K vs 12

Submitted into Contest #136 in response to: Set your story on a baseball field.... view prompt


Funny Kids

”Thank you for joining us on 93.1 The Groove and welcome to this years broadcast of Battle Creek’s K vs 12 ball game. I’m your host Al Average, joined by my friend and former K vs 12 superstar Bob Beltburner. How you doin Bobby?”

”Ill tell you what Al, it’s good to be here on this beautiful sunny day to watch this ball game.”

”And what a game it will be. Who do you think has the advantage this year Bob?”

”Well Al, the high school baseball team has won every year so it’s hard to vote against them. However, the kindergartners this year have a lot of spunk. It might be a long shot but they may make history and make it past the first inning.”

”Wouldn’t that be something! Let’s go down to our sideline reporter Jeff Sparrow. How you doin J-bird?”

“Im doing good Al. I just finished talking to the coach of the kindergartners. I asked him how his team prepared for this matchup and he told me that being mentally ready is 90% of the prep. He doesn’t want his team to be intimidated by the size of their opponents or how fast the ball is coming at them. I asked him what the other 10% is, and he said prayer! Back to you Al!”

”Thanks J-bird. We are just about ready for the first pitch of the game but first we’ll pause 10 seconds for station identification.”

Your listening to Al and Bob on A.M 93.1 The Groove!

”Welcome back to this years radio coverage of Battle Creek’s K vs 12 baseball game on 93.1 The Groove. We are ready for the first inning of the game. The kindergartners will bat first so that they have a chance. Lead off for the kindergartners is little Johnny Lewis. Batting 2nd is 5 year old Freddy Schoomacher. 3rd is Mason Matthews. And batting in the cleanup spot is the adorable Gretchen Christianson. Rounding out the lineup is Johnnys twin brother Billy Lewis, Alicia Keystone, John Garfield, Christopher Brown, and batting last is Alexis Engleschmidt.”

”Play Ball!”

”And here we go with little Johnny up to bat. The bat is bigger than him but his heart is bigger than the world. Here’s the pitch…

“Striiiike one!”

“Curveball to the outside catches Johnny of guard.”

”That’s a really good pitch Al. It’ll be interesting to see if Johnny is even able to lift the bat let alone swing it.”

“Right you are Bob. Here comes the second pitch…”

“Striiiike two!”

“That’s a fastball down the middle. Poor Johnny didn’t even see it coming.”

“He’s still struggling with that bat Al.”

“That he is Bob, but our little Johnny isn’t a quitter.

Johnny lines himself up. Eyes focused on the pitcher, the bat hanging down by his ankles. Here’s the pitch… and the ball bounces off of Johnnys bat into the infield! Johnny takes off for first and he is…… out! Aww, poor Johnny tried to slide but was a good three feet short of first base.”

“You gotta give him props though Al. Despite his struggles lifting the bat, he still found a way to get contact on the ball.”

“He is an inspiration to us all Bob. Sometimes life throws you a fastball and the best you can do is get in the way and hope it bounces off you.

Next up is Freddy Schoomaker. He drags his bat to the plate wearing a blue dinosaur onesie.”

“He’s always been one to make a statement with his fashion Al.”

“And what a statement he is making!

Freddie grips his bat tight. He’s holding it upside down but no on cares. Here’s the pitch…. AND HE HITS IT! The ball flys two feet from the plate and Freddie flys to first!”

“This is why he’s on the team this year Al. He’s a heavy hitter with his style and his swing!”

“Makes me want a get a dinosaur onesie for myself. It sounds like our sideline reporter Jeff Sparrow has something for us. Down to you J-Bird.”

“Thanks Al! I just finished talking to the kindergartners cleanup hitter Gretchen Christianson. I asked her what motivates her to play hard despite the odds being stacked against her. She proceeded to yell ‘STRANGER DANGER’ and kick me in the shin. Back to you Al.”

“Keep kicking those strangers Gretchen! Back to the field and Mason Matthews is at the plate. He seems to be holding a rolling pin instead of a bat. What do you make of that Bob?”

“These kindergartners are getting creative. The bats are heavy so they are adapting. We saw Freddie hold his bat upside down allowing him to balance it easier, and now Mason opts to skip the bat and use a rolling pin. This is a gamble that might pay off in the end.”

“Let’s hope he knows what he’s doing! Here’s the pitch……

“Striiiike one!”

“Oooh a swing and a miss for Matthews.”

“That rolling pin is easier to swing Al, but it is quite a bit shorter than a bat. Mason is going to have to stand closer to the path of the ball if he wants to have a chance, but he raises the risk of being hit as well.”

