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Fantasy Fiction Funny

This story contains themes or mentions of mental health issues.

The autumn breeze brought a sense of relief to the underworld ruler, Hades, who had just finished his five-thousandth anger management session.  You see, he had problems and resentment for the last thousand years. You don't just unpack that kind of Drama overnight. He realized his resentment towards his brothers, Zeus and Poseidon. This session was different, though, because he discovered that his biggest problem, the thing that was causing him so much grief, was the isolation he dealt with. The more he talked to his therapist and wife Persephone, the better things got. But something was missing….an apology from Zeus would be a start. He thought.

One of Hade's pastimes was visiting a Barnes & Noble, buying coffee, and checking out what new books or comics about him were coming out.

Before walking in, Hades looked at himself in the glass's reflection, slicked back his shoulder-length black hair sprinkled with gray and black, and adjusted his suit collar. He walked into the shop and was greeted by one of the baristas named Emily. 

"Hey, Mr.Hades! Do you want your usual?"

"Yes, a large triple shot espresso with two pumps of vanilla and one pump of pumpkin spice." 

"Coming right up!."

Hades enjoyed the smell of the bookstore, the sweet aroma of the coffee beans, and desserts, accompanied by a coconut air freshener that made him feel cozy and helped him forget his job of dealing with the damned for a day. 

Afterward, he went to his favorite orange chair near the graphic novels and mythology section. He saw someone sitting in his favorite seat and thought, These mortals are constantly disrespecting and rude and taking my favorite spot. He stopped and calmed himself, took a deep breath, and sighed. 

"Excuse me." 

The man put down the book he was reading. Hades was surprised that his brother Zeus had taken his favorite spot.

"Hades?"

"Zeus?"

"What are you doing here, brother?" Hades asked.

"Reading and drinking this delicacy the mortals call coffee."

Hades took a seat next to Zeus.

"How long have you been coming here, Zeus?"

Looking at his brother, he noticed that some things were different about him. His silver hair was trimmed shorter, his beard neater, and he didn't have bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He also looked as though he had gotten back into shape, which surprised Hades because his fights with Hera would go on for months or sometimes years. So, seeing him this refreshed seemed strange to him. 

"I normally come here on Monday mornings, but I had a meeting I needed to attend," Zeus replied.

"How long has it been since we last spoke?" Hades asked

" Approximately 79 years since WW2 ended."

"Ah yes, WW2 nasty business that war was. I didn't realize mortals would be capable of such death and destruction. Those were not fun times. The river Styx was flooding; Getting those souls judged and situated took a century. I felt like I had a salary clocking the overtime but without the extra pay." Hades shuddered. 

"What did you do with my son Ares' pet?"

"Oh, Hitler, let's just say he's toasty." Hades smiled

"What has Ares been up to recently?"

"Well, ever since I stripped him of his powers, he hasn't talked to me, but he seems to be finding himself; he's on tour with a metal band."

"We live in strange times, Zeus."

"That we do." Zeus nodded in agreement

"Have you read this, Hades?"  Zeus held a copy of Lore Olympus

"Yes, unfortunately, I have; however, I like it much better than that Disney adaptation. That was made of me."

"I thought they did you well."

Hades took offense to his comment, his anger slowly rising

"Listen, I don't get why they painted you like Mr. Goodie two shoes and made me this jealous, angry, envious…" Hades was seething with rage

"I don't know. Looks like you're proving my point." Zeus replied with a  sly smile

"No,  they didn't, Hercules wasn't even Hera's kid. That was that lady. What was her name, Alpachini?"

"Her name was Alcmene.." Zeus was glaring at Hades

Thunder was heard outside, and clouds began to gather.

"It looks like I'm not the only one who needs some anger management." The air around Hades grew hot, and his chair began to melt.

Some people stared at them. Hades tried to hide the melted chair armrest with his body.

"Did you just burn the chair?" an employee asked

Hades had an aura of intimidation that was only amplified when he was upset, and They started hearing arguments in other parts of the store. I need to breathe and relax. The last thing I need is mortals killing each other. Hades, using his godly powers of persuasion, simply said.

Hades, using his godly powers of persuasion, simply said.

"No, no, the chair’s not melting, you see-."

He noticed the employee was holding a blu-ray copy of Disney's Hercules. He walked over to the employee. Zeus watched gleefully with a smile. Hades was imposing. What would you do if a tall, 6'5 man who looked like he could wrestle Bull told you to give him the movie?

"I was looking for that, thank you! Bye now." 

The employee, scared, backed away and pretended the conversion never happened. Hades returned to Zeus and broke the box set instead of burning it.

"You didn't tell me you were in Anger management," Zeus replied

"And why would I do it? You know how embarrassing and belittling it makes me feel that I, THE FREAKING GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD, have TO GO THERAPY!"

An elderly by the religion section heard their conversation and looked at Hades. 

“ Young man you are not the lord if anything ya look what I picture Satan to be.”

