To all the girls I loved before...

New year, new me. 

As the clock announced midnight, the new year began. I was never the type of person to have a new year resolution. It never made much sense to me. Your life goes on, everything stays the same, the only thing that really changes is a number: from 2020 to 2021. 

But this year is different. I wanted to get better.

I needed to change something. If not, they would catch me. 

As the coronavirus exploded, it covered me and my actions. Autopsies? No. If someone showed up dead, they died because of the virus- at least that’s what everyone was saying. The police didn't investigate much, so I was free. 

At the beginning of 2020, I was just an observer, a spectator. Just watching the chaos develop around me. I was at home. It felt like home. The humanity was ruining itself- people hating on each other, fighting, not following orders. “No masks, be free” sign everywhere. 

That is where I started searching. Trying to find my first victim. It took me months to find her. Once I did, I knew she was perfect.  

It was a perfect first time. I bet she would say the same thing, if only she was here with us. But she’s not. 

I was gentle with her. I didn’t want to hurt my little angel. Kitty. I loved Kitty. That’s why I set her free. 

I let her sleep in my bed for a few days, then I had to let her go... It was sad seeing her leave, but I understood it was her time. 

My hunger calmed down. I was satisfied. For now. 

A few weeks later I felt it again. 

I needed another angel. 

This time, the world was at its worst. 

Killing others because of their race or skin color? I hated the humanity. 

I would never do that. I'm not racist. I free everyone. I love everyone. 

This time, it was different. I don’t think she loved me as much as I loved her. Let's call her Bunny. 

See, Bunny thought I was going to hurt her. Never! I tried to explain to her that what I did was an act of love. I loved Bunny. But Bunny didn’t love me back. 

I let her sleep in my bed, as well. One night she tried to escape from our perfect little world. My heart couldn’t take it, the pain became physical, like she was crushing my heart with her bare hands. She didn’t make it outside my house.  

She broke my heart, so I broke hers, too. And then I let her go. She left me all alone. 

I was, once again, satisfied. 

The world was still exploding with chaos and hate. God was nowhere to be seen. It was the devil's time. It was my time. 

On one of the nights when I felt lonely, I invited a friend over. Lita. 

Lita was a smart girl, so when she found Bunny and Kitty in their room, in the basement, she tried to run and call the police. I couldn’t let her do that. 

“This isn't you. The real you is not a killer”, she was screaming as she tried to unblock her phone with her shaking hands. 

Her words were true. I wasn’t a killer. I was just in love. I loved them. Almost as much as I loved Lita. It was her time to go, now. 

Lita didn’t call the police. I did not let that happen. I took care of her, like I took care of Bunny and Kitty. She was now asleep, next to them. Our perfect family was growing. 

I spend hours just sitting looking at them. The chaos outside didn’t matter, because everything in my life was so calm. 

But one day everything changed... The neighbors came to me because of a strange smell that was coming from my house... I don’t blame them. Even though I cared for Kitty, Lita and Bunny, washed them, put some clean clothes on them, the smell didn’t stop. I had to let them go. 

And I was alone... again. I missed them so much. 

The police didn’t find Kitty or Bunny or Lita. No investigations. But even if they did find them- cause of death? Coronavirus. Hopefully. 

 One thing I knew for sure was that I was clear. No blood on my hands. 

But... 

You must be wondering why I am telling you all this... Why do you deserve to know the truth...? 

There are two reasons: you won't be able to find me... you don’t know who I am; where I am. I might be on the other side of the world, and I might be your neighbor; I might be just a stranger wandering around your city, or I might be your colleague. Maybe I am your postman, maybe I'm not. 

The other reason I am telling you all this is... I'm watching you, Puppy. 

You are next. 

It’s a shame Bunny, Kitty and Lita won't get to know you. I'm sure you would love your sisters, and they would love you, too. I would let you play with them... Now I am sad, again... I feel so lonely, Puppy. I am glad that you will join me in a few days. 

Don’t be scared, I won't hurt you. I just want to show you how perfect you really are, I want you to feel loved. I will let you sleep in my bed.  

Wait for me. I will come to you. In a few days, when you open your door to go to live your day, I will be at your doorsteps. 

New year, new me. 

You will be the last family member, of my silly little family. No more sisters in 2021. I promise. I need to change, I need to get better. I know that it will be difficult, stopping to love others, but I know its the right thing to do. But now, it's time to get you. 

Until then please, be safe. Use your mask, wash your hands frequently. I don’t want you to get sick. Take care of yourself, until I can take care of you. 

I love you, Puppy.