Moccasins with blue and red beads

Forced by her Mother to wear a dress and rain boots, Nina was miserable.  The line outside the glass doors of the big building was long and full of adults dressed in pants and dresses and nice shoes. Nina, waist high to most of the people standing, focused on their shoes, some red, some blue, mostly white and black. 

Nina did not understand why anyone would wear the high-heeled, pointy shoes or the sandals with only thin straps holding them on. How could they run in them? And the thick leather shoes some of the men wore looked heavy, they would only slow them down when they were playing a game of tag. She liked the white or blue trainers best. She knew the people wearing them could run fast if they were being chased or wanted to climb a play structure. She did not want to be wearing the black rain boots her Mother put on her this morning.  

“Mom, I am hungry!“ Nina cried but got no response. She kicked the wall, liking how her thick socks in her rain boots protected her feet and softened the blow. She did it again and again until her toes finally did hurt. She looked down the long line of legs and pants of people just standing. 

On this cold day just before Christmas Nina did not understand why she had to be stuck going on this boring trip instead of at the park or riding her bike. She looked at her brother who was being good and holding a fold of their Father’s pants. She narrowed her eyes and quickly nudged her brother with her shoulder. Manny was two years younger, but he would not stop growing and annoyingly was her same height. Outraged, he turned and pushed her one handed, hard. Happy to have this new game she pushed him back. Being a baby, only five, he lost his balance, fell on his butt and cried. Her father leaned down and easily picked him up. She wanted to get picked up too, but she knew she wouldn't. 

“Nina!” Her Mother said, loud and sharp. “Nina, please don't cause a scene. We are almost inside.” 

“But he pushed me first!” Nina said, discounting the first nudge.

“You are the older sister, now seven years old. You need to act like it and be on your best behavior for your Great-Grandmother.” 

“I don’t belong to this family.” Nina repeated a phrase she had come upon last week which she found upset her Mother. She had recently recognized she was several shades darker than even her Mother’s brown skin and seemed unrelated entirely to her fair skinned, blue-eyed father and blond, blue-eyed brother. She wanted to be a part of the family, but how could she if she looked so different?

“Nina, you are my daughter. I don’t know why you say that-” Her Mother frowned in fake sadness as she knelt down. “Please be good, we will be inside soon.”

Nina folded her arms in protest and moved against the wall the line was queued up against. She peeked up at her brother. His blond hair and blue eyes glittered, all smiles in their Fathers’ arms. Fiery rage at the injustice of her being left standing on her own burned through her. She did not understand what was going on. She knew she had a Grandmother alive, her Father’s mother Grandma Sarah, and one dead, her Mother’s mother. She knew enough to look up to heaven, cross herself and say ‘Rest In Peace’ like all the rest of her Mother’s family did when they spoke of Abuela Munez. But who was this Great grandmother? What was a Great Grandmother, a better-than-regular Grandmother?

The line started moving and her Mother waved to her. “Come on Nina! All your Tia and Tios will be here soon!”

“Can you carry me? My legs hurt Mama.” Nina asked, still mad.

“No, you are a big girl and I have this bag. You can walk.” Her Mother said as she walked with her family. Nina, in protest, just stood there, watching her Mother go on. Waiting to see if she would come back for her. She lost sight of her dark hair with the two long thick braids, and then got nervous. Did her Mother really leave her?

“Nina!” She heard her name and felt her arm being pulled at the same time. The urgency in her Mother’s voice scared her into submission. Her Mother hadn't been this mad since Nina pulled down the orange blanket with the elaborate patterns hung on their living room wall. Nina did not really understand why the blanket her mother called Ohlone was on the wall, but has since stayed across the room from it.

“This is our family's Christmas tradition, don’t you remember?” Her Mother said as she walked toward the front doors of the building. “This is very important to me, and for you. All my family is coming.”

“Even Sara and Maria?” Nina asked, hopeful. Sara, nine years old, and Maria ten, were Nina’s cousins and everything they did was cool and fun. This trip would be better if they came.

“Yes,” her Mother said, “the whole family.” They were at the door, her Father fumbling with tickets to get inside.  

“We have not been in two years now, with the Covid.” Her Father said, still holding her brother. “Nina would have only been five, and too young to remember-”

“-I am not too young- I remember!” Nina stomped her foot to emphasize she was not a baby like her brother even if she did not remember.

“Ok." Her Mother said. “Now follow close, it is crowded and busy, but we will be inside the room soon.”

Nina had a vague recollection of the big building, and a time when she stood around these imposing gray stone walls. Her memories were mixed up with other trips with her cousins and the fun games they invented like hide and seek, or tag.

The pant legs were all around her, some tan, some blue-jeaned, and some black like her Mother’s pants. She saw her Mother right ahead of her, her long braids swinging and the large multicolored bag under her arm. Nina began looking through the crowd for Sara and Maria. I wonder what game they will play today. 

“I hope we play tag.” Nina said to herself. “That is the best game ever.” Nina was good at tag, small and quick she was usually the last one free at recess at he school. She followed the crowd, moving along with the black pant legs next to her not realizing until too late that these pant legs belonged to a stranger. 

*******

Nina found herself alone and her skin tingled with fear. She was by herself and there was room after room filled with people. Each room had pictures on the walls, while in the middle statues and little tables with more objects crowded the space. Nina began running faster into one room then another looking for her Mother, her Father, anyone familiar. Recognizing a picture she had seen know three times, she stopped, confused at the circling layout of this strange building. 

