The Last Will and Testament of Edgar William Sollow

Last Will and Testament of Edgar William Sollow 

Dear Fredrick, 

Here is the order in which I am designating my affairs and inheritance to you and your sister. 

To Katerina Belle Sollow, my beloved and good-willed daughter:

All property in my name. Horses and all of their care. Life insurance of $2,000.

Family jewelry and gold: Katerina

To Frederick William Sollow :

All photographs and letters from family of those I have slaughtered in your name, and this last testament of my own honor and justification. 

I expect to depart from this earthly living at 4 O’clock Sunday morning, and as I am writing this I am hoping that you are the one to find this note. I want you to read this with every memory of those who have come before us, and those whose trust we have gained and then lost. I hope it finds you in a place of vulnerability. It is to you I owe the pleasure of being in this predicament, after all. 

I am all of a sudden very saddened by this work we do. Thirty-two men have lost their lives because of your enticements and their own humanity. Now, it is time for me to lose my own life to escape your grip. 

For nineteen years you have convinced me that this life we live is for the best. That there is no other way to be pleasing to Him who created us. That what we are doing is for the good of all. I have now come to my senses and realize that the death of men is not ours to decide. Now I am holding blood on my hands that was not mine to shed. 

In order to give final right to the wrong I have done, I am shedding the blood that is mine to take. I am seeking revenge on behalf of all who need to avenge me. I am now killing the monster that we thought we had been seeking all along. 

I am that monster. I am the man who brings evil among us. I am the one who kills recklessly. I am now the one who fits the description of the unfit. I am no longer human. I must die to my own hands if I have any hope of pleasing Him. 

So for you, I pray you reach the same conclusion I have. Are we really seeking justice for evil to be put out, or are we the evil that is multiplying with every day? Are we the hunters that should have been hunted? 

In this game of war between what is right and what is wrong, you have led me astray. You have manipulated me to believe that we were superior beings to the rest of flawed humanity. 

You convinced me that He is only pleased when we purify our world of all the ungodly. We have killed men over greed, lust, adultery, and godlessness. But is not the world itself only evil, save the infants and innocent children? Are not there sins in every man’s heart that cause harm and take away the goodness of a nation? What if your spiritual encounter and revelations of judgement were that of spite and not of God?

I ask you, my son, to consider this thought: Does committing one sin, for the purpose of relieving our earth from sin, cause our world to be less tainted, or more so than it was before? Do our actions bring glory to His name, or shame upon His face? 

For these years we have been certain of our superiority over the rest of the human race. We have known in our souls that we were ridding the land of those who left red and black marks  in the atmosphere. We were decluttering homes of drunkards, abusers, liars, and thieves. But what if in place of those, we have left clouds of mourning, wretchedness,  hopelessness, and fear? What if those whom we harmed the most were those who were pure and left behind? 

For these reasons, I am resigning from this life of torment and ethical dissonance within my conscience. I am uncertain of the salvation of my soul. I am uncertain of all the beliefs we have held for so long. I am uncertain of anything good I have claimed to do in my lifetime. 

You were my son, my first born fruit. You were the heir to my own inheritance, and the mirror of my own face. You were the designated pillar of this family upon my own death. However, you became my own demise. You became a window into a world that I could not even see that I was in. You are no longer the son that came from my love for your mother. You are the son who tried to control fate with his own hands, and tied my hands to his own. I can no longer say that I love you. I can no longer say that I trust you. I wish I could say that I do not see myself in you. 

As the fourth hour of tomorrow morning approaches, I am planning in detail the vengeance that I will bring forth upon myself for all that I have done. You will find my body hanging over the edge of Surely Creek, to the North of Saddlebranch. I do not wish to have a proper burial, as this is my own punishment for the havoc I have reeked on others. I do not wish for visitation from family, only you to view my body before I am laid into the ground. I wish for you to look upon my pale face just as you have looked upon so many others who’s blood is on your hands. 

Pray for my soul, that He shall take this as a sacrifice worthy of forgiveness. And I pray for yours, that it becomes raptured with the justice that has been chasing after it for so long. 

Farwell, my son. May we go our separate ways in the life to come. 

• Edgar William Sollow, October 1st, 1903