Dear Diary

May 15^th

Thursday

9:37 PM

Dear Diary,

Today was an awful day. It couldn’t have gone worse. I told Uriah that this marriage wasn’t working out. He tried to convince me otherwise but ended up being more pro-divorce than me. He pointed out everything about me that bothered him, from my long working hours to my ‘obsessive need to clean’ to the fact that I still write in a diary like ‘a little angsty teenager’ when he was apparently ‘right here’ for me to talk to.

I’ve never met anyone more annoyingly logical than Uriah. He always comes up with the most outrageous thoughts, with the worst justification. It’s a good thing we’re done for good.

I hate him. Wish I’d never married him. Every single person who ever knew me warned me that I was going too fast with this random guy. But stupid naïve me would never listen to any crap from anyone. I thought I had everything figured out. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I’m done with this love thing. I’m leaving the house tomorrow.

Adelaide

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May 16^th

Friday

10:18 PM

Dear Diary,

He slept on the couch last night. Understandable, but it still stings.

Now I feel like crossing out all the stuff I wrote yesterday.

Now I feel like telling him that we should give us a chance.

But no. No way am I going to trust my heart on this one.

My heart failed me a long time ago.

It told me that Uriah was ‘the one’. That I would never find anyone more perfect that excuse for a man.

I packed up today and just left. I’m in my parents’ house right now, sitting in my old room, a bit dusty, but more homely than the bedroom I shared with Uriah ever was. Definitely.

My mom just came in and asked me to go to sleep, saying that I’ve had a 'long day’. She isn’t wrong.

Adelaide

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May 18^th

Sunday

9:23 PM

Dear Diary,

You won’t believe what he did.

On Saturday, he posted on Instagram with some random girl, saying ‘my love I’m so glad I found you’ or some crap like that.

He moved on so quickly.

Not even a day had passed that he found someone else.

And get this, this ‘love’ of his was his ex! Can you believe him?! He breaks off a marriage of three years and gets back together with his ex. Wow. Too far.

I need to find me someone. Admittedly just to shove it up his stupid butt.

I know I said I’m done with love, but my mind was muddled up then. I’m thinking clearly now.

Operation: find this girl a guy, quick.

Adelaide

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May 19^th

Monday

11:50 PM

Dear Diary,

You’ll never guess who I ran into! Gabriel Morris! You remember him? I have pages and pages about his eyes and his smile and his nose ring, I’m sure you remember. We used to go to high school together, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t lowkey obsessed with him at the time. But today when we met at the mall, it wasn’t awkward at all. I even managed to spill the fact that I used to have a crush on him.

He took it well though, laughed heartily for half a minute, and just moved on. It didn’t even dampen the rest of the conversation one bit. We’re meeting up for dinner tomorrow night because he has a late-night conference at work. I’m looking forward to it. Maybe I should ring up a few of my other classmates soon. We could have one of those reunions. It will definitely be fun.

Adelaide

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May 21^st

Wednesday

10:50 PM

Dear Diary,

I know I didn’t write yesterday, I’m sorry, even though you’re non-living.

I stayed over at Gabriel’s place last night. Yes, we did it.

It was wonderful. For the first time since my separation with Uriah, I didn’t think about him at all. We talked for hours on end, during and after dinner. Then one thing led to another, and what do you know, I end up waking up next to him in the morning.

I didn’t regret it, not one bit. I rather enjoyed it, actually.

He was nothing like Uriah. While Uriah was always demanding and stubborn, Gabriel was kind and gentle with me. I felt something that I literally can’t explain.

I’m not wrong about this guy.

Adelaide

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May 22^nd

Thursday

9:46 PM

Dear Diary,

Uriah called me today. He said that he broke off the relationship with his ex because it meant nothing to him.

He had just gotten back together with her to spite me, just as I had thought. Well, I had to do it. So I told him about me and Gabriel, and how I’ve been happier than ever with him.

He called me out, told me I was doing it just to shove it in his face.

Yes, admittedly I had decided to find someone just to spite him back. But I ended up meeting Gabriel and it became so much more than that. It became a real relationship. More real than the relationship I’d had with Uriah.

I told him as much, and then he laughed, saying that I had said the same thing to my family when I’d met him, that it was more real than any other relationship.

That’s it with his phone call. I don’t want to depress myself or you further.

Me and Gabriel hung out again today. It was wonderful. I felt young again, like Uriah had drained all the youth out of me, and Gabriel had refilled it.

This guy is the one.

For real.

Adelaide

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May 23^rd

Friday

10:21 PM

Dear Diary,

I suggested having a high school reunion to Gabriel, and he is totally up for it! Yay! If I had even thought of bringing anything of the sort up with Uriah while we were still together, he would have blown his top off!

Gabriel makes me happy. He makes me feel all the feelings I’ve always wanted to feel. He doesn’t mind me writing in a diary, he’s almost as much of a cleaner as me, and my working hours are the same as his.

The need to write it all out is slowly decreasing. I feel like maybe I should stop soon.

Adelaide

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May 24^th

Saturday

9:21 PM

Dear Diary,

This might as well be my last diary entry. I don’t think I need you anymore.

Thank you for being my best friend for so long, almost ten years now, although I did replace you when the other journal ran out of pages.

I still consider my diary to be a single entity though.

Thank you for being there to listen to me, even though you didn’t have a choice.

Thank you for taking all the chaos in my head and making it coherent.

Thank you for sharing almost my entire life with me, and helping me make sense of it, however messy it was.

I may have grown up, but my entire youth was spent with you. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’m not throwing you away. Ever. I will read through the pages, laugh and cry with past me occasionally, maybe even write in you again if things don’t go as well as I hope. But in this phase of my life, I’ll be okay without you.

Signing off for possibly the last time,

Adelaide

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