Finding Me

The train was so crowded. It was hot and the smell was overwhelming with everybody’s perspiration hanging in the air and mingling.  Not a good smell.  In spite of the crowd, it seemed extremely quiet, too quiet. The lady sitting next to me was knitting and every once in a while, she would jab me, look at me and sympathetically apologize. The man who was sitting in front of me was reading, or I should say, looking at a Nudy magazine. The person who was sitting behind me kept kicking the back of my seat. I had 45 minutes left of this and I was growing more and more agitated. The little boy who was sitting a couple of seats up from me on the opposite side kept picking his nose and eating it. That just wanted to make me wretch. Let alone try to eat a peanut butter sandwich. I kept making faces at the kid, which didn’t help hoping he would turn around so I couldn’t see him picking his nose. I guess I got what I deserved egging the little guy on.   

All the while I kept thinking to myself, “I will never get on another train the rest of my life”. Unless I can afford to travel with more luxurious surroundings, I will never go on another train again in my life. The sandwich lady was walking by asking if anyone was interested in buying a peanut butter sandwich. Even if I wanted one, it would have been a challenge to even try to get to my money which was stashed at my side which was wedged against the old lady who was knitting and kept poking me or the kid who wouldn’t turn around and stop picking his nose and eating it. It was all making me to nauseous to even think about eating.   

As soon as that train stopped, I couldn’t have felt more relieved to get off that insanely crowded train ride. There stood in front of me was a small train station with nothing else around it but dirt roads that went in 5 different directions. I took the map out that I had printed up off the internet before I left so that I would know where I was supposed to go after getting off the train. I started down the road that I was supposed to take to this little rundown brown house that would hopefully be my final destination. I could only hope that it had more to give than that train ride here. Please tell me this will be better.   

I was looking for a way out. I disliked people, disliked being around people and listening to people. I have no luck being around people. People do not fit into my life. I was made to live life on my own the way I wanted to live life and what would be most delightful for me. I wanted to be by myself in and with nature. I needed to find myself and what better place than a place that promises serenity in nature. A place where no one is miles around.  I didn't think it would be so easy to find a place that I knew would fit me. I thought it would take forever before I would find something. 

I had been looking at homes trying to find a place that would take me away from the hustle and bustle of other people. The noises and sounds of others around me. I didn't want a big fancy home. I was looking for something small that I could be comfortable and easy to heat. I wanted crickets, birds, the sounds of the wind blowing across the tall grass lands. And most of all, I needed a place that I could afford. When this place popped up, the first thing I thought was that this was the perfect place for me to grow old in. When I found this place, it seemed perfect. It needed a lot of work. It was a small run down home no bigger than a small garage. It guaranteed a recluse atmosphere surrounded by acres of nature. It was in my price range, and I jumped on it.   

I decided to take a train ride up to the small town that held this tiny house that would hopefully become my new home. I thought the train ride would give me the true essense of what I was looking for. I was hoping that it would give me a new perspective of the nature around me. Being able to see the sights away from the traffic seemed pretty interesting and in a different perspective. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a nightmare. I was beginning to become a little leary of what I was actually going to find once I got to my destination.   

After starting out on my walk to what I was hoping would become my new home, I began to notice the little things like bees buzzing over the flowers swaying in the field to the wind that was whispering ever so lightly over the land. The birds were singing all around me and flying everywhere.  There was a group of turkeys walking through the tall grass and deer were hanging around the edge of the trees just beyond.  It began to dawn on me that this place was beginning to feel really good to me. It was as if I was walking into a whole different world. A world of peace and harmony.   

Just as I came up over the hill I was walking or should I say climbing, it seemed like I would never get to the top, there at the top I was overlooking the quant little brown wooded building that seemed to be saying, “Hi, I have been waiting for you for a while now.” As I begin to walk towards this little brown building, I realize that there is a field of yellow flowers lying all around it. It was beautiful. There was a lake that was just off down the hill from this little house with ducks floating along the edge of the lake and geese to the right of the ducks. I walked up and sat down in the field of flowers while waiting for the realtor to come and while sitting there amongst the flowers in this field with a soft wind blowing and the bees busy gathering their pollen, I realized that I was not going to walk away from this. This was my new home. This was my new life. This was me....