The Guests

“We apologize for eating your wife,” the three strange creatures announced in unison when Thomas Aldridge opened the house door.

The man turned pale, swayed, and fainted.

***

Four human volunteers were on board the spaceship, as the aliens demanded in Morse code. Of course, none of them were there entirely voluntarily. The delegation included Archie Adamson, a representative of the US military Space Forces; Ethan Walker, a representative of the US Department of Defense; Heidi Aldridge, a representative of NASA; and pilot Austin Wilson.

A little embarrassed, they introduced themselves to each other. Then they were silent for most of the flight, each thinking about their own and simultaneously about the same thing: how significant was the risk that the strangers in the ship hanging in the sky would gobble up the first trial batch of "diplomats" from planet Earth. Of course, there was something about this in the contract, but instead of a clear "if to be devoured" and understandable insurance figures, they wrote gibberish that could not be read aloud because of the risk of summoning demons.

Before docking with the alien spaceship, people drew matches to determine who would introduce the delegation and start communicating with the foreigners. By the way, it was unclear what language they would have to speak. Ms. Aldridge got the short match. 

Therefore, she stepped forward when three exotic guests crawled aboard their ship. In shape, they resembled jelly-like cones; in color - plums; and in habits - cannibals, since the alien crawling like a snail in front swung forward and with his whole body swallowed the leader of the delegation, Heidi, chosen by the short match.

“Um... Heidi? Did they eat her? Will they return her?” Ethan hiccupped in fear.

The Earthlings did not have time to recover from the shock; the visitors merged into one mass, again broke up into three cones, and began to moan in chorus and beg for forgiveness in understandable English.

“Our race exchanges information by merging, but your human organisms were not adapted to this. Now we know this: only your beautiful lady can no longer be saved; she has been digested. But her knowledge, experience, and emotions are preserved and will live in us. Can we somehow compensate for the harm caused? Our race has many technologies unknown to you and potentially valuable for humanity, and we are ready to share them ...” 

“We agree,” Archie nodded, forgetting about the absorbed and digested Heidi.

“And we need to apologize to "My dear Thomas" personally,” the outlanders added in chorus. “He occupies most of your colleague’s thoughts.”

No one objected.

***

Mr. Aldridge slowly came to his senses, blinked frequently, and made quiet sounds similar to sobs. The outsiders recognized one of them as coming from the memories of the absorbed wife, and they began to talk.

“Sir, hysteria… this is normal for you now. But you do not need to be sad. We have an offer for you. If you want, we will absorb you too, and your consciousness will be able to reunite with the consciousness of your wife,” the extraterrestrials consoled Thomas as best they could. Having rummaged a little in their newly acquired knowledge of Heidi’s absorbed consciousness, they added in confusion, “It will be very romantic. Maybe... She thinks so. It seems... She thinks a lot in general. About space...” 

There was something familiar in these words because the man sobbed, squinted, and said:

“My wife? And romance? What are you talking about? She probably asked to get into your belly herself. If only I didn’t have to pay the damn mortgage. We’ve already received a notice of delinquency and need to catch up with payments tomorrow. We can’t afford to lose the house! And you don’t need to absorb me. I have children! Neither I want a merger with her mind, nor do I desire to listen to her space research and its importance for the future of the Earth. No! I don’t need any absorptions or mergers! I have children… And a mortgage! And debts!”

“Your wife’s mind prompts that insurance will cover the mortgage,” the aliens justified themselves in a quiet chorus. “And we are ready to compensate you for the inconvenience caused...”

“Compensate? Compensation is good! Then come into the house! You can hold objects, right?”

The Unfamiliars quickly released four tentacles from their bodies.

“That’s great. Hey, Heidi, remember our list of things to do before the New Year?” Thomas raised his voice, hoping to reach his wife.

“Of course, I remember, Dear.” the unknowns waved their cone tops. “It was still lying on the table in my office.”

The husband went into the office and returned with a stack of paper. After running through the list, he began assigning assignments to the aliens.

“You go to the kitchen to cook dinner; the children love mashed potatoes,” he pointed at one of the aliens.

“You go to the children’s rooms and tidy each one up, but so that the children can find their toys,” he gave the assignment to the second.

“And you do a general cleaning of the rest of the rooms,” Thomas pointed to the third.

The creatures sighed quite humanly and began to crawl around the house.

“And when you’re done with the house, go out to the backyard and get to work there - you need to remove all the snow and dry grass and fix the barn’s roof. And I’m going to pick up the kids from kindergarten. I’ll be back soon and see how you compensate me for the inconvenience.” Mr. Aldridge continued to instruct the foreigners.

The aliens nodded their cone-shaped heads in bewilderment while he spoke.

Thomas returned a few hours later with three small children, who rushed to the backyard to meet the visitors.

“Our departure from this planet is postponed indefinitely. We will begin our new lives here with the Earthlings on their New Year.” The extraterrestrials exchanged information, merging into one cone that was sorrowfully staring at the ship hanging in the sky.