Letting go

‘Morning mum’ I said creeping around the door of my parent’s bedroom.

‘Morning darling. Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘Ooh yes please. How many have you had so far this morning?’

‘Ooh I think number three. I drink too much tea. It's hard when your fathers alarm goes off at 530am so he can lycra up and go for a cycle before heading to work.’

Mum and Dad ran a book wholesaling business which dad had started on breaking away from his father's business and make it on its own. He'd creating quite a niche for himself in the trade, and I hadn't known a time when Dad was simply relaxing. When he wasn't over at the book warehouse loading up orders, he was on the road touting for new business but would always be home in time to help me with my geography homework. There wasn’t much time for anything apart from the business and family. When I overheard mum saying 'get on your bike' to dad one evening, I hadn't realised she meant it literally, but it had also come as quite firm doctors' orders to lower his ever-increasing blood pressure.

‘Come on, jump in.’ said mum lifting the duvet and passing me the remote.

‘Turn this over if you like. They’re just talking about a social media network, whatever that is, called myspace. I don’t really understand. Other than that, it’s all just misery.’

'I may just turn it on to channel 4. Oh, here we go, an episode of friends.’

‘That Rachel character has got such great hair. I thought you looked like her when you were heading out last night.’

‘Ha. I wish.’

‘No really, you looked gorgeous.’

‘Well Stephen is a genius’

‘So, dare I ask what happened last night?’

'Sorry mum, I didn't mean for you to worry.'

'I can't help it. you know I have to stay up until I hear you're back safely. Were Jo and Tam pleased to see you? I bet they were'

‘Oh, I don’t know. It was a bit of a disaster really.’

‘How did you get home?’

‘Well, I tried to get a cab, but they were all fully booked so I just walked back.’

‘What time was that?’

‘3am ish’

‘Oh darling, you’ll be needing that tea. Well at least it was the two of you, so you had company.’

‘mmm’

‘what's mmmm?’

‘well, I was on my own as Jo sort of just abandoned me at the end of the evening. I think she went off with Jago.’

‘Oh no darling. I thought Tam was with you?’

‘no, she left at about 11 as she had to be up to milk the cows at 5 and then start to muck out.’

Dad came into the room wearing his ridiculous cycling wear.

‘Morning sweetheart.’

‘Morning dad. Off for your cycle I see.’

‘Oh yes good for the blood pressure. Cup of tea?’

‘Oh yes please.’

‘You have mine and I’ll make another.’

‘Oh, thanks dad.’ Dad then headed down the stairs, conscious that they may be having one of 'those mother-daughter' chats.

‘So did Jo say she was leaving?’

‘No, she just disappeared, and I was left chatting to one of Jagos friends who was clearly keen but was so dull.’

‘Oh sweetheart. Just call us if you can’t get a cab.’

‘Oh its ok. The streets aren’t too mean.’

‘you’ve got to be so careful especially at 3am.’

‘I know, there aren’t that many people around. There are always so many people around at that time in Oxford.’

‘I think Jo finds it hard as you have a life and career elsewhere.’

‘I don’t know. Surely not. I know she’s not really working as she’s been quite poorly. I’m just sad as I'm not home that much. I thought it would have been nice to have a bit of fun together, but she seems quite taken with that Jago. I can't understand why. He’s so short.’

‘Well, we all have different tastes.’

‘Do you want a bit of toast?’

‘No thanks, I'll have a banana and head out for a run. Always makes me feel better.’

‘Well don’t worry about Jo. I’m sure she’ll call.’

I took a sip of slightly stewed tea and then headed back to my room, put my running stuff on and tried to forget about the night before. I couldn’t even remember the name of Jagos mate. He clearly thought he was going to get lucky. Grim. She remembered the conversation:

‘What do you do Rachel?’

‘Rebecca. Not a lot. Fanny about with the press releases.’

‘oh cool.’

‘it’s a Bridget jones quote. I work in marketing. What about you?’

‘I work in the skate shop in town.’

‘Do you skate?’

‘Na. Hate skating.’

‘mmm’

‘Where are you headed after here?’

‘Bed.’

‘Oh cool. The nightclub in town: BED?’

‘No, I’m heading off to sleep. Listen it's been a pleasure, but I've got to be up early.’

Surely, he knew it wasn't going that well but slightly scared that he may try and stick his tongue down my throat anyway, I made my exit.

