Garden Gnomes

I tried to keep up with all that needed doing here on the farm, but the garden was tangled with weeds, the ground was hard and parched and the trellises needed attention. I’m happy to have taken ownership to this place, but right now it seems all my parents left me was the work of three people. Naturally the animals always take first priority. If the chickens don’t get fed, they chase me around and squawk at me until I do. The goats charge me in the knees or bleat until they get their way. The crops are quiet, so I may have neglected them some.

This morning was all about the peas which were planted on the north side of the garden and the pole beans next to them. I constructed trellises using bamboo sticks, which gave them plenty support to grow as high and strong as they wanted. We had a storm last week and some of the trellisis fell over or popped out of the ground or just fell into each other a little. First thing I did was get that back up and in good shape.

 I loved going out when the sun was still rising because I could watch the little tendrils and shoots reaching up to the sun and shuddering with life. White flowers tasted the morning air and made it smell sweet and dreamy. I had forgotten with all the stress I was feeling. 

I worked the soil, with a hoe and a garden fork, and then lay the irrigation hoses. We only put those out when it's actually dry because they tend to hold mildew and such if they just lay in wet soil all summer. The sun came up hot and blazing. I had my fishing hat on but my face was still burning up. I tried to work with my back to the sun, but it felt like a firestorm, burning me alive. I admit, I was grumbling up a storm to myself at that point because this was going to take hours and I still had goat milk to make into cheese and eggs to get to the co-op in town.

As I placed one of the hoses near the back of the northernmost, I saw one of mom’s garden gnomes pop his head out. I think this one was Harry. He was behind the plant and when I moved it, the gnome peeked out and I swear I heard him laugh at me. Of course it was hot and the light was weird. Funny thing was I didn’t remember seeing it there when I trellised the peas. In fact, I don’t remember seeing them for a long time.  I could have missed him I suppose. He’s only about a foot high. I said hello to be polite. Mom told me the gnomes moved freely within the earth like we do on top. They come out at night to work or play but if they come up and the sun hits them, they turn to stone. I guess this one was checking out the garden and didn’t head down his rabbit hole in time. She told me to always have respect for the gnomes and that I should assist them if they asked. She said they were tricky but not evil or malicious. 

I never paid much attention to her stories about the gnomes. I remember their names and that they are supposed to be lucky for the growing season. I’m sure I didn’t see them here this summer though. Mom told me they come and go and move around but I didn’t think she was serious.

I turned to go down the next row and there was another gnome. This one was called Hans. I remembered him because he looked like Santa Claus. He stood there behind a pea plant with his finger pointing right at me. 

“Well hello Hans. Nice to see you. Can I help you?”

No answer. 

When I turned around, Grimm, bit my ankle. I know it sounds crazy, and I also know there was a stinging nettle there, but I think Grimm used that stinging nettle to bite my ankle. I am almost completely sure the nettle wasn’t there before. Mom said Grimm let critters up from under the ground like snakes and mice. I don’t know if mom was just making up stories or if any of that is real. All I know is that I didn’t see the gnomes before and I am getting pretty familiar with this garden being the only one here to care for it.

Our farm was bordered by Deep Rock lake to the east, the road to the west and forest to the north and south. I heard a scuttering in the woods to the south. I couldnt see anything but a little movement in the leaves and some underbrush. I closed my eyes so I could hear better and try to determine a direction or location. 

I should have stopped and drank some water but I didn’t. I followed the sound into the woods. It was a possum. A big black possom with a pink nose was standing on the path and looking me straight in the face.

“You called?” it said. It didn’t exactly speak but I could hear it anyway.

“Me? Uh, did I?”

“You woke up Grimm didn’t you?”

“Uh. Grimm? The gnome?”

“Yes, Grimm the gnome. Who else? Do you know someone else named Grimm that is not a gnome? Well do you?”

“Nope,” I answered, not at all sure about anything and slowly backing out of the forest.

“Did you or did you not wake up Grimm, Dillon?”

