Forget Me Not

It was just another Tuesday. Nothing to do, no where to be, just stay here and leave it alone. Hard to feel anything but confused. No name, no memories, no friends (if they do exist) no past. Someone must be looking for me. Everyone belongs to someone don't they?

I stare out the window. Its a beautiful day. The leaves are many brilliant shades of reds, orange and yellows. Its the type of day when people long to be outside. The perfect day to sit and watch the leaves drifting off the trees or to take a brisk walk before the winter comes to stay. But not me.

I just don't care. Hard to feel any real satisfaction. Most people would be anxious or scared. To not have your life or your past. This would cripple most people. But not me.

They would feel lost and they would surely want their life back.

I honestly just don't care.

I think that concerns me more than not having my memory.

Why don't I care? I should want to find out who I am. I close my eyes and pray something will come to me. A face, a familiar voice maybe even a clue as to how I ended up here. Nothing.

I open my eyes and look around the room. The walls are a pale gray, the ceiling is stark white and I continue to stare at the lone blue chair that faces the wall. I lift both my arms straight out in front of me and examine ever detail. My hands are clean, very clean in fact.

My nails are short and I have on no nail polish. I bring my right hand up to my face and feel all over. Though I'm not sure what it is I'm looking for. I bring my hand to my hair and and run my fingers through it hoping for some recollection.

There is none.

I touch around the back of my head I don't feeling anything unusual. No lumps or bumps of any kind.

The door to my room is being opened. I drop my hands on top of the blanket in front of me. I look straight ahead. The same woman who I saw earlier has returned. She approaches me. I try hard to remember her name.

"I see your awake. How are you feeling?" She asks me.

The uniform she's wearing is dark blue and the white name tag says Terry.

I look her directly in the eyes but I hesitate before I can answer.

"Um, about the same as this morning. I wish I knew more about myself. But I honestly just don't remember a thing."

She smiles at me. I look down at my hands and fold them in my lap.

"I want you to try and relax. I know its easy for me to say but its what you need right now."

I nod in agreement.

" Would you like anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?"

I shake my head but then reply.

"I am kind of thirsty. Could I have some water please?"

"Yes of course, I will go get it. Be right back."

She leaves me alone again and I burst into tears. I'm not really sure why. I start to wipe at my eyes but she's already returned to witness my distress. Terry places the cup she's holding on a tray next to the bed.

"Oh sweetheart you've got nothing to worry about. Let me get you some tissues."

Terry hustles to the other side of the room and opens a metal cabinet, reaches in and grabs a box of tissues. Then she hurries back to the bed and hands them to me. I continue to cry.

"I feel like such a jerk."

"For what being human? I'm surprised you didn't cry sooner."

She reaches for the cup and hands it to me.

"Here have some its nice and cold."

I lift it to my lips and have a long mouthful. I lower the cup and pretend I'm ok. Then I hand it back to her. Terry has retrieved the chair and is now seated next to me.

"I know that we don't even know each other but I'm a very good listener. At least that's what I've been told."

I laugh and she does too. I sit up a little straighter before I begin.

"I guess I'm supposed to feel some kind of way but I just don't. It makes me feel pretty strange. Does that sound like I'm crazy?"

"No not at all. You've been through something that is awful and extremely stressful at the same time. There is no right or wrong way to feel. The thing you need most is rest."

"But I don't feel tired at all. I feel like I've been asleep for weeks to tell you the truth."

Terry rests her hand on mine.

"Like I said you have been through a lot. Give yourself a break. Your doctor is on this floor and he should be in to speak with you in the next few minutes. Can I get you anything else?"

"No I'm ok. Terry was I in some kind of accident?"

"I don't think so. Your chart said your memory loss was due to emotional stress. Did you remember something?"

I shake my head. She smiles again and leaves the room.

There are faces in front of me. Everyone seems to be talking at the same time. There's music playing behind us. A tall man with chestnut colored eyes holds out his hand to me. I take it and we walk off together. I turn around and see myself in the full length mirror. My hair is longer than it is now. The walls are peach and there are hardwood floors under my feet. I like what I have on.

I open my eyes and its still light outside. I'm still here in this hospital.

What's my name? Where are you? Why haven't you come looking for me?

I throw back the blankets and swing my legs off the side of the bed. I begin to stand up and my legs feel like jelly.

Why am I so weak? How long have I been in this bed?

I begin to move away from the bed and I feel out of breath.

I grab hold of the chair for support.

"Nurse! Terry are you out there! I need help please!"

I can feel my legs giving out from under me. Then there are arms helping me back into the hospital bed. A big burly man who I've never met before waits till I'm back under the blankets. I catch him staring at me.

" What is it? Do I know you? You can tell me if you want to."

"No. But I saw you. You were on the TV. They said your a missing person."

I get excited.

"My name do you know my name?"

" Yes, I do. Your name is Jill. They must be so worried about you."

"If that's true then where are they?" He has no answer.

"Do you know how long I've been here? I have to know."

"Over two months." I gasp and put my hand over my mouth.

"I'm sorry I already said too much."

He turns to face the door. Terry is back and she's brought a wheelchair with her.

"Thank you Jimmy I can take over now."

Terry wheels it in my direction and Jimmy strides out of the room.

"Hey my friend are you ready to get up and go meet someone?"

"He said my name is Jill. That my picture is on TV. Why didn't you tell me my name? I had a right to know."

"I thought it would only upset you. Now if you'll let me I want to try and help you remember."

On our way towards the elevator I tell Terry everything I dreamed.

"How did the dream make you feel?"

"I don't know. I mean it just wasn't enough. I would need to see more. Where did you say I was going?"

Inside the elevator she grins. I get nervous when she says nothing.

I watch the numbers go from four all the way down to one. The elevator stops and the door opens. Terry and I continue on until we reach a room at the far end of the long hall. Inside the room I see brown chairs, a oak coffee table and one beige sofa.

Terry glides me to the center of the room. Then she tells me my guest has arrived. My heart pounds loudly as I watch him enter the room. He walks slowly towards me. He kneels in front of my wheelchair.

"Hi Jill. I'm so happy to see you. Do you remember me?"

"No. I want to know what happened to me. But I'm afraid."

He has tears in his eyes. He reaches out his hand and I take hold of it in mine.

"You don't have to be afraid of me. I have loved you my entire life."

Now we are both crying. I place my hand on the side of his face.

"I saw you in a dream I had. We looked happy. Were we?"

He kisses my hands.

"Yes Jill we were very happy. I have something to show you."

He reaches in his coat pocket. He takes out a small white box and gives it to me. I open the box and inside is a silver locket. Inside the locket is our wedding picture.

"I can hear the music behind us. Everyone is smiling. I can see the cake. You look so handsome in your suit."

"I just want to take you home and take care of you. I love you Jill."

"I know you do. I think I love you."

We continue to cry but as we do we are holding each other.