Lia da Silva, dread pirate and captain of the ship Calypso’s Revenge, was in a bad mood. She was the scourge of the Seven Seas, feared by all on the grounds of being a merciless cutthroat, as clever as she was brave, and mistress of evading capture even in the tightest spots, and yet she simply could not shake the feeling that the whole world was laughing at her and her utter failure to complete her most recent quest. She toyed absently with one of the daggers that pinned a scroll to her captain's table and could almost hear her governess' disparaging tones in her ears. Emilia remove those steak knives at once! What on earth do you think you are doing with dangerous weapons in the classroom?! Give them to me this instant!
She sighed and rolled her eyes, but pulled the daggers free and watched the scroll spring back into shape.
It had consumed her attention for some time; it was old and ragged, had suspicious stains on it that she supposed were the blood of a previous owner who had died in a vain attempt to protect it, it was covered with the illegible spidery scribblings of the semi-literate sailors who had tried to unravel its mysteries before her, it was, in short, the real deal but she, Captain Lia, could not make head nor tail of it. It had been weeks, and she had pored over it day and night, turned it this way and that, held it up to a full moon, examined every inch with her eyeglass, even held it over a candle flame in the hopes that a hidden message might appear but nothing had worked except that she had singed a corner, and now she was angry. The scroll held all the answers she needed. It was a map to the Arcanum, a treasure so ancient that its origins were lost in the mists of time and she desperately needed to get her hands on it.
Captain Lia raised her head. She sensed a shift in the atmosphere, a tightening of the sky. A storm was coming, she could feel it in the very marrow of her pirate bones. She could just imagine her governess telling her to pay attention or so help me your father will hear about this young lady.
She tucked the scroll inside her captain’s jacket and, bracing herself against the rock and sway of the ship, made her way into the passageway outside. She could hear the sounds of the gulls’ mocking cries in the wind. Batten down the hatches, she thought to herself; looks like we’re in for the long haul on this one.
-
The storm turned out to be more of a passing squall and after the howling of the wind had subsided and the ship had stopped rolling and bucking on the swell, Captain Lia climbed to the crow's nest and sat gazing out across a now becalmed sea. She twisted the ring on her finger absently and wondered why it hadn’t retained its powers of invisibility. It was still one of the most priceless treasures that she owned, and she and First Mate Lily had come upon it entirely by accident hidden in a sea shell when they happened to be taking a stroll on the beach of a desert island where they had landed once.
First Mate Lily. Captain Lia sighed and took out the scroll once more. Not so long ago they had been Lia and Lily, Captain and First Mate of the Calypso’s Revenge, with more crew members than they could tell to scrub the decks or climb the rigging and now...here she was, alone in the crow’s nest with an indecipherable map, no crew, and worst of all, a kidnapped first mate.
-
It had been a calm night, they had enjoyed a profitable day of pillaging and had retired to their separate quarters. Lia had fallen asleep almost instantly and slept soundly until the morning when she had been awoken by a sad-eyed crew member who told her that Lily had been spirited away in the dead of night. From bits and pieces of stories that she could gather, it had been some sort of sea demon whose eyes had flashed blue and whose unearthly wails had torn through the night sky. She had heard nothing. Over the following days, she had gleaned further information; the sea demon had taken First Mate Lily to its lair and was holding her captive there, where she was still fighting bravely but was very weak, her life hanging in the balance. And then Lia knew what she had to do. She dug out the scroll from an old sea chest. It had been something that she and the first mate had discussed pursuing a few times but always settled on other adventures due to the difficult nature of solving the mysteries of the scroll and the fact that although the Arcanum was the most powerful known restorative in the history of mankind, neither of them had any wounds that needed healing, nor diseases that needed curing. Now she wished that they had done it together whilst there had still been time. Nevertheless, buoyed by the knowledge that she had the key to saving her first mate, she had taken the scroll to the rest of the crew and announced that they would be embarking on a new adventure which would culminate in the brave and daring rescue of First Mate Lily from the lair of the sea demon. The crew had been enthusiastic, although some of them had exchanged strange looks, and they had set about deciphering the map. When it seemed that the adventure was more of a quest there were grumblings, and as the days turned into weeks and the crew’s pleas for a different adventure went unheard, they began to drift away from the Calypso’s Revenge and her captain who barely even seemed to notice them any more. Isolated on her ship with only the ship’s boy and the ship’s cat for company, Captain Lia withdrew into herself and redoubled her efforts to discover the Arcanum.
-
“Lia? I mean...Captain da Silva? Permission to come aboard? Darling, I know it’s been difficult for you not being able to see Lily, but you understand why don’t you? Yes, well she’s doing a little better and we can go and visit her this afternoon if you’d like to. Sweetheart, it might be hard, she’s very weak but I think it might help you to understand what’s happening. Your teacher agrees with me. Go and get ready, we’ll leave in a minute.”
