Where the Beach Is

I hadn’t really noticed the back of my closet in the kitchen, until I was stuck at home for a few weeks. Week one was a nice break, week two was a little boring and included many Vodka Collins and morning mimosas. It was right around day 3 of the third week when the vodka ran out; no drinking, so I guess it’s time to clean house. I had lived in the tiny bungalow for about three years now and hadn’t really deep cleaned since I moved in. What can I say? I’m a ‘comfortably lived in’ kind of girl. On this third day of the third week I decided to dig into one of the kitchen cupboards and started with the ‘extras’ closet. It held brooms, mops, an ironing board and all the stuff a real adult uses in life. On this day I had pulled everything out into the middle of the floor and set about sweeping and washing and noticed my mop getting hung up in the back corner of the closet several times. On hands and knees donning a head lamp I crawled in to see if I could hammer the nail that was obviously catching my mop back in. There didn’t seem to be a nail, I couldn’t see anything that could grab the fibres until I ran my palm along the floor. There! A little piece of wood stood up against the wall, wedged between the baseboard and dry wall. I picked and poked at it trying to dislodge it only succeeding in chipping my already short fingernails. Admitting defeat I stood up and used the edge of my foot to give that lil piece of wood a parting kick. A shrill whistle cut through the confines of the closet making my eyes water, my ears pulse and sending a wave of vertigo washing over me. As I placed a hand on the wall to steady myself I went diving forward into blackness.

The next time my eyes opened I was greeted by an immense white beach, stretching as far as I could see in either direction buffered by blue-green water and a hot yellow sun shining down. As I got my feet under me I reached out to grab the wall that was sure to be there but my hand instead found rough wood. My closet was gone, my kitchen was gone. In its place was a dark blue Adirondack chair and matching wooden table. In disbelief I slowly turned around taking in the scenery, mouth ajar, eyes rounded and breath shallow. Sea, sky and a beach? As I scrutinized the chair and table I realized there was a rolled up piece of paper tied with a purple ribbon sitting in the centre. Slowly sitting in the chair I picked up the roll and removed the ribbon. Inside was a note;

Dear Friend,

I don’t know who you are or where you’re from but if you’ve found this paradise you need it. This portal will now be open to you for as long as you require it, let’s face it..everyone needs a space to regain our sanity and peace of mind these days. When you are ready to move on somehow this magical portal will sense it and will close for you as you prepare to leave this home.

You might not have noticed, but if you look now, you will see a cool glass of your favourite drink on the table beside you. It doesn’t matter where it comes from but it will always replenish somehow for a long as you want.

In closing let me wish you health and happiness. I found this oasis after living in the house for five years and can credit my personal happiness and success to its existence.

Dotty LaScalla

April 7 2015

PS; In order to get back to your home just stand up and close your eyes while touching the back of the chair.

Looking to my right there was indeed a beautiful mimosa waiting for me on the table. In taking the first taste of that drink I felt every trouble, worry and fear bleed out into the sandy earth beneath my feet.

I’m not sure how long I sat in that chair but I was two mimosas over my limit and could hear the gurgle of a hungry tummy. I wondered if food would appear on that little blue table? Looking at my empty glass I knew why Dotty hadn’t just lived here and disappeared from the world. Magic only goes so far and the reality of the physical world pushes back. I was surprised to find I hadn’t become wobbly after a few too many drinks as I stood to move around the chair. I found my legs supportive and steady as I touched the back of the chair, closed my eyes and prayed that whistling noise wouldn’t split my head open. I counted to 20 then peeled one eye lid open and was facing my kitchen again.

I had so many question. If Dotty left in 2015 how many other owners had come and gone in 5 years? The fact that the note was still sitting there suggested nobody else had found the portal. If they did was it a beach for everyone or did each person get something g different?

Dotty’s note didn’t tell me what her paradise looked like, maybe hers was a cabin by the lake or a high rise penthouse in New York?

I had to find out. The only problem was that the realtor who sold me the house couldn‘t divulge information on past owners and both homes on either side of mine had been empty for over a year now. What were my options? And where was I going to put all the stuff that used to be in that closet? One problem at a time. I grabbed my laptop from my office and booted up Google, typing in ‘portal+closet’ and made a sandwich as the browser worked to find a hit. I was definitely NOT looking for ‘adult’ websites and quickly closed off that avenue of information before I lost my appetite. My next search was for ‘magic doors‘ and that brought up a few sites for home building stores and a few on line dispensaries for marijuana. Nope, not what I needed. I sat chewing the last of my tuna on rye looking at the screen wondering what I should try next.

Just our of curiosity I typed ‘There is a magic Portal in my Closet’ and clicked search holding my breath terrified of what weird site would pop up now. I got four sites. Two for comic book sites, one for a movie where some friends get sucked back in time through a hot tub, and one for what seemed like a hokey spiritualist offering singing and crystal blessings. I might use that if have no other options. I called the comic book store that was first on the page and was dissatisfied with that. The second store patched me through to the guy who I was told ‘works in the back’. So I’m thinking I’m going to be talking to some dude a la Napoleon Dynamite but found he was more of a Kevin Smith type guy. Knowledgeable about his business and was passionate about comics. But when I got around to the reason for my phone call the line went silent.

‘Hello?’ I asked ‘are you still there?’

A few more moments if buzzing silence and the guy, Ronnie, answers back.

’Yeah, yeah I’m still here.’

