We lost before we began

A/N: This story is extremly triggering to some people includes, death violence, weapons, and more. If anyone is confused to clarify on pronouns, Orion is non-binary, as is Alex. It gets a little dark, I am okay, but I just need an outlet for my deepest fears and anxieties.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

“It doesn’t count if you’re already planning your defeat, “her voice echoes in my head.

“It doesn’t count, “I spat out with rage, “their life doesn’t count,” I yell as I gesture to their body.

She states at me blankly.

“This isn’t some game, there’s no defeat to have! We lost the moment we were reaped! That was mainly your fault. I KILLED THEM!”

“I know that, but since we lost, they lost, so it doesn’t matter.” Emelia sighs.

The blood thumping in my ears is a sharp contrast to the lack of thumping in theirs. I stare at the body on the ground in horror. It was not supposed be like this. We were supposed to get out together. Their short black hair covers their dead eyes. Their pink lips open as if about to whisper it's my fault.

My knees wobble as I feel cold hands grab my forearm. Her fingernails dig into my arm as she drags me across the shallow stream now red with the blood of far too many people. A million emotions course through me and yet I feel nothing but horror. I turn and look into the blue eyes of my younger sister before she drags us into our shack.

We found this abandoned shack after we were reaped. I did not even want to be here, but I always told myself I would stay alive during the apocalypse for her. Little did I know that this is so much worse than the apocalypse. The games were designed in fact to prevent the apocalypse. With the population growing bigger and bigger suddenly the government decided to grow a conscious. The thought that gradual starvation, cannibalism, murder, and more would be to unethical and in order to “prevent mass suffering” they created the reaping. The reaping is where they take the oldest and youngest of the population, basically who ever can’t work, and they fight for survival in a primal style arena. Ethical my ass. The don’t spare resources for those intended to die so often things get more violent than they should. People don’t have to kill, they just can’t use resources, but many do anyways.

So me and my sister have been reaped. I tried to talk and form alliances with the other children since I’ve always preferred them to adults, but that didn’t last long and now all I trust is my sister. I used to trust Alex. In fact, I thought I loved them. Well I did. We’ve been in here for a few months and I had gotten to know them well. Unfortunately, people tend to go mad in here, and my sister matters more. I did what I needed to, but she didn't.

Turning away from my thoughts I looked at my sister. She’s only 10 and to pure, or at least she was now she is covered in grime and splattered with blood. My whole body shakes as my brain replays the last glimmer of life dies from their life.

“Hey Orion,” my sister’s angelic voice calls. I stare into her blue eyes and look at her golden hair yellow with dirt.

“Yes,” I reply with my voice shaking and dry.

“I know your not okay, so I won’t ask but we need to move if we are to get water for today,” she sighs. She’s not the best at bedside manner but she used to be very sensitive. Not so much anymore.

“Yeah.” I stand up from out little fire and ready my weapons. I wouldn’t call my weapons, but some people have been in here for years, so occasionally you can get your hands on a few things. All I have is a shank, some throwing knives, Alex’s axe, and Emelia’s bat and makeshift sword. We’re very lucky that before this I was obsessed with weapons and plants. Despite my conscious, little regard for my life, no medical skills, and small build we’re still alive. I prepared myself for this my whole life, and yet nothing could prepare me for seeing Alex’s brown eyes glaze over.

Emelia’s gotten too desensitized as we walk to the spring silently, I worry about what happened with Alex. She was the first to stab. I used to worry one day I’d snap, now I worry she will, or maybe she already has. If she’s going to become a monster maybe she isn’t worth saving, or if there is any of her left to save.

Suddenly a twig snapped behind us. We both whip our weapons out ready. Suddenly a man about 20 years old comes toward us snarling. I pity him, for this happens to too many. His mouth is foaming as he snarls. Then I see it and my stomach drops.

He raises a gun and points it straight at Emelia. The irony of this is almost comically. I immediately jump in between them.

Everything is silent as my warm blood soaks through my shirt. I fall to the ground as the man does as well, from what I assume is Emelia.

The last thing I hear is, “You see, it doesn’t matter,” laughed maniacally by my sister standing over me.

Everything goes as empty as it began, for nothingness is what I deserve. I had hopes to get out, but there was no out. By hoping that I created my own suffering, and now I get what I fear most, nothing. I've concocted all these ideas to avoid this obvious truth, so now I have manifested myself nothingness, for it's what I deserve.

Emelia is different she excepts nothing so does not suffer. Maybe that is why she feels little remorse. It doesn't matter for she will get what she ignores, something.

In the end regardless of our own demise we get death ultimately, for we all run from it when it wants us.

-Callie Townsend