The Silent Love

         He held his head in his hands and tried to shake off the image, which was meddling behind his thoughts, persistently coming forward as he shook it off. He just couldn’t ignore it anymore, although he was scolded by his teacher two times in a row; for not paying attention in the class.

         He lied to the teacher that he wasn’t feeling well and took off from school. Every face in the class turned towards him but he ignored them all and hung his bag from his shoulder and asked to leave after giving a nod to Joe.

       His forehead was all sweaty, he didn’t know what he was doing. But he didn’t care if he knew her or not. He just couldn’t leave her like that on her own. If she needed a shoulder, he would be there for her. He broke into a run, he clearly remembered the way to her, he turned to the right and slowed his pace as he reached the gate of the park; it was near his school but a bit far from his home. He unmistakably knew the park by heart, it was his favorite place to visit whenever he felt lonely. He would breathe deeply in the sweet fragrance of the air and felt all the burden on his shoulders, all the sadness, creeping away. He would lie there, hands outstretched, eyes closed, and felt the pleasure. The best feelings were whenever the gust of wind caressed his face; and he would forget all the troubles and woes.

         His gaze searched for her but she was nowhere. A man was sitting nonchalantly smoking, apart from him no one was there. Maybe she was somewhere else, hiding from others. He reached the end of the park but there, there was no one there; no sign of her. He went to the spot where he found her before; it was the corner behind the bench, he remembered she was sitting in the corner crouching down, her blond hair spread out on her back, her head on her knees, her hands around her legs, softly sobbing.

He cursed and jerked his foot on the bench but soon regretted it; it hurt terribly. He was dead sure she was here, crying but where the hell she was now.

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When he went home, earlier than he should, his mother fussed over him, and he headed straight towards his room without answering any of his mother’s questions. He put his mobile on silent because he knew, as it would be of time, his phone would start ringing continuously, and he was not at all in a mood of being interrogated by any of his class fellows and Joe, he would make up with him some other time.

The next day, he didn’t felt like going to school, however, he went; to be safe from his mother’s suspicions.

Despite being late he walked lazily, peeking in the park, hopefully, but to no avail.

His eyes drooping of sleepiness, his head heavy from all the pondering; he did the previous night. He sunk on his desk, not listening to a word his teacher was saying. Again, he was scolded by his teacher.

‘Miles! Will you stop daydreaming? I am incessantly observing you and you are NOT paying attention! If I see you one more time lost somewhere else I swear I won’t let you sit in my class!’ she shrieked and continued with her lecture.

Miles stared at her and suddenly all the anger bubbled up. ‘Excuse me?’ he raised his voice. ‘You can have a try.’

‘Yes, dear? I think you are not feeling well.’ Her eyes widened as she realized what he had said.

‘No miss, I am fully in my senses, I don’t feel any pleasure sitting in your class either, so can I leave?’ he added rashly. He knew he had gone too far, but that moment he didn’t give a damn about his image or record, he just wanted to get out of that place and breathe in the fresh air.

He just couldn’t understand why he was feeling like that, why his thoughts and his heart was trapped by her.

He was exhausted and frustrated, he felt like beating someone up. He bunked all the classes and as the day ended, he maneuvered towards that same park to get some fresh air, to lighten his head a bit.

He didn’t know when he entered the park and found a place to sit, opposite to that bench, at the farthest corner. He leaned his head back on the tree trunk and tried to ease up a bit. He put his brown hair back from his forehead and tried to ease the creases on his forehead by his thumb. He tried to empty his mind for a moment so he could feel free for some time.

He was busy trying to empty his mind when he suddenly sensed that someone was staring at him. The first thing he saw when he straightened his head was that girl, who was looking back at him. There was a sudden outburst of emotions inside of him at the sight of her, she was the same girl, the same one he was so restless to meet, to be with. The relaxation he got when he saw her was just amazing. When he saw her that day, he didn’t realize she was so beautiful. This time her hair wasn’t left loose but they were in a ponytail, a high one which made her more beautiful than ever, more attractive. Her almond shaped green eyes, wide open staring at him, her cheeks red from crying, which made her look more cuter, she was sitting the same way as before except her head was higher this time and she wasn’t crying.

