Shaolin and Whantanu

“Shaolin and Whantanu”

It has been two years since I came to New Zealand. I do not have many close friends, except Shaolin Qi. The Shaolin Temple is the School of Buddhist Martial Arts in China. His grandfather learnt Buddhist martial Arts when he was young, hence named him Shaolin.

Shaolin was born in the Pacific Island country of Whantanu. His grandfather, Gudu Qi, migrated to Whantanu with his family soon after the New Chinese Government was established in 1949. Shaolin’s father was also raised and educated in Whantanu.

Since he was born in a military family, Shaolin is very familiar and enthusiastic about military strategies. He read many books on this area, hence when you talk with him about World War II, Chinese Civil War, Iran-Iraq War, even as far as the Battle of Waterloo, Stalingrad, Vietnam War… He knows all about all war-related things, because he is a walking encyclopaedia.

In 1996, he was 30 years old and working in Whantanu. He published a more than 70,000-word article on his web page titled “To what extent did the garrison of China in her Ili Kazakh Autonomous Prefecture affect the military balance of power of the region?” The article was so popular that the Chinese government was afraid it would ruin its friendship with its neighbouring countries. Hence, they put pressure on the Whantanuan government to expel Shaolin.

The first stop after he left Whantanu was Madagascar, and he stayed there for 3 years. Shaolin was an undergrad in computer science, and Madagascar has diplomatic relations with Whantanu. Hence, even though he was expelled by the Whantanuan government, they still helped him to find a job in the computer department of the Central Bank of Madagascar.

In the year 2000, he left Madagascar, came and settled down in New Zealand. Although Whantanu severed the diplomatic relationship with China in 2004, lifting the ban on allowing him to go back to his home country, Shaolin still decided to stay in New Zealand.

The first half of life of this person is very legendary, right?

So, what did he do before he migrated to Madagascar? He used to be the service manager of the Whantanu Reincarnation Zoo. The reason why the tourism industry in Whantanu can come to the fore among the rapid competition between Pacific Islands is naturally not because of its clear water and smooth sand beaches. Beaches, so what, here, there, and everywhere in the Pacific Ocean. White sand beaches in the Pacific Ocean are as common as corrupt high-ranking officials in any developing country. Beautiful beaches cannot make Whantanu especially different from other countries. There is a tourist spot in Whantanu that is unique to the whole world – the Reincarnation Zoo. Last Summer, Shaolin invited me to visit Whantanu with him. The Zoo really amazed me. I recommend all the people I know to visit the Zoo, because its uniqueness will make you tongue-tied.

The Zoo is located on the Phiphidhaii Island of Whantanu. There are all sorts of animals in the Reincarnation Zoo. Tropical animals like elephants, giraffes, rhinos, and polar animals such as seals, penguins. Usually, zoos will not display poultry or livestock such as chickens, pigs, ducks, and cows. However, you can still find them in this reincarnation zoo. The difference between them and animals in other zoos is, they can tell visitors what they will be in their next life.

The reincarnation zoo is Buddhist. First of all, it is necessary to let you know the mechanism of reincarnation, if you know nothing about Buddhism. The concept of reincarnation is actually the crucial dogma of Buddhism as well as Taoism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Jainism, and many dominant African religions such as Quanquaxism and Ghlorism. Such a concept is so influential that even many Atheists also believe in life after life.

Buddhism believes that all living creatures will reincarnate. Hence, in their beliefs, there is such a saying “To know the cause of one’s previous life, that is what present life suffers; to know the effect of next life, what one does in this life is.” What you are enjoying or suffering in the present life is the result of what you did in your last life. What you can enjoy or suffer in the next life is the result of what you did in the present life.

What visitors have to do is put your hand on the anus of a particular animal. If that animal defecates immediately, then that means you will be that kind of animal after reincarnation. So, every visitor pays the admission fee, come close to every animal in the cage, try hard to put their hands close to the anus of each animal, see any of them have bowel motions. If you want to have a better effect, that is, you want the animal to defecate faster, the zoo advises visitors to put their hands under their head when they sleep the night before visiting the zoo. You will get the induction with the corresponding animal more easily.

Sounds incredible, doesn’t it? Are any of you interested in what your next life will be?

Sounds extraordinary? Anyone interested in what your next life will be? What if I want to be human in the next life?

There is a kind of disease called excretion disorder. Make it simple, which is chronic constipation. Excrement accumulated in the body of the patient for more than 168 hours could be diagnosed as excretion disorder.

There is an excretion disorder specialist’s team in the Phiphidhaii Public Hospital of Whantanu. Despite using laxatives to help them have bowel movements, the team employed psychological therapy to help patients. Some patients have constipation because of psychological factors. Maybe they had a period of stomach upset, which makes their stool too hard. That makes excretion a painful and horrible thing. Hence, they become fearful of excretion and leading to chronic constipation.

