To My Four Hearts~

To my Dear kids and Grandkids~

Hello its Grandma Thora, or mama to my precious children. You’ve all grown up so much. My dear dear grand kids, I know many of you have never met me and it breaks my heart that the day you see me will be in my cold shell which carried my long gone soul.

I’ve always wondered why you never visited me, I started you, I built you in my stomach for 9 months. I begged for money everyday just to give you, my precious children a future. I became rich! I got you into the best schools…but yet, I guess it was never enough. My efforts are put to shame as I lay in this home, where you rest my old weary body.

I’ve spent everyday thinking about what I did wrong, was the love not enough? Did I give you all enough food? Did I get you into college? Yes…I did all that, if I didn’t how are you so successful? How do you sit on that throne so up in the clouds, the throne I used to sit on..the throne I past to you. Is the thrown I set for you so high, that you can’t even see your mama dying.

My precious son Leroy, my oh so caring Lunette, my little moon Luna, and my little wolf Louvel. You were born to be the Light of my world, but you have grown into nothing but dull lamps. I birth you to care but you have done the opposite, you walk with dignity but filled with so much hatred and greed, and that greed has separated you, my world. I see it in your eyes, why has the world corrupted my children? Why..? They say, when your children become successful you become successful but there you all are with thousands of money and a successful businesses but yet all I am is a failure. All I see is a life worth of failures.

Whether you know it or not..you are failures as well. This is not the tradition I set in our house. I did not free your wings so that you may kill every other bird in your way, I did not set you free so that you may forget and abandon everyone who helped you spread those tiny wings. I did not. I never did. Four beating hearts, and yet I have 4 broken ones and you don’t even know it. My precious children, my loves, my life..are all failures. The sad part is…I will die before you realize the errors of your ways. My death is near my children. Everyday creeps near and my body dies more and more.

Remember when you turned eighteen. And each and everyone of you screamed in my face that you didn’t need me anymore, Remember? At some part I started to believe it but now I see, believe you are wrong. Your fall is coming near and near and the crazy part is- I will be the cause. You all seem to have forgotten who I was, who I am. My name is Thora Win-Field, the most successful woman this earth has ever seen. I brought you up, I set that foundation, and I can tear it right back down. And I will. Even if it will the last thing I do. No. It will be the last thing I ever do.

Each one of you will fall, and you will all learn the meaning of only having yourself. But I am happy you all have each other, I am grateful. Just as my parents did to me..you will roam the streets like a rat. Searching trash cans for your daily dinner. You will suffer. I know I promised I would never do the things my parents did to me to you, but I didn’t know how bad it was. I see my past self in you all, its not a good thing. Its a terrible sickness that will slowly kill you. I am your mother so, trust and believe me you will become a better person, once I rid you of the disease eating you up.

Why now you may ask yourself? Why now? Well..I called everyone of you 2 months right after my diagnosis of cancer and my surgery. And I couldn’t even recognize your voice, instead of tears, the first thing you asked me. ‘Who will estate MY will?’. I hung up on everyone of you because I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked, I was broken, I was shattered. Does my money and possessions mean more than your own mothers life? I refuse to believe the answer is ‘yes’. All you see right now is money, but when that is taken from you I wonder what you will see then? Will it be me?..I can’t read the future, my precious, but I can tell you, when you see me..

I will be dead.

My husband, your father was an amazing man. He wanted the best for you all before he died, he found all the food for us when we lived on the streets. He was the provider, my rock..but I didn’t know he was giving everything he had to us. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. Until his last breath. He said; “I gave everything I had to them, to you, now you must do the same, but I don’t want you to die until our precious children are successful, happy and have a beautiful life. I want them to have a heart inside and out. A good one. Join me, when you’ve done that”. He never opened his eyes again after saying that. I told him ‘yes’ over and over but I could tell his soul had gone up to be with our Heavenly Father. I have failed, I have failed and it took me so long to realize my failure. That is why I must put things right. His words to me are mine to you, and when it happens when you lose all of your ‘precious’ possessions, if I see any one of my grandchildren in heaven with me, I will never forgive you.

…

My death will be soon. I know it. This letters will arrive to you on the day of your fall. The beginning of June, the beginning of everyone of your lives will be the death of your ‘success’. But it will be the beginning of your growth, I would love to see the day you become beautiful, but its like they say. ‘Everything comes with a price’. The price for you will be loss of me.

During this time period, you will curse my name, you will call me the cruelest of things, but I promise I will always love you. You don’t have to be rich, you don’t have to be a special human in history..no, all I want is for you to become a person everyone remembers not because of your money but because of your personality. I want people to speak of you all with respect. I want them to see who I see when I look at you. My beautiful children of Light. I want them to say, “Yes, these are the Great Thora’s children”

As for my will, Leroy, Lunette, Luna, and Louvel. I am a billionaire, a woman of so many riches, but- in this life I have no will, no legacy…… yet. Because I earned nothing in my little life. You may take my money, and my expensive things but..you will find that they are nothing, they are meaningless. When you become an example of the children me and your father held so close to our hearts during your birth, then I believe you will see my true will lies somewhere close, somewhere deeper than our eyes can see.

My quadruplets, my heart, my life. My greatest regret will be not being able to see you grow up into true beautiful men and women, I know you can be. I will always be watching you, protecting you, nothing will change, because even in death -

I am your mother.