Of night when my eyes refused to shut in sleep

Dear Diary,

My eyes fluttered.

Once, twice, and thrice, I blinked several times as I tried adjusting my sleepy but slightly awake eyes to the partial darkness of the room. Looking outside my window, I saw it was dark, except for the golden rays of light that streamed into my room from the illumination of the streetlights.

I turned to my nightstand and switched on the lamp to check what time it was on my cellphone.

1:00 am!!!

My heart did a skip and my eyes popped out of their sockets.

How on earth am I awake at 1 am? I thought as I rolled my eyes over and over in it’s sockets, wondering what could have woken me at these hour of the night.

Groaning and cursing in every language I knew, I picked my cellphone as I dragged myself out of bed and headed to the kitchen to fix myself a glass of vodka, I plopped on my sofa in the living room and turned on the TV.

Flicking through the channels, I wondered for the umpteenth time why I was awake at 1am when I slept barely 15 minutes ago. I tapped the screen of my cellphone to life, as I Googled the causes of sleepless nights.

The first factor I saw was caffeine. 

Wait, was my sleeplessness as a result of the excess coffee I took the day before at work?

With my brows furrowed in worry, I scrunched my face at my phone’s screen as I stared at the other factors staring back at me.

Hold up!

Am I anxious or stressed? Why on earth would I be anxious or stressed? 

Yes, I had a presentation at work in the morning. But I knew I was going to ace it already, so there was absolutely nothing to be stressed or anxious about.

You also knew I was going to ace it, right, Dear Diary?

Arrrgghhhh!

I swore silently as I shut my phone and switched the TV to Netflix. Flicked through the movies schedule and settled for one that I had been anticipating to see. The Banker.

3 other movies in tow and with 4 bottles of soda and half a box of Pizza down my stomach, the first ray of morning sunlight filtered through the window. And I was glad that morning was here. 

I picked myself from the sofa and got ready to face the day!!!

Dear Diary,

I am here again. It is another entry for my insomniac night. Last night was super crazy_Crazier than my first insomnia night. After spending the good part of my day on the presentation that turned out well anyway, I pumped myself with lots of coffee to keep me productive all through the day.

Imagine my joy when I got home after the day’s work and all that insomnia-induced tiredness to see my bed.

I was filled with joy as I anticipated a good night’s rest.

Quickly, I ran my bath, changed into my nighties, and jumped into bed.

Bliss.

Contentment.

I felt so good as I shut my eyes to sleep.

I lay there with my eyes shut, unmoving, as I await myself to be transported to Dreamland in 1…2…3….4….5….6…

60….61… 62….

101…. 105… 110…130…

I was so sure I’d fall asleep in between the numbers so I kept counting.

When I hit 200, there and then it dawned on me. Sleep had eluded me yet again.

Feeling defeated, angry, and tired all at once, I opened my eyesand stared at the ceiling for a very long time, as I wondered why one earth I was awake for two subsequent nights.

Obviously getting no response from the ceiling, I walked out of the bedroom and headed to the living room to commence another night of movie watching on Netflix till dawn.

Dear Diary,

It is the third sleepless night in a row and I feel so drained and fagged out.  My eyes are bursting with little shots of pain as a result of the long time they stay glued to the TV screen.

During the day, I had spent a long time with the boys after work, boozing and cheering as we watched our favorite soccer club tussle for the third spot on the league’s table, as they pressed hard against the visiting soccer team.

By the time I got home, it was 10:45 pm.

And by then, I was more fagged out than I was when the game started.

Slipping off my clothes lazily in a pool at my feet, I staggered towards the bathroom as I welcomed the soothing showers of water on my naked body.

After spending time in the bathroom, I walked into the bedroom and slumped on my bed, ready to fall asleep in an instant.

So, I lay there in my bed. Tossing and turning from one side of the bed to another.

After tossing and turning for as long as I could manage, I went to the living room and grabbed my art pack. 

Dear diary, don’t you think it is time I get back to drawing? I think it is since my nights are no longer for sleeping.

That was how I spent the entire night drawing inanimate objects on my canvas. 

*************************************************************************************Dear diary,

I think my luck has run out. These days upon days I spend not sleeping are finally beginning to take its toll on me.

I am fried. Burnt out and out of my wits.

It is evident in my bloodshot red eyes. Eyes that mirrored night upon night of staying awake from dusk to dawn.

Could it be more evident in my once upon a straight and energized gait that is now slouched, slumped, and unexciting.

Dear Diary, can you believe that I rambled at a presentation yesterday? And Mr. Coleman told me to take the day off because I looked like I needed the day off.

I definitely feel like I needed the whole week off to sleep my exhaustion and tiredness away.

Instead of coming home, I went ahead to the public library to catch up on some fictional works by John Grisham and some of the other fictional authors that I had missed reading from.

The hours spanned by as I engrossed myself in paperbacks upon paperbacks of books.

I left the library with my head aching from too much reading and under my arms were other books I had borrowed from the library to read all through the night if this insomnia persisted that night.

Guess what Diary? It surely persisted, but that night I didn’t feel angry or sad, as I alternated between reading and drawing some more inanimate objects.

Dear Diary,

After reading more than 15 books in less than 30 hours, I think I needed a break and that was what I did last night.

My eyes were sullen and tired, more bloodshot than they were the day Mr. Coleman sent me home.

And I wondered what he would say when he saw me in that state. He would definitely tell me the take the whole week off and see a doctor while at it.

Dear Diary, I was right. Despite my attempts to look presentable and ready for the day’s job, I couldn’t keep it up for too long.

It was worse during the staff meeting; my brain was banging against my skull like it was seeking an escape from the mess in my head. And the worse part of it all was my eyes drooping in sleep, as I dozed off during the entire time of the staff meeting.

I probably thought I had gotten away with my naps during the staff meeting until I got called into the office by Mr. Coleman. And after a tedious questioning section, he finally sent me home and asked that I consulted a doctor.

Dear Diary, you and I both know how much I detest going to the clinic, so I’d rather curl up on my sofa, sipping a glass of martini, and watching boring animals do boring stuff on NatGeoWild.

That was exactly what I did all night.

Dear Diary, are you wondering why I didn’t continue reading and drawing as before? 

I was just tired of it all.

*************************************************************************************Dear Diary,

I am tired. Even as I write this I am too tired to steady my grip on my writing pen.

My whole body is numb and dead from more than 5 days of not getting a good night rest.

I had called Emily during the day and explained my predicament to her, and Emily being Emily had suggested that I got sleeping pills from the medicine store.

I did as she suggested and got two bottles of the most effective sleeping pills they had in the store.

I got home and took 6 pills at once, and that was like two times the normal dose.

Dear diary, would you blame me for overdosing? All I wanted was to SLEEP!!!

6 hours after I took the pills, I am sitting in my living room, still waiting for the effect of the pills to kick off.

8 hours in, I am still there with eyes blazing.

10 hours in, I knew it was a lost cause and the pills were not just going to work for me.

Dear Diary,

Lying in bed with empty bottles of sleeping pills lying beside me, I couldn’t breathe fine and my heart was beating rapidly against my chest.

My eyes were shut but I could still feel my eyeballs moving and hovering against my shut eyelids.

I don’t know if I would get better or if I would finally fall asleep.

But Dear Diary, I am still here as I would always be every other night.

And Diary, I might not be able to keep writing in you as I need to conserve my energy by not overworking myself.

But I would definitely keep my entries in my heart to share them with you when and if I eventually get out of my insomniac mood.

Till then, 

Adios my dearest Diary.