Somewhere near you

It has been years since I am a teenager now. I am here alive and breathing but she’s not. I still remember that sweet peach smell she gave off. I tried looking for every product with the peach smell but none of them were like the enchanting smell she gave off. But who am I kidding with? I am standing here alone at the bus station; the exact location where she had her accident. 

I wouldn’t have blurted out my feelings for her if I had known what was about to happen that day. Only if I knew that my life was going to be tangled right here on this road. My one-sided crush died here. The weird thing is that today I still have a crush on her who is dead for seven years now. Every day I wake up I think about her, thinking what if I had kept my mouth shut at that time. Today is my mother’s birthday so I had to return to my hometown. I would have never set my foot in this town; if it hadn’t been for my mother. 

As I was deep into my thought; the bus driver honked at me. "Are you getting on or not?".

Thank god, the bus driver honked at me, or else I would have missed my last bus to my town. I hopped on the bus and took a seat. Suddenly I got a call.

"Hey. I found a perfect date for you. Forget about that girl, I have a really nice dude to set you up on a blind date and forget that crush of your’s."

"Well, you can never forget your first love I guess. But thank you for the blind date. Text me his number."; I spoke and immediately hung up. 

Visiting this town was giving me anxiety with all those flashbacks. I was depressed and just wanted to fall asleep. After a good nap thankfully I woke up at the right stop. I hurriedly ran to the exit door which was already crowded. "Jesus, bring some patience to these people.";I thought to myself. 

As I walked through that door I smelled something quite unusual. I was taken aback because I got the smell of the same kind of peaches my crush, Emma had. I told myself I was going crazy after visiting my hometown but I still had hope that this was Emma. 

All those flashbacks came in my head as I looked back again and again thinking if I met Emma here actually. I know I am going crazy but god I still love her and I have to go look for her. But I was a coward from the beginning so I couldn’t go look for her and just walked as all those flashbacks continued. 

It was after the summer break, my senior year of high school. As I walked through the door with all the papers my homeroom teacher assigned me to distribute to all my classmates, I saw a girl walk by. My heart was going crazy as if I had seen a cute little puppy. At that moment I didn’t know I was into both guys and girls so I just thought I was jealous of her beauty. 

I wish it was the first and the last time I met her. But fate had something else written for me. We met again and again. We had almost all of our classes together except for chemistry and photography. She had studied literature and economics which I learned later after approaching her. Since we had so many classes together and us running to each other constantly at the school compound, our slight smile with a nod came to "hi" and then to a great bond of friendship. My stomach still had all these butterflies but I ignored it thinking something was wrong with me. 

She had a boyfriend and I don’t know why I kind of hated him for no reason. One day Emma called me.

"Hey, Emma. What’s up. You normally just text me. Anything’s wrong?"; I asked but I was not really that concerned. 

"Let’s have a girls’ night. Let’s go shopping and chill at my place for the night. No further questions I will be at your home in 10 minutes. Love you bye."; Emma hung up on me.

Gosh, I was so messy, I still remember putting my makeup on even though I was so bad at it. Emma was all about the horrible makeup during the night. Never thought any of her laughs would have been the last one.

I forgot how much of a rich spoiled kid she is until she came back to her shopping obsession. This situation only meant that she went through something that made her uncomfortable or sad or both. But I waited until I spent overnight at her house to ask her.

Finally, we both were on our PJs so I asked Emma what was wrong. Her somber sound broke out as she said the words any girl in 90% of the relationship would say. "We broke up."

I don’t know why but I was really happy. I just hugged her comforting her. I don’t remember if it was the drink we had in those plastic cups that were stolen or the drunk heart lost in lust. We ended up kissing and stripping. The rest of the night is a blur in my memory but the next morning we were next to each other with no clothes on. I was confused about what I was doing, I was embarrassed by this fact so I just put on my clothes and ran home.

I ended my weekend thinking about what it was. I had no clue why I did that. All I could say to myself was, "I am supposed to like boys and have this lust for boys. What is wrong? Why am I not regretting what happened with Emma ." Emma and I didn’t contact each other the entire weekend. On Monday I went to school, I still had to discuss it with Emma. But when I called her in the hallway she just ignored me. I thought she didn’t hear me.

I passed a note to her during class asking her if we were still cool. But she threw it away without even taking a glance at it. I was hurt. I was angry at myself thinking why I was hurt of she just ditched our friendship. It was common for me anyway.

After an entire week of me trying to approach her I gave up. I lost hope for our friendship. I walked home alone with a disappointed face and it suddenly poured. I ran and took shelter until the rain stopped. I don’t know if it was fate or mere coincidence, but a homeless man was sitting beside me. He had a radio in his hand. He was listening to some kind of love broadcasting. 

"Love is not something magical. You have to follow the butterflies in your stomach and instinct of your heart. You may not love her or you may not be the best fit. But if you are lonely and depressed without that one person, go for it. It’s worth a try."

I don’t know why he was listening to such kind of nonsense. I would have thought such a thing but I realized what I was looking for. I thanked the homeless guy and gave him so many changes I was carrying and ran in the pouring rain to Emma’s house. I didn’t have to rehearse or anything. At that moment I knew what I was going to say. I called Emma running as I called her. 

"We need to talk"; we both said as soon as she picked up the call. 

"Meet me at the bus station. Let’s talk"; she said and hung up. 

I ran there and saw her standing there. She looked brighter than others. And she was looking alluring and bewitching as always. I ran to her and spoke wheezily. "Look I don’t know what you feel. I like your peachy smell and I don’t know how but you smell different. This is new for me but I don’t know I was into girls too. I just realized what I feel and I wanna tell you. I freaking love you, Emma Churchill. And not even you can change my decision to like you. I may not be the best fit for you but I will not give up on you."

Emma was speechless. I don’t know what her expression meant. Was she regretting, was she happy or shocked?

Emma told me, "look I don’t know what you mean by that. That night was a mistake. I like only boys. We were drunk and fulled around a little bit. please stop acting as if something happened between us in school. It’s embarrassing."

She ran away as I stood there watching her go. My heart ached and I wanted to go grab her hand and ask her again that she didn’t feel the same. But I was having cold feet so I stood as she ran away crossing the road. I didn’t realize it but she was running through a crowd of vehicles. And just after a blink, she was on the ground covered in blood. Her umbrella in front of me. I ran crying and screaming her name towards the dead body of my first ever love. 

I never smelled anyone like her again. And I guess I wanted closure. That smell on the bus stop became the closure and this flashback hopefully becomes a nightmare. It was nice not knowing who that person with a smell like Emma. Or else I might have never had closure. 

With this flashback, I already reached my apartment. I took a shower and went straight to bed and slept soundly finally, after the death of Emma. The morning came and I got ready for my date at 1 pm after a heavenly sleep until 10. 

I waited for the bus as I called my blind date. 

"HELLO?"; I initiated the call.

"Lift your hand if your name is Ashley."; My blind date giggled as he spoke. 

I awkwardly lifted my hand up in the sky and someone poked me from behind. I turned around with a confused yet angry look. 

"Hey, I am your blind date. Nice to meet you. Thank god your friend gave me your photo."; A handsome man was standing in front of me. Beside him, there was Emma smiling and suddenly the man started smelling like the peaches like Emma did. I smiled to myself as Emma telepathically said, "just think of me and I will be somewhere near you."