“I guess? I didn’t mean to wake anything? How are you talking to me? Possums can’t talk.”

“I’m not a possum, ya dummy! I’m a mongoose! Don’t you know the difference? I thought you grew up here! Ya can’t tell the difference between a dopey possum and a mongoose? I’m disappointed in you Dillon. I really am. Disappointed indeed. BUT I do see why Grimm let me through.”

It was looking over my left shoulder and making a nasty growling gurgle sound. It squinted its little eyes and made a high pitched chittering noise and a gutteral gargle while crouching and slowly moving its tail back and forth, bearing those sharp teeth and eyeing whatever it was behind me. I slowly looked over my left shoulder and as I turned my head, I felt something smooth and cool caressing my neck, then my cheek.  I tried to look at it out the corner of my eye and it flicked a tongue right in my eye. 

“Where is this place?” the cobra hissed in my ear, flicking it just enough to make me wince.

Before I could answer, and despite the fact that a cobra whispered in my ear, I grabbed it from the head and pulled it off of me, but its tail grabbed me 

around the neck and boomeranged that cobra. I was face to face with a Cobra with its hood fully displayed.  It just hovered there in front of  my face like a genie who was just released from a bottle.

“Hans sent me. I assume to protect you from the crazy mongoose!”

I had lost sight of the mongoose but I heard him coming up behind me. 

The Cobra drew back to strike and the mongoose jumped in front of me and took those fangs right in the shoulder. Besides the venom, the hit knocked the mongoose backwards. Then the mongoose laid still and silent while the cobra slithered around him. When he was satisfied that the mongoose was dead, he looked back at me with a smile. I have no idea why I didn’t run. It was like a dream where you try to run and you just can’t move. I felt paralyzed. He was raring back to strike again when I heard the mongoose, screeching and growling.  

“You’re venom is no match for a mongoose! We are immune!” it said, laughing and running around in a circle so the cobra lost focus.

“Wanna try again? See if it works this time?” the cobra said.

“Come on slimeball! Give it your best shot!”

The cobra struck but this time the mongoose jumped to the side and the cobra struck the log behind him.

“How about your little friend here?” the cobra turned toward me. “Is he immune too?”

If I could have moved, I would have, but I was frozen as the cobra pulled back to strike at me. I covered my face with my arms and closed my eyes, ready to take the impact, but it didn’t come. Instead I heard a frenzy of hissing and screaming and grinding. The mongoose intercepted the snake as he struck at me and had him in his razor sharp teeth, right under that hood.

The mongoose giggled and said, “Got yer back young man!” 

The cobra put up quite a fight, swinging itself back and forth, but still solid in the jaws of that mongoose. Looked like the mongoose dragged him toward the lake. Then I couldn’t see them anymore.

I slowly reanimated myself and tried to get back through the woods to the farm, but the once familiar woods was a jumble of vines and roots, slithers and hisses and gurgles. When I got back to the garden, Hans and Grimm were standing at the edge, with a hole between them.

“Alright, how did you guys get over here?” I asked. “I mean, you are still made of terra cotta.”

“For us to know,” Grimm said.

“How come I can hear you when I can clearly see you are not talking?”

“We speak to you inside your head, Dillon,” Hans said.

“You’re mom said you might need some help,” Harry said.

“Did you let a cobra get in this forest? How did you do it?”

Grimm said, “I let in the mongoose to get rid of the cobra.”

Hans said, “I let in the cobra to get rid of the mongoose.”

“Mongoose? That was a possum. No? What?”

“Mongoose.”

“You let them in Dillon. You let them in when you woke us up,” Harry said.

“What the heck is going on here?” I asked all of them collectively.

“When you wake us up,” Harry answered, “you open the earth and all its portals. As your mom told you, we move freely underground. We can come out at night and work in the garden, but when we come up into the sunlight, we turn to stone, or in this case, terra cotta,” Harry explained.

“Portals? Really?”

“Dillon, you know we weren’t here when you put up the trellises,” Hans said.

“You called us to help you in the garden, no doubt,” Grimm added.