He bored his eyes into hers but unfortunately, she was lost somewhere else. He got up and deliberately walked towards her when she didn’t even stir, he sat down beside her.

He cleared his throat noisily, at which she startled.

She glanced sideways at him and found herself amazed. He tried not to look in her eyes but it was hard. Thankfully she turned her face straight again but this time she stared at her lap.

They weren’t sitting close together but still, he could just feel her presence, her sweet presence; it was something like pleasure to him. He abruptly felt wide awake and cheerful. He could sit there his whole life with her and just feel her.

He couldn’t himself comprehend why she was attracting him so much. He just knew that she meant something to him, that she was something precious to him.

The whole time they were together; they didn’t utter a word, they just sat there motionless staring in space, at the beauty.

When Miles knew that it was time to go it was so difficult to leave her company, he stood up, opened his mouth to speak but then closed again and walked home.

This time her mother was satisfied and didn’t nag him or anything. Miles day was a contented one. He was no more frustrated or annoyed.

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The next day, there was only one thing on his mind and it was that what if she didn’t come, but all the worries were answered when he went to the park right after his school and found her sitting in the same spot. This time he sat a bit closer and found himself lost in her. He could smell the flowery scent coming from her.

The days passed and it became Miles's routine to visit her in the park after school. And whenever it was the weekend he would ache for the weekend to end, to be with her again.

That day he went after a weekend, he ran so hard, he just couldn’t wait to meet her, he stopped in front of her and to his wild amazement she looked up at him and give him the warmest smile ever that made his day. Her warm smile worked like a drug for him. Miles slumped down, and this time there was no space between them, they sat shoulder to shoulder, and hopefully, she didn’t back away.

They sat side by side staring at blankly and sometimes Miles would stare at her soft, white hands, curled in her lap, He would smell the flowery scent coming from her, he tried to put his head on her shoulder but was dreading the outcome so he didn’t. He didn’t want to lose her so soon.

They both would close their eyes and feel each others presence, they listened to each other’s silence. They loved each other so badly but they both dreaded to lose one another. Miles tried a lot to take her hand in his, but he didn’t have the guts, but that day when he came and found her crying, he just couldn’t bear see her cry so without knowing what he was doing he put this arm around her just to console her, and she easily fitted in. it was the best thing that happened to him ever, in his arms, she was crying quietly on his shoulder, her face buried in his arms, it was like he was holding the whole world, he put his head in her hair, and felt that no one could take her away from him, no one can pull them apart. He was the luckiest one to get such a pure soul.

It was a warm Tuesday, miles was walking to the park, he was feeling pleased that day cause now there was no obstacle between them.

But to his surprise, when he went to their spot, she wasn’t there. Miles look around there was no sign of her, except the man, who was the regular visitor. 

Miles first waited patiently but then he grew impatient, his heart started thudding in his chest, he was worried about her, and he started strolling in the park impatiently waiting for her. Every second was taking so long to pass. Miles was all sweaty and hot, his every step was taking a struggle, and he was getting more anxious as the seconds were passing.

When he grew tired of striding, he slouched on the bench next to that man.

He seized his head in his hands and was so occupied considering what to do that he didn’t realize all the trees around him were on fire, when he realized this it was too late, the whole area was ablaze, the sizzling fire was getting higher and higher and all of a sudden his mind was all blank, his body was numb and cold. He didn’t know what to do, he thanked God again and again that she didn’t come or she would be in trouble too.

It was like his ending moments had arrived. The sparking fire was erupting from every direction, and he liked being engulfed in it, his legs were giving away, he could no more breathe freely, all the ashes were entering his mouth, and his throat was dry and parched. He let out a cough but it made the situation worse, he was losing consciousness, he could no more bear it, his eyes drooped and he was knocked out.

