Thoughts & Trials on the Tracks

As an unexpected torrent of rain began to fall, you began to make out the form of the train station in front of you. You quickly rushed towards it after exiting a taxi you had taken from your home on the outskirts of the city. Your beating heart was rapid as you recalled the last words your mother had told you before leaving her for the beginning of a new life. Your mother had said only three things before saying goodbye: to be careful, to stay safe, and finally that she loved you dearly. Even though you didn’t think much of it at the moment, a sudden feeling of remorse began to sink in as you realized how much you were going to miss her. The two of you had had plenty of ups and downs in your relationship, but now looking back on those moments, you saw how she was of the few people who truly understood you. Still, deep in your thoughts, you almost didn’t hear the announcement that your train would be leaving soon. You again quickened your pace, but this time instead of the station, you headed towards the boarding area, and quickly your mind was again consumed with the excitement of embarking on a new adventure. You smoothed down your peach-colored, finely tailored dress, and approached the attendant who was standing by the train’s entrance, ticket in hand.

Once boarded you promptly chose a window seat and began to sort through the food you, along with your mother, had stored for the trip. There were plenty of snacks you had stored from home. In a small, brightly decorated plastic canister you found your favorite homemade meal as well as a thermos filled with hot chocolate. After choosing a snack -saving the meal for later- the train finally began its departure and you realized that the surrounding seats had been filled by your fellow passengers. To your right, you saw a couple, a mother and father not much older than you, with what looked to be their newborn son. You watched as they fussed over their baby and appreciated how much they truly seemed to care for him. Your thoughts continued to trail as you considered just how bittersweet the process of growing up could be, just 17 years ago you were in the same position as that child, receiving that pure love from your parents with your entire future ahead of you. Sometimes you couldn’t help but selfishly wish that you could have remained a child forever, receiving the benefits of unconditional love with nothing but your hopes and dreams in your mind. Of course, that’s just not how life works, and here you were now on the precipice of adulthood, seeking out new opportunities alone. This was a sad thought and you could feel yourself quickly falling into darkness, so you reminded yourself of the reasons why you were on that train. 

Just 2 months ago you were accepted into the prestigious Zarzinger College, only 1½ hours away by train. You were surprised by the acceptance at first and a flurry of self-doubt had almost been enough to keep you from taking that huge step towards your future, but that changed after you reread the essay you had submitted as a part of your application. For the majority of your life, you had felt lost, but reading back your own words to yourself it was like you could physically see what it was that you wanted. You were always afraid to admit it, but you wanted to leave home, you wanted to grow up, and more than anything you wanted to be a writer. The words leaped off that page and formed the image of a young girl filled with dreams too big for her small head, it was you. That was when you decided to move away from for college, to others it might have seemed like a small development, but for you -and your family- this was massive. Thinking back on that day a new wave of confidence washed over you, allowing you to finally relax. 

By now your train ride was beginning to near its end, you looked out of the window and took in everything that you were seeing since your endless thinking had distracted you from any sort of sight-seeing. Outside you could see an endless sea of green as you passed an apple orchard, the night before you had read about the intense agriculture of this area in a brochure, and now you were beginning to see the proof. You began to think about how funny and slightly peculiar it was seeing just how obsessed this town was with apples. There were apples around your seat, you saw people around you in apple-themed clothes, and most -if not all- of the food in the menu that you were provided was apple centered. This little bit of quirkiness helped you to feel even more comfortable about your choice to move, it’s weird, but the absurdity reminded you of home. Now in this new state of comfort, you decided to write a poem to express the feelings that you had at the moment:

Feeling like a cast-away

I face myself with new eyes

I view a sight so mundane 

A girl who’s obviously shy

Still, I see a spark hidden in that mind

One that will grow with each new hill

Challenging that climb every time

You failed to think of a final line but were content with what you had been able to come up with. You still needed a lot of practice -obviously- thought there was also a reason why poetry wasn’t your specialty. Right after placing your journal back in your bag was when you heard the announcement that you would be arriving soon. Gathering all of your stuff together your mind was finally empty of worry and even though you knew this wouldn’t last you still to bask in your peaceful state of mind. Beginning from the moment that you stepped out of that train, you were truly going to be alone, your own pillar of strength and you could not wait. Under your breath, you quietly muttered two final words of encouragement,

“I’m ready.”