Slippery when wet.

Do you remember the first time you saw the ad? You couldn’t look away, could you? You looked at your wife and she too was mesmerized. But she averted her eyes, knowing that it would be too extravagant. Too much to ask for.

Then there was the full-page ad in the AARP Bulletin, do you remember that? You put it aside, took note of the local number. Of course, it would be too expensive, you thought. But maybe if you didn’t take that golf outing this year and skipped a few trips to the gambling boats. Surely then…

You wife's birthday is coming up, you remind yourself. So, why not call the guy and get a quote? Can’t hurt. All you will do is ask, right? That won’t cost anything. Just get a quote.

Be careful what you wish for. Be very careful.

Reginald is so polite and listens so carefully. And of course, he understands. Both of you are getting on. You have a little money set aside. You’re getting by on your social security, but … Yes, he understands. He nods emphatically while he gets his calculator out.

He finds the senior discount, the neighborhood discount, since they are doing four others in the same subdivision, he can give you a special discount because you’d be the fifth. And if you allow them to show the finished product in an ad, then you’ll get another 10% back. And then he shows the numbers.

You see your wife bite her lips and look away. She had hoped to have it. Had fantasized about it. Oh, she would never pester you for it. She had never asked for anything for herself. Had pooh-poohed jewelry or a new car. But for you and kids she had always lobbied for the best.

So, you’ll find a way. You will get this. Go ahead and spread the payment. Give up your membership at the golf club. Public courses will be fine, and maybe Marty will drag you along as a guest now and then. You’ll find the money for the next ten years.

While you wait for the supplies to be ordered you see the ad again. You smile when you see the man in his walk-in tub. Soon that will be you, or your wife. You will simply walk in, sit down, and turn on the faucet. Maybe add a few drops of bubble soap. A candle, soft music and just sit back. Doesn’t that man on TV look blissfully happy? You just can’t get that total immersive feel in a rinky-dink tub/shower combo. You twist and turn under the shower, and you don’t dare to sit down, knowing you’d never get out by yourself.

Finally, the day comes. Your old tub is ripped out and carried away. The new clean, white soaking tub is caried in. Your wife is beaming. She’s happy to clean up after the two construction men. They can track in all sorts of dirt. Just hurry.

She’s gracious and lets you go first. “It’s your money, dear.” She says and urges you to try it out. You’re not arguing because you can’t wait. As soon as the bathroom is clean and nice fluffy towels have been laid out. You close the door and strip.

You walk in and close the little door. As soon as you turn on the water ou realize it takes several minutes for the hot water to reach the faucet. Note to self, let the water run for a while before you put the plug in. So, you start over.

Now you remember how long it used to take for your old tub to fill up. Way back when you were a kid and played with toy submarines and rubber duckies, you didn’t need much water. Now you’d love to be covered to your shoulders, like the man in the commercials.

Ten minutes later, you are covered. And your body is happy.

A new relationship is a bit like this walk-in tub. It is all you can think about, this warmth of the nonjudgemental acceptance of a new friendship. You laugh with each other over the same jokes, praise each other’s endeavors, agree with their reasoning, shush any perceived slight and let them there-there your boo-boos. You might even make plans together.

With a sigh you lean back, the radio is playing soft music, the fragrance of the new soap your wife bought is lovely. Like that new friendship you know that it will never cool, the bubbles will not burst, and the scent won’t fade.

Until it does.

Your skin becomes a bit pruned, you've lost feeling in your fingers, toes, and the bottoms of your feet. Your blood pressure has dropped in the enveloping warmth and though you may not notice it at first, the water does cool.

There are several dials and nobs, one of them is bound to keep the water heated, but you can’t find it without your glasses. You try to drain the water and add a bit of hot water. But your water heater is struggling to keep up with the demand.

You start to shiver.

Remember how long it used to take to drain the old tub? This takes at least twice as long. The sides of the tub are tall and slippery with the scented soap scum that, frankly, is beginning to get on your nerves. The bottom of the tub, despite the anti-slip properties of the material, is quite slippery. With each passing minute another inch of your wet skin is exposed to the cool ambient air in the bathroom.

You really want to get out now.

So, you take matters in your own hands. You twist and reach up to grasp the towel bar with one hand while placing your other hand on the faucet. At the moment you don’t wonder whether either fixture is anchored well enough to hold your weight. You drag yourself to an unsteady stand. Your legs are wobbly both from the warm water and the lowered blood pressure. Your arms tremble with effort because you haven’t done enough upper body exercises lately.

More of you is exposed to the much cooler air while you lean against the side of the tub. Being careful not to get any lose skin folds caught in the narrow crevasse of the door, you swing first one and then the other leg over the side of the tub. You do not want to fall backwards into the dirty, rapidly cooling, slow draining water.

That would be so embarrassing. After all, there is a door.

Whimpering when you think of the money you spent and the distant memory of having been warm, you shuffle your feet over the bathmat till they have found your slippers. Not until your shriveled feet have found their home will you stand and wrap yourself in your warm, fluffy bathrobe.

The walk-in tub will be a painful reminder of something that sounded too good to be true and will taunt you daily until the dust clears and your walk-in shower becomes your new best friend.