Finally some small measure of success! She would visit the lair of the sea demon and rescue her first mate. Once she had Lily back on the safety of Calypso’s Revenge, she could find the Arcanum and heal her. She would set sail immediately.
-
Captain Lia, having safely anchored Calypso’s Revenge now stood looking up at the vast cliff face before her. She could hear the distant shrieks of the sea demon and she drew her cutlass in readiness.
“Lia, no. You’re not taking that in there, leave it in the car please.”
No weapons then. Captain Lia squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and started for the mouth of the cave at the base of the cliff. As she entered she was struck by a strange smell, unnatural and unpleasant and a shiver ran down her spine. Setting off, she found that the cave led into a labyrinth of passageways and tunnels and she began to wonder if she would ever be able to find her way out again once she had rescued Lily. Fearless, merciless cutthroat pirate, she thought to herself and tried to remember the turns she was taking.
“Sweetheart this is it, we’re nearly there. Remember, she’s very sick and you need to be quiet for her, ok? Be brave Lia, she’s going to look a little different from when you last saw her.”
Eventually, she came out into another cave, small and dark, and laying there in the gloom was First Mate Lily. She seemed to be tied down. Dark circles stood out like bruises around her eyes, her hair had been shorn close to her head so that her scalp shone dimly in the phosphorescence and her breathing was ragged and shallow. Of the terrible sea demon, there was no sign. Captain Lia twisted the ring on her finger and suddenly wished for invisibility or it just to whisk her away back to the safety of Calypso’s Revenge. All at once, her bravery fled from her body and she slid to the floor of the hospital corridor. Somewhere beyond her, she heard the strange beeps from the machines that moored her sister to life and wished with all her heart that the Arcanum might somehow turn out to be real so that she could make Lily better and they could once again sail the high seas together.
A pair of strong arms picked her up, and dread pirate Captain Lia sobbed helplessly into her father’s chest.
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8 comments
Hiya, here as requested! You’ve asked for constructive criticism and I’ll give that in a moment (I’ll try to be as clear and as helpful as possible) but first, I just want to say that I really love this idea. The use of a over-the-top fantasy to mask a terrible reality that gradually crumbles and reveals a real life dilemma is a very cool take on the prompt. Okay - criticism time! As always when I do things like this, just want to remind you that this is all my opinion and ultimately this is your story. You’re allowed to disagree and ign...
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Thank you so much! I've made a few changes...I think I've re-read it so many times that I'm not sure they make sense but hopefully, it's better. I know I have a comma problem and I have now got Grammarly! Thank you so much for the help, I was really disappointed that I'd had this idea and it just wouldn't quite come out how I wanted.
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You’re more than welcome. I’m glad I could be helpful. I know exactly how it feels when that glorious idea you have doesn’t quite work on paper - I’ve got a dozen half stories that are collecting dust because they just haven’t worked - but I really don’t feel that you should be disappointed with this one. I really like the concept and you sweep along the reader really well. I’ve read the changes and although I still think you could push it further with keeping the fantasy going (the dad coming in could be a siren who decides to lead Lia ...
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Well I appreciate the help, and if I can ever return the favour - with a collecting dust story or otherwise - I'd be more than happy. Big fan of your writing!
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Hi there, Thank you for sharing this story. The response to the prompt is there, but the story lacks real luster. Specifically, your word choices aren't always the best, and the use of a good Style Guide to help you with writing conventions would be a good choice. I always recommend Elements of Style 2017. Additionally, I blog three times a week on writing the short story - www.mustangpatty1029.com KEEP WRITING!! ~MP~
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Thanks for the comment, could you elaborate at all on why my word choices aren't the best? Any words in particular that you would change, or is it the general style of my writing that you don't like? Specifics would be helpful to me.
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Here's part of a line by line: the word clever is often overused - try a synonym Overly long sentence: She was the scourge of the Seven Seas, feared by all on the grounds of being a merciless cutthroat, as clever as she was brave, and mistress of evading capture even in the tightest spots, and yet she simply could not shake the feeling that the whole world was laughing at her and her utter failure to complete her most recent quest. Wrong noun form: governess’ = governess's Another overly long sentence: It had consumed her attention fo...
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Thanks for taking the time to find specifics. I try to vary my sentence length throughout my writing so that it alters the pace of the reading rather than making the reader skim it because all of the sentences are short. I do know that - as Laura pointed out below - I have an issue with overusing commas, and have started using grammarly to help with that. Whilst I don't want to get nitpicky, my use of an apostrophe with governess' is, in fact, correct. Either form is acceptable so long as you stick with one or the other throughout, which I b...
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