Helpless, Magic-less & Forgotten

Hello Journal,

It is currently 3 in the morning over California and I should be diligently at work as opposed to writing this entry. I should be feeling how heavy my wings are; my arms should be sore and tired, and I should be happier than ever. But instead, I am feverishly throwing words at this blank book, while I exhale loudly through my nose about the stupidity of it all.

Other people would relish in the idea of having a day off, but not me. No way; this is a sign of the end. This is the end of the line.

I’ve seen this before. Do you remember the elves that used to make shoes for that old couple? They were a wild bunch of boys. I’m pretty sure they were using mushrooms every hour they weren’t working. That’s not the point. The point is that they had to travel from cobbler to cobbler once a little shop turned into a huge industrial building. I have no idea what happened to all of them but the last time I saw Todd, he was naked and begging outside of Wanda’s Wands. No more merriment or mischief in his eyes.

That could be me! I have done nothing else in my life but this. I am not qualified to do anything else. And since I don’t get retirement or even a salary, the only thing keeping me off the streets is my job.

But these are odd times. Millennial parents have taken to not teaching their kids about magic. They say THEY are the Easter Bunny (poor Henry), and Santa Claus (serves him right), and me, The Tooth Fairy! Seriously?! What have I ever done to them? I have been dealing with disbelief since I started this job, but the numbers have been increasing steadily. And there has never (NEVER) been a day, until today, where no one, not one child, was waiting for me to visit. My life is ruined.

Sorry, you can’t see me, but I needed to walk away for a bit and stretch my wings; I noticed I had been hunched up for a little while. Let me take a moment and fill you in on some other pieces. I’ve recently taken up Step, you know, that workout where you step up and step down. Also, since I already wear tights and a bodysuit for work, it seemed only natural that I acquire some leg warmers. Those were exceptionally difficult to find. I ended up in the sketchy part of Orwell at this little custom tailor shop. I gave them my measurements and make sure they used the same shade of glitter as my wings. I wasn’t going for blinding, but I wanted to make sure it was more than Tinkerbell usually gets. I should actually give her a call. I heard she’s been hitting the bottle again.   

Maybe I’ll just join her at Gulliver’s. I’ll have plenty of free nights. I hope I don’t go on wings and things night. Humans complain about stilettos to the bare foot, but that’s nothing compared to wing feather in the eye. Or nose, or mouth. I’m so grateful for my thin, bug-like wings. They might look delicate and dainty but it’s so much better than having to clean up feathers constantly.

Now that I am feeling a little bit more rational and less angry and still nowhere near sleepy, let’s look at my options:

1. Do nothing. – Worst option
2. Speak with Sandman to plant some Tooth Fairy dreams (Seems risky. Planting my image into the minds of adults could go a direction I am quite uncomfortable) – Better option than #1.
3. Petition to the Board of Magic; Tell them I might no longer be of service and file for unemployment. Then I get stuck doing any job they deem fit. What if I become an elf on the shelf? – Worse plan than #1.  

Pardon me while I step on a soap box. It’s incredible stupid that if I tell the Board of Magic, I think I am become irrelevant, I get reassigned, but if I become irrelevant, I become homeless and hungry. It’s honestly a disgrace to the magic community and someone should do something about it.

Did you see a light bulb turn on over my head? I know my best option! Next assignment (because there must be at least one more), I am going to appear in front of the child, they will take my picture, and I will go viral! I’m sure you assume this is against the rules, but actually, the state of the magical government is even slower than the American government.

Technically, I am not allowed to show myself to a person. However, nothing states that I cannot appear in front of a camera. And since most people sleep with their smartphones within arm’s reach, I just need to create a reason for them to grab it…

First, I need to wake them up. Oh, I can feel this plan coming together. I will take some glitter, only a little bit, and blow it up their nose. Moving quickly out of the way as they sneeze, I will then leave their name written in glitter in the air. They will be so bemused that they will grab their phones and take a picture, and when they do, I will show up on the picture.

Maybe, once I am “discovered” I will get a book deal to write my autobiography. I will spread a message about the helpless, magic-less characters who have been forgotten.

The Board of Magic will be thrilled by the philanthropy work and maybe they will allow me to continue it and even break some rules to appear on morning shows. Or maybe Ellen!? Wow, I’d love to be on Ellen. Now, I will certainly not sleep waiting for my next assignment. It’s rare they come in at this hour; it’s too early in the East and not late enough in the West. I spoke too soon. Ringing. Gotta go!

Love!

Tee-Tee