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As he opened his eyes, he realized he was in the hospital, his mother’s face met his eyes, he felt groggy, as he raised his hand to rub his eyes, a yell came out, his hand was plastered then he remembered that he should be dead or he was about to be dead when someone rescued him.

“Honey, lie still, don’t move.” His mother said soothingly.

There was no one except her mother in the room and she was all red from crying. 

“If she hadn’t come you would have….” her mother wept.

‘Mom? She?” he was confused, whom she was talking about.

“Isabella,” her mother said.

He still hadn’t gotten what she was talking about.

‘Miles, that blond girl.’ It hit him like a ton of bricks. Her name was Isabella. He laughed out loud at his own dumbness that he didn’t even know her name....’

He abruptly got up which sent a series of pain through his body, but a lot was going on in his mind at the moment. “Where is she?” he would love to see her right now.

“She is gone, such a strange girl.”

‘Gone? Come on, mom. Don’t play games with me.’

‘Uh-huh. I am not. She left a letter and said to give you lots of love. And then, in the end, she just said that she is leaving and you won’t see her again. She added that she is leaving behind her heart so take care of it.’

Miles was dumbfounded. He just couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How she could leave him without saying a word. She was his everything, EVERYTHING. 

It was just impossible. Suddenly there was haziness in front of his eyes, he put his hand in his hair and ruffled them up, trying to digest what he had just heard.

His mother was standing, her hands outstretched, there was a letter in her hand. He quickly took it and put it to his chest, hoping it was all fake, and something was satisfying written in the letter.

He slowly unfolded it and just couldn’t resist the feeling of relief when he read the first line but he didn’t know that the relief was just of seconds:

Miles, my man

This is the first and the last time I am going to talk to you. So I am going to be honest, I know I never told you how I feel about you.

It is just so simple, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME.

I didn’t know when I grew so close to you, I never knew when I started loving you, I didn’t know when I got so used to you.

You know every day I restlessly wait for the time to pass so you could come, and the best time was the weekends, they were just unbearable. I would look forward to weekdays when you’ll come and sit beside me, and accompany me. I just can’t forget the time we spent together and very dejectedly, Miles, we won’t be able to see each other again.

 I was an abandoned soul and you found me and put me right, I was an isolated person but you forced me to love you, I was a heartless person but then you came and shared your heart with me.

Miles,

  I just love everything about you, your gray eyes, the depth in them, your wavy brown hair, and the way you put them back, I have resisted myself a lot from stroking your hair, and you know whenever you were with me you made me feel special. 

As I told you, I love you so much that it hurts and it is not easy for me to leave you like this, without any farewell or any hugs.

I am really sorry I just can’t put you in danger just because of me. You are fine without me, you can only be safe when you are away from me. My family doesn’t approve of you and they won’t be happy to see you with me. I just can’t leave my mother nor my family. It is for both our benefits. It’s fate and you have to accept it.

I don’t know how to say bye, the realization that I won’t be able to see you, I won’t be able to feel you, I won’t be able to touch you, this all just shatters me to pieces.

I will miss you, Miles.

I love you with all my heart.

And whenever you miss me just close your eyes and smile, it will reach me somehow. I’ll do the same.

Just please don’t harm yourself or anything, if not for yourself then for me, it will make me happy.

I can sit here all my life and can write my heart to you……….

Here’s your Bella.

Stay safe,

Stay happy,

Hoping you a wonderful life,

Many many wishes,

To my one and only Miles.

Miles could feel his hands shaking, his body trembling, his head throbbing.

No, no this couldn’t be true. He read the letter again and again.

He put the letter to his heart and mumbled: ‘Isabella’

‘You are my life, my soul, my heart, you can’t just go without me, Bella! Please don’t do this to me.’ His eyes were hot and splotchy, his body was all heavy, the reality hit him like someone had put icy cold water on him, the truth trickled down through him like ice, that wrecked his heart, all his hopes, all his desires, all his whims, and wishes. A tear rolled down his cheek, ad he felt like the world was falling apart. He didn’t have any more strength to endure the pain he was feeling.

Isabella was the one who gave him the most love and she was the one who gave him the most pain.

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