To conduct therapies for these patients, we have to make them enjoy excretion. Hence, we will arrange them to have bowel motion in the special toilets of the Reincarnation Zoo on Phiphidhaii Island.

There are many kinds of animals in the Reincarnation Zoo. If a tourist walks around the whole zoo but still no animal excretes, the officer will lead him into a special room. The room is as big as the fitting room in a clothing boutique. There is a hole inside, so he can put his hand into it. Above the hole is a special toilet for patients the excretion disorders. The clinical people will tell the patient: once you have bowel motion, the poo will fell onto the tourist’s hand. Then he can be human in the next life. What is amazing the loo is if you can help someone feel good and happy!

So, what if the patient still does not have bowel motion? Oh, sorry, our honourable guest, you can’t be human next life, not even any animal in the zoo. Perhaps you can be a butterfly or an ant only.

So, what is the most notable food or cuisine in Whantanu? I asked Shaolin. If you have the chance to visit Galugalu Island of Whantanu, you must visit their chicken farm. He said. There you can try chicken eggs of different flavors: coffee, chocolate, and Coke. These kinds of flavored eggs can only be found in Galugalu Island.

In 2003, a Whantanuan food and nutrition scientist, Bom Bombarkan initiated an idea: eggs are a very popular breakfast. Coffee is a very popular drink for breakfast. Why not combine them? Hence, he started researching the possibility of getting two things together. He set up a laboratory and farm on Galugalu Island. 40 months later, he successfully produced an egg with coffee flavor.

To produce an egg with coffee flavor, first of all, the hen will be fed with coffee only, strictly no water since born. Then, a special hormone will be injected into the body of the hen when she is producing eggs in her body. When the egg is laid, the only way to cook it is to boil it. If it is pan-fried, a large proportion of the coffee flavor will be lost.

The first coffee-flavored egg was produced in November 2006. Later, by applying a similar method and technology, the farm is able to produce other flavored eggs.

However, the cost of producing flavored eggs is very high. Normally, a hen can produce eggs since the 18th week. However, the hormones damage the nervous system of the hens, they usually had 20-24 weeks life only. Hence, they only had a short period of time to lay flavored eggs. Since the production cost is higher than normal eggs, the retail price of each flavored egg is USD$18, which is approximately 100 times that of a normal one. I tried a coffee egg when I visited Whantanu. The taste is really excellent that I won’t forget.

During the trip with Shaolin in Whantanu, I asked him if he wanted to watch a Whantanu movie together. He told me that there is a Whantanu movie under production, which is expected to be a great movie. Eight of the most popular movie stars and pop singers in the world joined together to perform in a Whatanuan movie called “All’s well that ends well”. A couple of years ago, Whantanuan movie production house Amazing Images called up the most dominant stars to join hands together, to produce a movie to advocate disarmament for the world’s main power, so as to prevent a possible Third World War.

Within the last decade, there are expected more than 3000 nuclear missile heads are expected to have been produced in the world. More and more countries are involved in military competitions. Some countries even spent over 30% of their government expenditure on military maintenance and development. Nuclear-powered submarines can be found patrolling in major seas and channels. The development of militarism brought the Third World War to the verge.

Hence, the owner of the Amazing Images called on a movie. It is a comedy about how four couples end up getting married. Originally, one pair is in a relationship, one pair is cohabiting, one pair is divorced, and one pair is separated. The storyline is about how these four pairs end up getting married on the same day at the same church.

Since all the major characters are very busy, and they come from different parts of the world, the movie takes three years to complete the shooting. It finished its later stage production in 2011, and was ready to be shown in cinemas in May 2012.

However, it is still not being shown yet.

The hostile countries and clans are still in tension militarily. However, there is no immediate cause that may trigger a possible massive-scale war. Militarism exists, but the balance of power made an international war impossible.

The management of the Amazing Images said that once there is an outbreak of a massive-scale war, they will put the movie into the cinema. The box office income will be used for post-war relief.

This is a great movie cast by the most popular movie stars and pop singers. Everybody is looking forward to watching it as soon as possible.

Since the movie will be shown endlessly, some media call it “Waiting for Godot 20XX”.

Do you want to visit Whantanu? Currently, there is no direct flight from Auckland to there. There is only one international airport located on the Dhamhdhamhui Island, southwest of Whantanu. There is one flight to and from the Ngurah Rai International Airport of Bali of Indonesia, every week. If you want to visit Whantanu, you have to transit through Indonesia. Go to Bali of Indonesia first, then take a transit flight to Dhamhdhamhui Island of Whantanu, then take a ferry to the Phiphidhaii Island.

Shaolin decided to visit his family members in Whantanu next year. Whantanu is very interesting. I really want to visit this country again if I have a holiday next year.