The Girl I Fell in Love With

Trigger warning: suicide

She was standing there, all alone in the rain, with a black umbrella. When I saw her, it looked like she was trying to escape all the traffic and otherworldly noises only to have some alone time. She felt as if the world wasn’t hers anymore. She looked weak, sorrowful as if she had done a lot of crying. She was standing on the footpath, waiting to cross the road. The traffic cleared, and the rain slowed but, she couldn’t move. The wind took away her umbrella. It looked like someone or something was holding her. She looked frightened. She wanted to talk to the other man standing beside her but was not able to. She wanted to share her sorrow with someone. She tried opening her mouth to speak, mumbling something to herself. I couldn’t know much. I did not know her. Yet the way I felt for her a year ago was the same till today.

Since that day, I went to the station at 8:30 every day. She came around 8:45 along with her friend. I used to watch her. Just one look of her made me feel complete. Once her friend noticed me watching her. I couldn’t help myself but left. Everyday only after looking at her in the morning, I used to go to work. One of my friends from work knew about her. I told him. Also, knowing that it was wrong, I followed her once. I wanted to know where she lived. I never noticed her parents or relatives. Maybe she was new in town. I am an introvert and, so, I never could talk to her. I tried hard to build up my guts and have a conversation with her. But whenever I looked at her, I blushed and went back home.

But that day, I wanted to go near her and introduce myself. I wanted to do it for 364 days, 14 hours, and 20 minutes. She never looked this miserable to me before. When I kept looking at her, I recalled the first day I saw her. It was magical. She was looking so magnificent. She was wearing a black one-piece with her hair down till the waist. I was holding a hot chocolate frappe, which I spilled while she smiled at me. I immediately looked away, blushing. On the other hand, I could see her from the mirror tucking hair behind her ear. They were dark brown in sunlight.

Since that day, I never missed a chance to get a glimpse of her. Without giving any second thoughts, I went to her. I stood beside her for a while. It was drizzling. She was shivering, and her eyes were full of water. My heart was aching. Her miserable look made me feel pain in the throat. I wanted to hold her in my arms and say that, ‘I am here for you.’ I was scared, but also, this was the situation where I had to approach her.

She walked to the park, which was not much far. I followed her. She sat on a bench, and I, beside her. I told her, ‘Hi. I am Walter, and you?’ She looked at me and away. I got afraid. I felt that now she will hate me. I should leave her alone. When I was about to stand, she told me, ‘I have seen you somewhere.’ I got nervous, but due to rain, she couldn’t see me sweating. I told her, ‘I .. I haven’t seen you but. You look upset. What’s the matter?’ She got confused and asked me, ‘Do I know you?’ I answered, ‘Well, um, no, but a while back I noticed, you were upset, and you came here so, I thought to make sure that you were okay. After all, a lady shouldn’t be left alone when she looks this sad.’ She went quiet. It was noiseless around there. I felt awkward and felt a need to go away. But then she spoke. She told me, ‘It was a plane crash. I lost them, my parents. They were coming here to Boston, to congratulate me on my promotion.’ I stared into her misty eyes, holding her hands. ‘I am sorry. It wasn’t your fault!’ I said. I hugged her and whispered in her ear, ‘I am here for you.’ Later, looking at me for a while, she apologized. I smiled, with a look showing, there was no need to apologize and hold her hands. She thanked me and walked away. I should’ve stopped her. I should’ve asked her to crash at my place that night so she wouldn’t be alone.

I couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning, I went to her apartment. I knocked several times on the door, but no one opened. I called her neighbors, but they were unaware of the accident. There was an old lady among them to whom I asked, ‘Do you know any of her friends?’ She slowly mumbled and then spoke in a loud voice, ‘A few months back there was her one friend who used to visit often but, then all of a sudden she stopped coming.’ And then I recalled that even her station friend wasn’t with her for a few months. I assumed that might be her. The old lady added, ‘She has been here alone for quite a long time.’ I nodded and got so tensed that I tried breaking into her house and even did it. As I entered, I noticed a window open, and the wind blowing inside gave me chills. I found a paper lying on the center table, and it was something written on it saying, ‘I know you since the train station incident. Since then, I have been noticing you near me. I knew you would come here in the morning, but I couldn’t take any chances. People around me either leave or die. I can’t bear the burden of my parent’s death and, so I am doing it. I am sorry. I feel powerless. Take care. I know you will find someone better.’ My heart started throbbing quickly. I ran inside and saw her hanging. I screamed and cried. Out of the blue, her telephone’s voicemail started and, it was like, ‘Hello darling. Sorry, we couldn’t make it to celebrate your promotion. Max got the flu. Try visiting here for the weekend. Love, mommy, and daddy.’ I was devastated. Since that day, I regret not being there for her that night.