“I could use some help but…”

“We worked in harmony with your mom for years,” Hans said.

“She let us take all we could eat and carry if we worked in this garden at night,” Harry said.

“She was the only human we have ever encountered that didn’t have an eye to make us slaves and abuse us,” Grimm added. 

“I would never enslave you! Oh gosh! You can have the same deal as my mom gave you if you help me.”

“The animals you encountered in the forest were there to teach you. You are a gatekeeper,” Harry explained.

“A gatekeeper?”

“You can shift forms. Your mom taught you but you still don’t get it,” Grimm looked like he was scowling even though he was a statue.

“You can help the cobra and the mongoose get back to their home in Viet Nam. You just open up a portal and show them the passage,” Hans said.

“We can give you access to travel freely under the earth. If you accept that gift, you will be responsible for keeping order. You will return species that are lost in time or space by opening corridors where they cannot themselves,” Harry added.

“But, if we give you access to the underground, we want your assurances that we can roam the upperground freely too,” Grimm said.

“How would I give you that access?”

“It’s a trade, silly. When you go down, we stay up. All you have to do is agree.”

I didn’t see the harm in it. I liked the idea of travelling freely underground. I admit, it was curiosity as much as anything. I had no idea what accepting the gift as underground gatekeeper really meant but it seemed like an honorable gift.

“Deal!” I said.

“Ok, come here and see what I am about to show you,” Hans said.

He pointed to a hole in the ground that I hadn’t seen before.

“This is your access point. Now, go slowly and try to keep your wits about you so you don’t get lost down there,” Hans continued.

“And don’t get any ideas about taking back our upperground rights and making us slaves again. I don’t trust you humans much you know. Your ma was different. We knew her. I don’t know you,” Grimm said.

“I won’t take back your rights.”

I stepped into the hole and fell down and down and down. I was suddenly struck with the idea that those garden gnomes just killed me. But, as I prepared to hit the ground hard, I stopped. An earthen corridor had formed and I was sort of hovering in the middle of it. I saw all around me were doors or different kinds. The first two doors I tried were locked but the third one opened, so I went through. Inside were the mongoose and the cobra. I opened another door and stood back and let them through. Then I closed that door to make sure nothing came back through to this side, just like the gnomes said. 

I looked all around and tried more doors. Then I realized, it wasn’t necessary to open doors. I could just create passages through the earth any direction I wanted. I followed one path under the lake and another path to somewhere with snow and a third path to a jungle somewhere else. I had to get back home so I could ask the gnomes how to know where things were supposed to go so I backtracked as best I could. 

I got as far as the room that I released the mongoose and cobra, hopefully, back to where they came from but the door to that main corridor had disappeared. I put out my hand and tried to create a new door but that door led to other doors and not to the place I came down.

I called out to the gnomes. We communicated telepathically, or whatever, so it was worth a try.

Faintly I heard, “You can’t come to the surface! We are here! You made the deal!”

I didn’t understand at first. I mean, could they be fooling me? Betraying me? Was I trapped under here forever?

I saw a beam of light and went to it. It seemed to be a tunnel to the surface. Maybe the one I dropped through or maybe a different one. I couldn’t be sure.

I stood in the middle of the beam and jumped as high as I could. A suction seemed to pull me to the top. I popped up out of the ground and saw Harry, who looked completely horrified.

“What’s the deal Harry? How come you tried to stop me from coming up?

“You have to stay under until night. Like we did. We switched. You came up during the day. Not good Dillon. Not good at all. I thought you understood.”

“I’m done with this crap for the day. The rules and the weird stuff.”

I tried to stomp off to the house but I couldn’t move. I looked down to see if I was stuck or something but I couldn’t move my head.

“Dillon, you have to follow the rules. You switched. You roam underground freely and can come uptop at night, but not during the day,” Hans said.

“Why can’t I move?”

“Because you are terra cotta Dillon. You came up in the sunlight and now you are terra cotta. Sorry.”

They all giggled and tended to my beans.