There were about 5 taxis waiting outside the Headland nightclub and a crowd of inebriated teenagers looked happy to roll down to the beach. After many attempts of getting a taxi, I felt happy to walk the 10-15 min walk back to my parents' house. It was quite a quiet road, but I felt comfortable walking back. I was pissed off with Jo. Despite her diminutive figure, she had managed to neck about four pints of lager and spent most of the evening smooching Jago. They’d been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. He certainly wasn’t my type, but she thought he was cool because he surfed and knew a lot about plants. Marijuana plants I suspected as when I tried chatting to him, he looked complete out of it and seemed to giggle at the most ludicrous things.

Heading out on my run that morning was a complete tonic. I loved to run down the hill to the beach and pick up the coastal path stopping at certain markers along the way to look out to sea. I felt as if the sea offered the answers to most of life’s conundrums. I listened to a wide variety of songs on my iPod from Bach to David Guetta.

Back at home, full of sweat and focus for when I got back to Oxford, mum said ‘guess who phoned while you were out?’

‘Oh really?’

‘She sounded awful. Why don’t you call her back?’

‘I'll give it a while.’

After some bacon and eggs, I dialed jo’s parents' house.’

‘Hey Mr. Finn.’

‘oh, good morning Rebecca. Jo’s just here, I’ll pass the phone to her.’

‘Hey me dear.’ Said Jo sheepishly.

‘Hey you.’

‘Listen, can I walk down to you in a bit?’

‘of course.’

Jo appeared in the layby opposite my parents' house about 30 minutes later dressed in her usual wacky attire. A bright blue fluffy jacket and a thin floaty dress over her swimming costume.

She looked close to tears and then handed me a penguin bar.

‘I'm sorry me dear.’

‘it's ok.’

‘it's not ok. I just went off.’

‘it's ok.’

‘Will you forgive me?’

‘of course,’ and with that I hugged by best friend of 20 years.

‘How is Jago?’

‘he’s good.’

‘Did you stay at his flat?’

‘No, I was going to but then I thought I better head home as mum and dad would worry.’

‘Are you up for a walk to the beach?’

‘sure’

‘I had a bit of a strange encounter as I think I was being followed on the way home.’

‘What? By whom?’

‘I think it was one of the chaps from the kebab chop. When I got to the bottom of the hill, he tried talking to me and I just kept my head down and picked up my speed.’

‘Oh jo, that’s so scary.’

‘It gets worse, he actually caught up with me and went to grab my hand’

‘What the fuck! What did you do?’

‘I actually screamed fuck off and that seemed to wake up some of the bungalows nearby. He then ran off’

‘that’s terrifying Jo. You can always call me no matter what time of day or night and I'll come and slap someone for you.’

Jo started to tear up.

‘it's ok jo.’

‘you’re just so lovely and I have been a rubbish friend.’

‘you’re not rubbish.’

Arriving at the surf club, Jo introduced me to a couple of friends I recognized but didn’t know.

‘This is Nay, Nay this is Rebecca’

‘Hey’

‘And this is dog’

‘And let me guess you surf?’

‘Yes, my name’s Nigel but thought dog more apt for a surfing vibe.’

‘hilarious’

I was pleased Jo had met some nice people. I carried on chatting to Dog who was surprisingly funny and then noticed Jo had disappeared. Moments later she emerged from the surf club with her full wetsuit and body board.

‘Just heading in for a quick surf. You don’t mind do you me dear?’

‘No of course not.’

But I did mind a bit at being ‘abandoned’ again so made my excuses to dog asking if he’d let Jo know and I nibbled on my penguin bar reflecting on returning to Oxford.

When I saw mum again, she asked after Jo. ‘Mum the thing is, she apologized about last night but then decided to head off to surf. I thought we were meant to be spending some time together before I headed back. I don’t know maybe we’re just on different paths at the moment.’

Jo may be finding it hard that you’ve moved away and have a new life in oxford.’

‘she’s still my best friend.’

‘You could always write her a note.’

‘I'll send her a text when I’m on the train later.’

As I was pulling into Oxford later that evening, I sent jo a text, ‘Lovely to see you albeit briefly. Hope to see you at Christmas when I’m next down.’

‘lovely to see you too. Nay and Dog enjoyed meeting you. Sorry again to abandon you.’

‘No probs. Right just pulling into Oxford. Speak soon my friend.’