“A precarious situation indeed Bobby boy. Here comes the pitch…..

And It’s A Hit! Mason to first and Freddie to second! My oh my do we have a ballgame folks!”

“What a hit Al! Rather than waiting for the ball to come to him, Mason throws the pin at the oncoming ball, giving him his first hit of the day, and giving life to his team!”

“Next up is Gretchen Christianson, but first a word from our sponsors.”

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“Welcome back! Your listening to 93.1 The Groove with our broadcast of Battle Creek’s yearly K vs 12 baseball game. Still in the top of the first inning, the score is zero to zero. The kindergartners are looking hopeful, and the high schoolers indifferent. What are your thoughts on the game so far Bob?”

“Honestly Al, I’m surprised the kindergartners are still on the field. Their opponents tower over them and nap time was 20 minutes ago. You gotta admire their resilience.”

“That you do Bob.

Gretchen Christianson is at the plate holding holding what looks like a teddy bear. Interesting choice eh Bobby?”

“Yeah this isn’t a tactic we have seen before. The teddy bear is easy to swing but i would think it would be much to soft to send the ball in play. Even if by chance the ball is hit in play, it won’t be going very far.”

“She wouldn’t hit the ball far no matter what. She’s only 6 years old Bob.”

“Good point Al.

“The pitcher winds up, Gretchen grips her teddy bear by one of its legs. Here’s the pitch…..Holy Cow, Gretchen smashes the ball into left field! Boy did she make us look foolish! Freddy runs to third, Mason is napping at first, and Gretchen slides into second! What is that teddy bear made of bob?”

“Hope Al. Th..th..that teddy bear is filled with hope!”

“You seem to be choking up Bob.”

“I’ve never seen something so beautiful! No kindergartner has hit a double or made it to third base in all the years of Battle Creek’s K vs 12 games, and Gretchen Christianson made both those things possible today.”

“Shes something else isn’t she Bob? Now to our sideline reporter. What you got Jeff?”

“It turns out Al, that despite the name, softballs are not soft. Getting hit with one really hurts! Back to you.”

“You always tell us the most interesting facts Jeff. Well what a game it has been so far! Unfortunately the kindergarten team has forfeited because they all fell asleep. Like Bob said earlier, nap time was over 20 minutes ago and nobody expected this game to last so long.”

“Your right Al, we didn’t expect the kindergartners to last two minutes, but by golly they proved us wrong! They came out and proved what a group can accomplish when they are united. Those little kids have given the world hope!”

“No doubt Bob. They have also shown that nap time is more important than winning. Well, it has been a pleasure having you listeners join us today. My name is Al Average and on behalf of Bob Beltburner, Jeff Sparrow, and the rest of the crew we bid you farewell and thank you for listening to 93.1 The Groove.”

(fade out with “Head Over Heals by Tears for Fears)

March 07, 2022 20:47

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Riel Rosehill
11:26 Mar 12, 2022

So, I must remind mysel to pick up funny reads every once in a while, because this was just so much fun, I was laughing all the way through! The stranger danger part really cracked me up, and the bit about the soft ball hitting hard, LOL. “You always tell us the most interesting facts Jeff." Haha. Amazing humour and I honestly don't know how you managed to fit so many funny lines in one story and tell a story at the same time..! Inspires me to give this a go! It also kind of reminded me of the funniest book I have ever read (though, it was a...


Bradon L
13:56 Mar 12, 2022

Thank you Riel! I’m so glad this made you laugh. I’m gotta pick “Dirty Fred, the Captain, to read sometime. I’m always looking for new books


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Zack Powell
06:31 Mar 10, 2022

Okay, so first off, I'd like to commend you (and anyone else) who chose this specific prompt. I seriously tried all week to write something for this one and came up empty, so you seriously have my respect for making it work. As for the story: Frickin' funny! I read the title and I was like "He couldn't mean..." and yep, it was just that, haha! I love the premise. Absurdism is probably my favorite type of humor, and what's more absurd that a group of kindergarteners dueling to the death (ok, maybe not, but you get it) with teenagers. You too...


Bradon L
17:20 Mar 10, 2022

Wow! Thank you! I was worried that this one would be too crazy. I’m glad you liked. I really appreciate you pointing out the technical things because honestly I never realized this was entirely in dialogue until you said it was. And I had no idea what metafiction was until you said my last story was an example of it. So thank you! I’m learning stuff! The mynarrator thing was a small nod to the donkey man, but I agree that a cameo would’ve been great. He’ll pop up again eventually though. He still under contract for the rest of the ...


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