Zeus let out a loud roaring laugh that shook the very store.

“ Listen lady you’re  right I can see where you coming from,

Hades took a deep breath

I must remain calm. I will not burn this lady. She probably has a cat she needs to get back to. 

Zeus's anger subsided. He felt sorry for his brother but was also empathetic. He reached his hand out and patted Hades on the shoulder. 

"I'm In therapy as well…" he admitted

Hades instantly cooled himself and sat down. He crossed his hands in a position that showed he was in deep thought. Did he say he's in therapy? 

"For what?" he asked 

Zeus sighed and looked around to ensure no one was looking or listening.

"If you laugh at me, I will strike you with lightning."

Hades nodded 

"I'm in  SA."

"What's that?"

Zeus fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Sexaholics anonymous."

"What are you serious?"

"Yes, why would I not be?"

"I just never figured you'd admit that you have problems."

"I like you….and everyone else in this building." Zeus retorted 

"Just like you. I got tired of my portrayal in these films, movies, and comics. They paint me as some royal pompous jerk who cheats on his wife. But there was more to it than that. It wasn't until Hera I started attending marriage counseling that things began to make sense."

Hera and Zeus in marriage counseling? Hades thought 

There was silence and understanding between the two brothers for a long moment. Hades felt terrible for making fun of his affair with Hercules's mother.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Zeus." Hades took a sip from his coffee.

"I'm sorry too, Hades, what I did to you in the past. I wish I could take these things back. Passing the rule of the underworld to you was not right. No one, Immortal or mortal, should not have to suffer that much isolation…You see, when I decided who ruled between you I and Poseideon while we  drew lots on mount olympus, I might've tampered with who got the bigger stick."

Hades spit his coffee over his brother.  What is going on? Is this Zeus?  He was not surprised by Zeus' past treachery; he just confirmed a theory. But it's too late to open that can of oracles. Hades took a long while  to reflect on his brother's words. He felt somewhat relieved that his brother. Understood the wrong he'd done to him.  He couldn't explain it, but he felt as though the weight of the world were lifted from his shoulders..

Zeus pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the pumpkin spice from his face.

"You sound like someone who's been going through a bit of isolation yourself." Hades replied

"Yes, the top of the mountain can be the loneliest place, brother."

They suddenly shared this moment, this bond that neither could explain or understand.

"Brother, I must say I'm both surprised and happy for you for once in my life."

Hades took a sip from his coffee, warming it slightly with his hands.

"I'm proud of you for getting help and finally admitting you're wrong." 

Hades gave Zeus a little jab. Zeus jabbed back a little harder, and Hades returned the favor. Zeus, annoyed, just used some of his strength and sent Hades rolling back from his chair with a  CRASHHHH. Some people noticed this and grew worried. Hades got up, collected himself, and dusted himself off. 

"Don't worry, folks, just brothers being brothers."

Hades returned, picked up his chair, and looked for his coffee. Zeus held it out to him in one hand. They heard someone approaching. It was the store manager. She was a tall woman with long red hair and piercing green eyes.

"I'm afraid you two will have to leave, and you're causing too much noise. And is something burning?" She smelled the air around her

Hades looked at the woman with a withering glare and thought. I could burn this insolent mortal to a crisp right now who does she think she is to kick me out?. Zeus realized what was about to happen.

"No, no, calm down. Don't do this, you."

Hades collected himself. Zeus turned to the manager and couldn't help but admire her beauty. The manager was lost in the way Zeus looked at her. Hades now realized what was happening.

"NO, NO, NO, stop, he's married!" 

Using his powers of persuasion, he convinced the mortal they would make less noise. And to go away.

"Thank you, royal pain." Hades said 

"You're welcome, James Woods." Zeus smiled

"Make one more comment about that movie. I swear to God! You know I got one for you. Why don't you go screw someone's wife, Liam Neeson!"

"You’re referring to his role in Clash of the Titans. I take some offense, but let's be honest, Liam Neeson is a fantastically talented Mortal."

"You're right. I did enjoy Batman Begins."

The king of the gods and god of the underworld shared a laugh.

"Say, what's Poseidon been up to?" Hades asked

As if Hades struck a chord with fate, the news on television mentioned a category-one hurricane along the east coast of the US. A lot of trash and debris were being dumped on the beaches. 

"Ah, I see he is fighting his greatest enemy, Pollution," Zeus said mockingly.

"You think he's gonna win the fight?" Hades replied

"Who knows, that depends on mortals."

Both Olympians spent their remaining hours together until the store closed, catching up and teasing one another. Once the store closed, both Gods left the bookstore and went to an open field near the shopping center. It was too dark for anyone to see them.

"I'll see you here next week, brother,"  Zeus said

"You as well, brother." 

Both brothers left to attend their duties in running the world. Hades could help but think to himself that his therapist was right. Time heals all wounds.

October 06, 2024 12:02

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