Toxic friendship

I was lying on my bed, the light from my lamp illuminating my dark room. It was nighttime. Tears were running down my face. My anti-depression pills haven’t helped me at all. They make my situation worse. I turned my head and looked at my room. 

Again.

My bed, desk, nightstand, rug, closet. All pink. Moving boxes were still in my room, even though we moved a month ago. I was too lazy to remove them. All of the things that were so familiar, yet so strange. They didn’t represent who I was. They represented who my parents wanted me to be. A perfect girl, one who was normal and not at all embarrassing. 

The complete opposite of who I am. 

My mind started to drift sadly to the day I found out something that changed me forever, and not for the better. 

My mom, dad, and I were walking in front of a street market. The shelves were piled high with fresh apples and pears. On a separate shelf sat fresh meat and boiled potatoes, wrapped up carefully. In a glass case sat pies and cakes, the frosting shining in the light. My mom bought three golden pears. We walked on the sidewalk, our teeth biting into the soft fruit. It was a true summer day. 

Now during this time, I was happy. My world was full of laughter and love. All that would change very very soon.

All of a sudden, I heard a rustle in one of the bushes. A raccoon jumped out and ran towards me. Startled, I dropped my half-eaten pear on the concrete ground. The raccoon grabbed it and looked at me.

 It smiled at me. 

“Thanks, mate. I was starving,” it said. 

My mouth dropped to the floor. I looked around, expecting a person to be behind me, but there was nobody. I looked at my parents in desperation, expecting them to be shocked that a raccoon just talked. It never came. 

“Shoo, you filthy creature,” my mom said, waving her hand angrily.

The raccoon winked at me and ran away.

“Well, there goes my money. Stupid animal,” my mom muttered.

I was still shocked. I swear I just heard an animal speak, but I couldn’t explain it. Maybe the summer heat is finally getting to me, driving me insane.

Yes, I thought warily. That’s it. 

Oh, how wrong I was. 

It kept on happening.

A random rabbit asked me if I could give it a carrot.

An ant shrieked and lectured me angrily when I almost stepped on it.

A bird flew past me, saying hi in my ear.

I thought I lost it. 

The problem was that I couldn’t talk about this with anyone.

 It was a secret, a secret that I so desperately didn’t want. 

Things started to get worse. My parents were stressed about all of the things about work, and they always talked in hushed tones, not knowing I could hear everything they were saying. Our house was small and had thin walls, so I could always hear them. 

It worried me. I didn’t want my family to change. I couldn’t take the risk, that maybe the stress and anxiety from my parent’s jobs were going to break them. My mind was already broken with these talking animals. The last thing I needed was a broken family. 

*********

I had a broken family. My dad and mom always were stressed, and they barely talked or smiled anymore. They were sad and empty. I would ask my mom if I could have McDonadals as we are driving by, and she wouldn’t say anything. She would just ignore me, and she always had dark bags underneath her eyes. 

Her silence always affected me. I would sulk in my room, drowning in the stillness of the house.

Silence was the loudest thing of all. 

 Slowly, I realized, I was getting depressed. I wouldn’t want to eat as much. My brain was clouded with sad thoughts. A smile rarely popped up on my face. If something good didn’t happen, I would lose my sanity. 

One day, I had enough of the silence of the house. I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed a cardigan off the rack and headed outside. I opened the door and stepped outside. The cold breeze ran towards me, inspecting me. I rarely came outside, and it felt good.

The cold autumn air.

The sun shining lazily on the grass and the trees.

The birds chasing each other through the sky, getting ready for migration. 

I walked down the wooden steps of the porch and walked across the grass. In the back of my house sat a huge forest with a narrow muddy path. I decided to explore.

If I hadn’t, my life would have been so much simpler. 

As I explored, an unsettling feeling came across me. A feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong.

I was right and wrong at the same time. 

Suddenly, the path stopped and opened into a huge clearing. The trees formed a lazy circle. A huge canopy was hanging above the trees, only letting in strips of light. And in the middle, sitting on top of a bunch of leaves, sat a fox and a bear.

My heart stopped. Maybe if I walked away slowly then wouldn’t notice me and eat my face off…

Too late.

They have spotted me.

And they haven’t killed me yet, so that is good.

The opposite really.

The bear smiled and talked to me. 

“Hi there. Would you like to come here so we can see you better?” the bear said softly.

