A Growing Hunger

I don't remember how I died, but I remember the gnawing cold. A cold deeper than my bones that cut right into my soul. I was no longer myself when I awoke. I was only a husk of a man, something else entirely.

The fire roared in the hearth. It was casting shadows on the wall that danced with a chaotic rhythm. No matter how intense the flame grew, I couldn’t shake off the intensity that took over my body. My blood turned to ice, but my hunger grew like that flame, and just like the fire, it was all-consuming. I had tried to hunt, but that was not what my body craved. Only one thing could appease this insatiable hunger. I sharpened my knife, the steel grazing over the fine points over and over. The sound grated into my ear. I needed to eat, and I needed to eat soon. I wasn’t sure how long I was going to last.

I pulled myself from the fire, clutching my knife and my lifeline, and put on my coat and boots. The cracked mirror by the door only showed an empty shell: sunken black eyes, white pale skin, and bloodless lips. I pushed the cabin door open and sank into the blanket of snow that lined the forest. 

The world had withered in my isolation. The never-ending storm raged relentlessly outside. The eerie silence was only disrupted by the crunch of my boots. The trees had frozen in place, their bony branches reaching up to the gray abyss above. It would be a miracle if my traps had caught anything today. They hadn't for the last three days, and I could tell I was running out of time before I left this cabin and sought something more. My lips salivated at the thought of flesh. Warm and soft, sinking into my teeth. I shook away the thought and rushed towards the first trap. Nothing. The second. Nothing. The third. Noth—

Then, a voice rattled in the distance. No, not in the distance, near my cabin. It was quiet, at first, but then the sound echoed through the skeleton trees. 

“Hello, anyone, I need help” 

My heart pounded. If I go back, would that be it? I hesitated. I could resist, it was my mortality that I clung to with the kind of hope a small child clings to his dreams. I turned back to the traps to check the final one.

The man called for help again, banging on the closed cabin door. 

That forbidden thought arose. I tried to pull myself away but I could only imagine myself sinking my teeth into his soft flesh. Warming my body with his sweet blood. I was starving, more than starving, empty. I looked towards the other traps, knowing it would be pointless to waste any more energy. Against my better judgment, I hurried towards the voice because leaving the man to freeze outside in this world would be no different than murder.

I emerged from the treeline to see an outline of a man. The white from the snow blurred his figure, but he was alone and at my door.

“Hello,” he called again as he walked over to the lone window on the side of the cabin.

That wave of hope raced over me again. The longing for mortality whispered in my ear. The hunger subsided just for a bit as I found my voice. I had been silent for so long that it came out in a raspy mumble. “Hello,” I raised my hand over my head to wave. A rusty and out-of-synch gesture. “Are you okay?” 

“Oh, thank god! Hello.” He pressed his hands together. Was he happy? Scared?. How long had I been out of practice in the art of socializing? “I was out hunting and must have turned around. I have been out in the cold for some time. Do you have a phone I could use?”

My rusty muscles awkwardly formed a smile. “The phone is out, but I can offer you a bed for the night.” I approached him slowly, like prey, slower than I had approached my traps. “Where are your hunting buddies? Should I expect them as well?” 

“Our party got split up, I am hoping they get out of here before the storm worsens.” 

I pushed past the man, his scent forcing my stomach into a spiral. It would be so easy; I could do it here. One stab into his throat, one moment of indulgence, one mistake.

 “Are you okay, sir?” The man's eyes met mine. His eyes were so tame, I felt so wild. I forced my hand on the door and opened it. 

The man slowly walked through the door and saw the fire, his face relaxed. “My name is Ben, by the way.” 

“Nice to meet you.” I pulled off my coat throwing it over the back of the chair, then flung my boots off, not caring where they landed. “I would offer you food, but I don’t have much myself.” 

“Oh, that’s okay. I am just grateful for your hospitality. I have a couple more rations as well if you need them." He followed my lead and took off his coat and boots, placing them on the hook beside the door. “And you are?”

Who was I? I tried to search the depths of my mind. I reminded myself of my death. Who I was in my old life. A chill worked up my spine. I would have to go with a lie. “Silas.” The name came out of my mouth in hesitation. “You can take the bed upstairs. I can sleep on the couch.” 

“Thank you so much.” He approached the fire and pushed his hand towards the flames. His sweet flesh singed the cabin. I gripped my knife and took two steps back. I had to resist. I could send him on his way after the storm passed. “This little place you got here is cozy, how long have you been here for?”

Another question I had no answer to. It could have been weeks or years another lie I had to conjure up. I tried not to make eye contact, just needed to get him upstairs and out of the house. I needed to fight this urge and pray for a decent meal in the traps tomorrow.  “A couple years actually.” 

He leaned closer to the fire. His smell encompassed the cabin even more. “My daughter and wife would love it up here.”

I winced, did I have a family? A daughter? Son? It was a blur and I was starting not to care. I pushed my finger into the edge of the blade trying to think of anything else. “If you don’t mind I think I will be turning in for the night. Again, upstairs there is a bed.” I gestured to the small stairs next to the kitchen. He nodded and disappeared upstairs.

In the dead of night, I awoke to Ben snoring softly. The hunger surging, It had grown into its monster. I thought of the empty traps outside that would not fill anytime soon and the continuous snow that piled higher as time passed. I was going to starve out here. Ben was going to starve out here. I wasn’t sure where I was or where the nearest town was, and I dared go close to such a civilization in fear of what would happen. I grabbed the knife out of my pocket and snuck upstairs. My breath fogged the cold air as I tried to tame my breathing. I was being too loud, chaotic, too wild. I could feel my body giving in. My beast within whispering louder. The voice promised relief, warmth, and satisfaction. I leaned over his body and pulled out my sharpened knife. The blade was ready for its kill after waiting for what seemed like centuries. It would be a mercy. Maybe the traps outside were empty, but this one had been set and tripped. 

By morning, the storm had passed. I stood in front of the deep hole that I frantically dug in the earth. Blood staining the white frozen wasteland. My beast, the hunger, sated for now, but I feel no peace. The brief satisfaction that my prey gave me was fading quickly, I knew that he would demand more soon. I toss the bones and other remains into the pit and fill it in, hiding all traces of my actions. For I am no longer human. I had died a long time ago, before Ben, before the season changed, before my memories were lost with time. I would no longer know the warmth of the world unless that warmth was from the flesh of another body. 

My memories are forever gone in the abyss of time, and whatever or whoever I was before is now swallowed by the beast. I walked back to the cabin in defeat, the hunger stirring again, stronger this time. I catch the scent of something in the wind. It is sweet and delicate. I turned towards the tree line. A group of hikers, their voices carried through the trees. There would be no more resistance. I headed towards the voices, knife in hand, knowing that this time, my hunger would be sated.