Faded Sorrow

Faded Sorrow

By- Teevranshu Vashishtha

'A man born in sorrow, knows no guilt, knows no pain.' you ruminate as you watch the trains rush by. You are sitting on the platform pondering over the life that you have led till now. The train is here; you get up and walk down to your coach and take your seat. It's been raining incessantly; the zephyr is icy cold, yet smooth and is caressing your soul. You cannot refrain from opening the window as the train dashes down her path and the feel the drops trudge against your face. You are finally headed back after an epoch! You see the country scenery, and the blue mountains, it’s a life that you seldom missed. You see the lighthouse; it welcomes you back officially.

#

           You walk down the same path, where Grandma used to take you for a stroll when you were young. You see, the lamppost where you first kissed Norah James; she was your first love. Then you see the House of James, your long-lost best friend. You finally stop at the door of a known House. You stop inside the garden to have one last touch of the soft, mellow grass, where you were playing when they told you that your mother had died. You plod towards the house. You enter the living room; you gaze at that Old Silver Clock upon the mantle. How on Christmas nights you used to sit by the fireplace and impatiently wait for it to strike midnight. You stand at the door of the room where you held Dad's hand as he breathed his last. You still can't muster up the courage to go inside this room.

           You stand over the balcony of the room, which used to be yours, looking over the vast land that has brought only misfortune to your family. But not anymore, you’ll free yourself from this curse shortly. You hear the doorbell ring; you open the door. Mr. Jacob Perry is here, he was the servant when you were a little kid, but now he is a rich man who has offered to buy your 'Villa by the Sea'. You offer him a seat. He has the same smile on his face that he had when you were leaving for England. His paternal love for you has always soothed you, but today it is not so. You feel like a thousand needles are piercing you.

#

           The deed was signed, the sale was complete. Mr. Perry was officially the owner of the house. He begged you to stay for a day or two, but you felt the oppressive air of the house so stifling that you couldn’t stand there anymore. You took your leave and went away.

#

           You are now on the pier, looking over the sea and the bay. A stranger comes and sits next to you and asks you for a mint. Only three people in the world know that you always have mint on you. You take a good look at the women who is in her Sunday best. You see the same spot over the eyebrow that you had given to Catherine in a fight when you were kids. Indeed, it is her, the girl that beat you up in 2^nd grade. What is she doing here? How did she recognize you? A warm reflection of some beautiful friends that this town has given you lit up your heart. Catherine is one of them. You both leap out of joy and embrace each other tenderly. It's great to see a friend in these times of peril, for, after all, you are just another human.

           You tell her about this emptiness that you feel in your heart, even after selling the house. She knows the grief that you have gone through. She comforts you with the love of a true friend.     

“You know, you’ll never be able to overcome it if you don’t face it,” she says as she walks down with you towards the sea. You know she is right, but you don't know if you have it in your heart to step inside the room where you became an Orphan.

#

           Catherine and Mr. Perry have been up inside that room for a long time. What are they both doing? You wonder as you see the setting sunlight up the sky in an orange hue. Cathy walks down and asks you to follow him; you know she will force you to walk into that room. You make up your mind; you won't set foot in there. She takes you by the hand and leads you. She has always bossed you around. You are now back in front of that dark room; you’ve always detested its beautifully carved oak door. You turn back to run away, but then suddenly, Cathy pushes you back in. You are inside, you see the closet, where you used to hide to scare Dad when he used to come home late from work. You see the chair where Grandma used to sit as she read you Whitman's 'Oh Captain! My Captain!'. It's all way too hard for you to bear, you turn around to walk back. But then you see upon the Desk a thing that you thought that you’d never see again.  It is the one that you thought you had lost along with Mom in that accident. You lift it and press it close to your heart. You shake it once more to see you and mom enjoying the falling snow in the winters of 93’. You sink into the chair that you sat in that night. You feel your throat swell up, tears start to fill your eyes, and you feel a heavy burden fade away from your chest with each sob. You are crying; it’s for the first time you feel the pain. You are grieving for the fading sorrow that had made you this stoic man that you are, and you feel like the same light-hearted boy you were back in those days.

#

Suitcase in hand, you walk towards the station. It is all changed now, and you aren't morose anymore. Mr. Perry died last year, and, in his will, he left you the same house that you once sold him. It is now ‘A Home by the Sea’. It's been 15 years since that day; you married Catherine the next year on the same day. She is still as beautiful and caring as she was back then. You are on your way back home; you are impatient to get back and can't wait to be with your son. Who you know will be waiting for you, hiding in the same closet.