She Babbled My Name From The Guillotine

 “I'm getting beheaded tomorrow”

I didn't even look her way. My eyes were transfixed by the sky. Already, on a side, the deep blue-purples and first stars, lighting up. Coming alive.

“It's really exciting, you know?”

Her voice was always like that, soft, like a whisper, barely rising above the background hum of the cicadas. I followed the gradient, watching the sky blend into gorgeous pinks and yellows playing on sparse clouds.

“I am not even sure if you, yourself, believe all that you told me about reincarnation. The beautiful shells we left behind. The egg I will go in after it's all through and through, now free of my sin.”

She's an idiot, she's such an idiot, such a naive girl, so stupid. I shifted in my coat. The yellows warmed into oranges, bright and undeniable above the horizon. Yes, I was fond of her. And that is why I just had to see this through. The final consequences of my lies.

“If you told me it wasn't going to hurt, it really wouldn't, you know. It would sink just like we are sinking into the night. And I would be so glad. And in my next life, I would meet you. And because I've come to love you, I would stick a knife between your ribs then braid your pretty hair”

And then, just at the edge of the world, the sun. The bleeding red spilling over hills and the city that belongs to her. The thick red mixing into the lake, poisoning the fish, making a dark slurry. The staining red reflected on every feature, every texture. The spectacular red at the finale, the closing, the curtains, lipstick, adoration.

When I realized, the sun was gone. Sliding over and away, only darkness in its wake.

“Take at least that secret to the grave, will you? I adore watching the sky with you... I bet the people would find a way to hurt me if they found out I am having such a wonderful time in my death bed.”

I snickered. Shook my head, eyes closed.

“Princess... I just honestly think you should suffer.”

“That's one of the many ways in which you are dedicated to me.”

“That's true. I did make a monster out of you”

Unmistakeably. A beast like no other this place has ever seen. A fearsome thing beyond tyrants, beyond corruption, beyond heinous crime. She left a gash in this world. And I told her that this was our engagement. Our priest is a guillotine.

She wrapped her arms around me.

“I'm sure karma will make you hurt a lot. And I will relish that, because I relish you, who could never love anything but transformation.”

Yes. She's correct. She's never been wrong about me before, and it's always been confusing. How much she understands. How little she cares. How lonely it must be. Lon-lovely nonsense.

She continued to speak, and her voice made me want to punch something.

“I wish I knew what goes through your head. I mean... is it even human anymore? Do you ever do things out of a genuine wish to feel happy? Or is it all like this? Just instinct?”

Her head was on my shoulder and I could smell the fancy perfumes she'd bought. I went quiet again, the same I always did when she wanted me to reply.

“You really just do things to hurt me. All of it is calculated for the most damage. And I am not even a special target for you, no special significance. I am married to a wall, and yet, I cannot see myself being happy with any other kind of relationship. If... someone tried to be kind to me, I might just disembowel them.”

She would. Was that an original trait, or did I put that in there? I have never looked her in the eye. But she was always gazing at me, expectant.

“I'm so glad you are the reason why I'm getting killed. I'm so glad I don't even get to die by your hand. I'm so glad you aren't even the most cruel to me and me alone. I'm so glad. You made me the most miserable and most happy person in this world, and that's my revenge. I'm not even having revenge because I want to. I'm having it because it would hurt me to hurt you, and you know it. You have moved even those pieces.”

Shaking , speaking between breathy giggles. What a wreck. What a starry wreck.And the next princess will surely be more of the same, if the factory is still open tomorrow. Not that I have any desire to check it out. I'll just meet the replacement one day and be reckless.

She's barely a person. I'm barely a person. The kingdom is barely a kingdom. The sky is full of white holes. The cicadas are all falling off trees, steadily.

“Do you remember how I used to ask your name all the time in the beginning? And you would never tell it to me... and you got me feeling so many things about the possibility of you telling it to me one day, just to never really tell me at all.”

She was nearly strangling me at that point.

“I think I figured it out, finally.”

...

Well. That was just yesterday's conversation. It doesn't have any bearing to the now, does it? Today, I sit alone for once, finally unburdened. The city cries, justice has been made, et ceteras that don't concern me anymore.

It was the same as ever, today. The red sun dropped from the sky with a splatter. I could barely hold in my laughter. Now, she rises, a ghost coming to haunt me, round and pale in the sky, irreversible, ethereal.

She touches the city and the people. There is a whispering of her eventual rebirth- but it's only just that. A whispering. My eyes follow the white, and she comes to rest in the lake.

She lies there. Quiet. Undisturbed. Shimmering. It's like the first time we met all over again, and just like then, I am taken over by an impulse. A need. A behemoth of a machination stoked by the utter peace of that mirage.

I stand up. I will drink the lake dry and piss on the bottom, waiting with bated breath for the blood to come flowing in once again.