“Bram! Stop talking. You know she can’t hear you!” the fox said disapprovingly.

“ Sorry Flare. I wasn’t thinking,” Bram said. 

“Um, actually, I can hear you,” I said quietly.

They both stopped and looked at me in amazement.

“Lies,” Flare said angrily.

“Now Flare, the girl may not be lying,” Bram said. He looked at me, hope in his eyes. “If you can hear me, say what I am saying. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” he said.

“Um, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” I repeated. 

They both stared at me. I started to get uncomfortable. Then Bram roared, and ran towards me. I was scared but stayed still. He hurled himself to me, and his dark brown paws pulled me into a hug. I have never felt happier. I buried my face into his soft brown fur and relaxed for the first time in a long time. 

After that, I would see Bram and Flare every day. They would jump with joy when they see me, and we would always talk and laugh.

“So, how did you know you could talk to animals?” Flare asked one day.

“Well, one day, a raccoon came up to me, stole my pear, and said thanks. I was confused at first, but it just kept on happening,” I said, recalling the day and laughing.

“Oh wait! A raccoon! Flare, you don’t think it might be Hook, would you?” Bram asked, his big brown eyes excited.

“Hmm, maybe. He is always careless about things like that,” Flare sniffed disapprovingly. 

Bram and I laughed. Flare was the serious one, and kind of like the mother of our group. She didn’t like pranks, which was bad because Bram and I would prank her all the time. She would get mad, but when she saw me, her eyes softened. 

When I told Bram this one day, a day where Flare was out hunting, he shook his head and grinned.

“Flare sees you as her child. Therefore, of course, she’ll be nicer to you,” he said. He didn’t sound bitter. He genuinely sounded pleased and happy. Maybe because I can get away with more things than he could. 

“ Well, what does Flare see you as?” I asked. 

He thought for a moment. 

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe an annoying bear who she is stuck with forever.”

He and I both laughed. I crawled into his arms, well, paws, and buried myself in his deep brown fur. I felt safe when I was with him and Flare, and it was amazing.

Bram and Flare were special to me. They opened up my life, making me happy. Their love was contagious. I was no longer depressed. I was always smiling. I even made a promise to them; no matter what, I would always be with them. I would never leave.

Promises are poison, and in my case, they ruined my life. 

One day, I walked downstairs, ready to go outside to see Bram and Flare again. Then I noticed my parents were both sitting on the island, and my mom was sobbing. I walked down, and my dad looked up, and his eyes were red and puffy.

My heart filled with dread.

Something wasn’t right.

“Mallory, honey, we have something to tell you. There is no easy way to say this, but your mom lost her job. She was been looking for interviews, and she found a company that would hire her. The only company, really,” my dad said, looking at me sadly.

“Isn’t that good news?” I asked, my voice small and distant.

“Yes, but not the news that comes after it. See, Mal, the only company willing to hire her is a company in New York,” my dad said softly.

New York. That’s halfway across the country. We were leaving. 

Bram and Flare. No. This can’t be happening.

I ran outside, into the forest, and told Bram and Flare everything. 

*********

They were furious. No matter how much I tried to explain, they wouldn’t listen. Flare looked at me sadly.

“You promised. You promised you would stay. How can you leave us like this?” she asked.

Bram shook his head, and with those words that would haunt me forever, they turned and left. 

They just abandoned me. 

The realization broke me into pieces. 

Ever since then, my depression came back, like a pest you can’t get rid of. I would never smile. I got bad grades. I barely talked, only saying a few words a day. Nothing could help me, not even numerous visits to a psychiatrist. My mom and dad were always worried. They would try to lighten me up, but their efforts were worthless. 

A broken mind and a broken promise can destroy a person, like it has destroyed me. 

*********

My mind snapped back to the present. 

I glanced around, staring at my closet. It was a risky move, but drowning the past can be deadly. 

I slowly got up and started walking to my closet. I opened the door and the first sight that my eyes were black. All my clothes were black. I got to my knees and started digging through the floor. I then felt something rough scrap against my hand. I put my fingers around it. I pulled out an old canvas. It was a painting I made. In it, Bram, Flare, and I were all together grinning. Bram was holding me, and Flare was in my lap. We all looked so happy. Something inside me snapped. A dam of feelings I had tried to hold in broke, unleashing my sorrow and pain. 

 I pulled the painting to my chest, crying, and felt myself dissolve into nothing.