A tall man wearing a blue suit carrying a phone walked up to her. He had heavy black leather shoes. 

“Are you lost, little one? I can help-”

Nina wanted nothing to do with the strange man and took off in the opposite direction, dodging through legs and strollers and an old man with a walker. Another man in the same blue suit was at the far end of the crowded room. She saw him looking at her and she started walking backwards. She felt a soft thick rope touch the top of her head and then she backed into something behind her. The small table gave slightly before she stopped herself.

A loud voice shouted, “Hey you- don’t touch that!” 

Nina looked up to see the tall vase above her tilt slowly, it began to fall and she closed her eyes, putting her arms over her head in fear. When nothing happened she opened her eyes and saw a woman’s arms holding the vase and the two men in blue jackets getting closer. 

“You need to be careful child-” Nina bolted at the sound of the woman’s sharp voice, diving around the man in the blue jacket and into a small room filled with statues. A tall figure in the shape of a man made out of bundled sticks, reached out toward her, threatening. 

 She left that room quickly, and at a darker hallway ran down it, going all the way to the end and turning the corner.

Another room full of more pictures and art on the walls and small tables. But these were familiar somehow, welcoming, although she did not know why. With the room was empty of people however, she was able to relax. Looking through the room she saw a familiar blanket hanging on a wall. It looked just like the orange one at her home, a similar elaborate pattern, the same thick material, but this one was blue. Drawn toward the blanket, she walked by tables with displays of small leather shoes, woven baskets, and beaded jewelry. She had to know. Ducking under the thick rope in front she felt it. The blanket was the same fabric as the one on her wall at home. 

Thinking of her home she remembered she had lost her family. Did they even care they would never see her again? Her parents had her brother, they liked him better, maybe he was enough for them. Her legs suddenly gave out and she sat down against the wall. Nina felt hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

Brown, soft leather shoes with blue and red beads appeared in front of her. The shoes looked fast, good to run in, or climb with. She looked up to see they were being worn by a small, gray haired woman standing in front of her. The woman wore a hand woven blue shirt with brown designs down the arms over a beaded skirt. 

“Nina, Nina, don't cry.” The woman said. She was old, older than anyone Nina had ever seen, with brown sparkling eyes behind dark-skinned high cheekbones, her skin wrinkled and dry. The woman reached her hand down to Nina’s and then held it. Nina felt the warmth in her soft and gentle hand.

“You are going to be OK. Your family will be here soon.” The old woman smiled and Nina felt a comforting warmth flow through her. She saw the long, thick gray braids against her shoulders. Her wrists were full of beaded bracelets and she had colorful bone and beaded earrings in her stretched ears.

“Your family loves you very much.” Her hand squeezed Nina’s and then let go. 

“My name is Na'ura. Thank you for coming to visit me.”

“You are my Great Grandmother-” Nina said, her eyes blurry with tears. This was a better-than-regular Grandmother!

 Na’ura smiled. “I look forward to seeing how much you have grown when you come next year. Here take this.” Na’ura took off a thin blue and white beaded bracelet and slipped it on Nina’s wrist. 

“Remember me and come back. I love you.” The old woman leaned forward and brushed her lips against Nina’s forehead and Nina closed her eyes at the soft touch.

Moments later Nina heard noises and opened her eyes. Her Mother was sitting in front of her. “Wake up Nina!” Her Mother’s eyes were red. “You scared us so much! We have been looking for you all afternoon. We searched the entire museum!” 

Nina looked past her Mother for Na’ura but instead saw her Father, her cousins Sara and Maria all looking scared.

 “She must have remembered,” Her father said. “because she came right here!” Her brother ran up to her and for once Nina was glad to see his familiar face. 

“I can’t believe you found this room.” Her Mother gave her a hug. “They make it harder and harder to get to the Native Lands exhibit, making the other displays more prominent. But you did remember our family tradition.” Her Mother’s smile warmed her down to her toes. “Come, let us say hello to Great Grandma.”

Her Mother picked her up and turned her around to face the painting above her head. It was a scene of a mountain river, with a man crossing on a horse and pulling another. A young, beautiful dark-skinned woman was riding a horse in the background. Her black hair was in two thick braids and she wore a hand woven blue shirt with brown designs down the arms. She was looking forward, with an orange blanket on the horse, the elaborate pattern as familiar to Nina as her Mother’s face.

“Na’ura.” Nina pointed at the woman.

“How did you know her name?” Her Mother turned to face Nina.

“-You must have told her.”’ Her father said. “I wish they would change the name. ‘Mountain Man and Squaw’ is so disrespectful.” He gestured at the nameplate next to the painting. 

“Great Grandma said you would find me and I should come back next year.” Nina said softly. 

“She is more like your great, great, great, Great Grandma, but yes.” Her Mother said, facing the painting. “She is our family, Ohlone like us. People come to this museum and think they are just looking at a painting, but this is our history, our family. We come every Christmas to remember her.”

 “I met her, I met her!” Nina looked around at her family gathered around her. “She said to say thank you for always coming.”

“Ok, little one.” Her father said, smiling. “Whatever you say. Let’s head out and get some cookies.”

“Can I have shoes like Great Grandma, with the red and blue beads?” Nina asked, pointing at the painting.

“Those are called moccasins. We’ll see.” Her Mother said smiling as she put Nina down. She paused, and looked at the painting, closely.” “Red and blue beads…?” 

Nina fingered the thin beaded bracelet on her wrist.

”I will see you next year, Great Grandma Na’ura.”