Demolition Man

I’m a construction worker who’s main job is demolition. I get very excited each and every time using that 12,000 pound wrecking ball. You’ll be truly amazed what you’ll find hidden in between the walls or what might be living or buried in the basement. Before any demolition can be done the structure has to be inspected.

The house in questioned that I was inspecting to make sure that asbestos didn’t have to be removed first was once the most beautiful home in the neighborhood and now  had been abandoned for several years.

The owner was a quiet and eccentric man who eventually died of old age. He didn’t have a will and the residence wanted the now dilapidated home demolished.

Unbeknown to me and anyone else, the dead man from Michigan owned an illegal pet alligator and he kept it in the basement of his home. The man must have kept that 22 foot gator (1,300 pounds) in his basement for 20 years, which is almost all of the gator’s 26 year lifespan. The gator had free access of the entire basement in which was flooded with 7 feet of foul smelling water. Before I dared to climb down those rickety stairs I called my boss and pleaded with him not to take this job.

About an hour or so later he arrives. He asked me to follow him in which I vehemently declined. About 3 minutes later he comes flying out of that house as if he truly seen a ghost or Satan himself. Calm down I say as I dialed 911. My boss was having a heart attack right in front of me. Well it wasn’t long after until I felt a sharp pain that ran across my heart as well. He must have left the basement door open. Because that giant alligator was looking for some prey as I was looking to pray. If it wasn’t for one of the neighbors dogs barking crazy and distracted the big beast I might not be telling you what odd objects and scary things I’ve discovered tearing down old houses and buildings. He went through that 6 foot wired fence like General Sherman went through Atlanta to pursue something with such fierce determination and with the intention of succeeding with no thought of the consequences or a possibility of collateral damage.

Maybe I should have called Animal rescue instead of EMS. That alligator was away from the outside world and even away from light for a long time. But his smelling senses were on blast as he ate that 160 pound rottweiler, dog house, chain and all in one swallow.

I’m sorry I can’t share with you what happened to the giant alligator, but I will tell you that my boss never fully recovered from the sight of the huge beast and sold me his company.

One time I discovered this old lady Voodoo doll in the basement of an estate sale. The doll was very creepy and had the face and body of an old woman, which is something you typically don’t see on a doll. The expression on the doll’s face is one of anguish and terror. It isn’t recommended that you look at that horrifying doll face for no longer than a couple of seconds because it will somehow allow you to look at your existence in a different way.

My 7 years old daughter had been very disrespectful to one of her teachers in school as of late. I know sometimes children get wacky when the parents are on the verge of separation. I explained to her that it’s a grown up thing and try not to concern herself with our stupidity. It wasn’t until I brought her that ugly Voodoo doll I found in that old house that she changed her act in school completely in a good way.

My now 9 year old disobedient son kindly received a demon statue I found in the ceiling of a house in Pennsylvania. It was a scary black pot belly porcelain demon holding a wire that led back to the demon’s head. It was only a satanical lamp I placed in his bedroom when he came home from school. His negative attitude changed drastically.

I just want to say for the record that you do sometimes come across funny items such as when I was inspecting a dungeon looking basement to prepare for demolition. I came across a hilarious discovery. I found what appeared to be a leg, only after a few minutes realizing it was only a prosthetic leg. The leg was antiquated and was still wearing a Futuro Elastic Super Sock and one out-of-date, Enrico Bruno Italian Leather Men’s Black Lace Up Dress Shoe. The main question I asked my confused mind is how did it get there and why does it still have its shoe on. What was even funnier to me was visualizing the image of the person who is missing their leg right now. It could have been Cole Porters leg I got to thinking.

In 1937, the American composer encountered a horse-riding accident in Long Island, New York, which crushed his legs and left him crippled with chronic osteomyelitis, a type of bone disease. They were able to save his legs but he went through 34 surgeries and suffered tremendous pain his whole life, and he eventually had to remove the right leg in 1962. It was rumored that he once resided here at 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

One of the weirdest objects I ever found was some kind of key that was wrapped in a 1865 20 dollar national bank note with "The Battle of Lexington" and Pocahontas's marriage to John Rolfe printed in black and a green border. It was hidden inside of a chimney. How the 20 dollar bill survived the heat of that chimney for many years is beyond my comprehension.

In truth I really thought that I finally hit the jackpot. Finding dead squirrels, rats and bats always being the norm. And never discount the countless roaches and bedbugs, termites, silver fishes, spiders, racoons, pigeons, neighbors pets, skeletons human and animals and them 1,000 leggers bugs.

Come to find out that in1865, $20 bills were few and far between today because twenty dollars then is the equivalent to $2150 today. Paper money didn’t really become collectible until the 1960s. So there was really no incentive to save a $20 bill.

All was not lost because I had this unusual shaped key. A straight unplated shafts with the claw being attached by means of a screw-pin to a small metal projection. I just knew that key was used to open some kind of pirate trunk filled with gold doubloons, whatever their worth. Prior to its launch, pirates stole used foreign copper and silver coins they had brought with them or coins they had forged themselves. But only a handful of the gold doubloons were ever made and just seven exist worldwide today. The coin is estimated to sell for at least $5million when it goes under the hammer.

As you can tell I probably tore down one structure to many of hopes of finding hidden treasures. The first thing I did was go to the local lock smith. He had no idea what kind of key I had in my possession.

I got that tingling feeling in my fingers that allows me to know I’m about to get paid. When I finally located a pirate historian. The only thing he could tell me is that the object I had in my hand wasn’t a trunk key.

Foiled again I thought until I was able to match the key I had on the internet only to discover that the key was a dental key an instrument that was used in dentistry to extract diseased teeth. Before the era of antibiotics, dental extraction was often the method of choice to treat dental infections, and extraction instruments date back several centuries. Modeled after a door key, the dental key was used by first inserting the instrument horizontally into the mouth, then its "claw" would be tightened over a tooth. The instrument was rotated to loosen the tooth. This often resulted in the tooth breaking, causing jaw fractures and soft tissue damage. My two children never looked so happy as to see the disappointment on my face when they learn what the key really was made for.