I could hear an audible licking of his lips before he asked me to repeat my question.

So I restated that I had run a google search for ‘There is a Magic Portal In my closet’ and his store popped up in the results and if he could tell me why?

Ronnie cleared his throat and informed me that another woman had called about 7 years ago with the same kind of questions. He felt I was messing with him by repeating the same one years later.

‘Hey, look,’ he started. ‘you don’t by any chance live on Lanark Road do you? Number 134?’

I normally wouldn’t answer that but I was intrigued that he knew my street address and told him so.

‘Im not supposed to do this but, can I come by around 6:30 tonight? I swear I’m not a creep or a murderer or anything like that but I can’t believe another person is calling about this’

Big red flags went waving off in my head but I had to take the chance, I needed answers. I had taken a few defence classes and felt I could handle it agreed and hung up.

I waited in the kitchen for the hour and a half before my visitor arrived just staring at the closet. Close to 6:30 I went to the front door to peek at Ronnie and his vehicle before I opened the door and was horrified with my reflection in the window. Ash blonde curls sticking out from my hair clip and bloodshot green eyes; breath check conforming a tuna sandwich had been eaten in the last few hours. I rummaged through my purse hanging at the door for a mint and came up with an old container of Tic Tacs. Good enough and just in time to see a classic Chevy Impala stop in front of my place and watch a 6 foot tall linebacker with a thick auburn ponytail climb out.

So much for those self defence classes helping me out here. As Ronnie got closer to the house I was able to take in the full measure of the man, aside from his size his look screamed ‘Comic book stud’. He wore a blue Superman tee-shirt under a leather riding jacket, jeans and flip flops. Not to mention his tortoise shell rimmed glasses and a trim red goatee with flecks of grey showing.

I didn’t wait for him to ring the bell and opened the door as soon as raised a hand to do so. He pulled a can of bear spray; still in its package, out of his other pocket and proffered it to me.

’Just wanted to bring you something to help you feel safe’ he mumbled as I took the package.

’I know I don’t look like a comic book guy from a distance.’

I could only nod and step aside for him to enter.

He seemed to know exactly where he was going as he navigated my home with me trailing behind him.

‘Yeah,’ he started,’ about 7 years or so ago this lady calls saying the same thing you did, she asked me to come by and examine her home’ By this time we had moved into the kitchen and he took in the haphazard state of the space. He pointer at the closet and turned 3/4 to look at me.

‘I can see the scepticism in your face already. I’m not just a comic book enthusiast and store owner but I’m also into researching the unexplained, y’know..anything weird or off the beaten path.’

I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to say something, anything really but...nothing except guppy mouth happened.

‘Would you feel safer opening that package Now?’ Ronnie asked with a twist of his mouth.

It was enough to jolt me back into conversation ’Uh, no. No this is fine’ I laid the bear spray on the counter and moved toward the closet explaining what’s happened.

Ronnie nodded in all the right places and expresses interest with appropriate sounds. By the tine I finished he was rubbing his goatee looking into the closet.

‘That is the exact same thing the other lady said’”’

’Dotty’ I corrected him.

‘Right,’ he turned to me. ‘How did you know that?’

‘Werent you listening? I said there was a note from her.’ I mouthed .

I was starting To feel as though this guy was here to gaslight me, maybe He got a kick out of making women feel as though they are crazy?

‘Listen, Ronnie, I don’t know if you are just here for a laugh but If that is the case don’t hesitate to leave. You apparently know where the door is’

I chided him.

He put his hands up in surrender and took a step back.

’No, no that is definitely not what is going on here at all. Dotty went through everything you just talked about with me standing here and nothing happened when she tried to show me, can you try the same?’ He asked as he stepped aside for me to walk into the closet.

I stared at him for a few seconds and thought ‘What the hell, if it doesn’t work you will be just another crazy chick to him then he can leave. I don’t plan to see him again’

I slowly walked into the closet and kicked the little piece of wood as I had earlier. The whistling began again but seemed muffled as though the two of us in the Small space dampened it. Ronnie grabbed my hand and reached out to the wall with the other and we both slid through the wall. I didn’t black out this time but Ronnie did.

‘Pffff..newbie’ I thought with a smile

A few moments later he groaned and rose to his knees shaking his head and looked around.

I feel horrible for laughing but his reaction was, well, comical. Pun intended. He jumped to his feet and spun 180 degrees one way then 180 the other. He Put his hands on his head then took off his glasses rubbed them

in his shirt and put them back on.

He turned to me and his grin stretched from ear lobe to ear lobe and he let out a shout of laughter.

I couldn’t help but smile, his exuberance was charming and infectious.

I turned to look at the chair and saw there was now two Adirondack chairs.

Ronnie followed my gaze and looked at me, a question in his eyes.

I gave him a slight shrug and sat down reaching for the glass I knew was there. Ronnie followed suit and was astonished to find a cold glass of beer in his hand.

‘Stella Artois’ he intoned as he took a hearty swallow.

I had no idea why the portal opened for us both. It must know something, it produced a second chair and Ronni‘s favourite beer. It didn’t work for Dotty when she tried to show him.

I‘d like to say we had a moment, looking across the little table at each other with love in our eyes but no. Instead we recognized the weird in each other, the similarity of humour and found a spark of friendship. Maybe more? I wasn’t looking for more, at least I didn’t think I was. Either way, this magic portal brought me a quiet safe place and a friend to share it with.