Eyes From Heaven

I lay staring up at the stars. Praying and hoping that someone would find me. Thinking of my family, my poor family, who thought I was at a sleepover. If I could go back and change all the choices I had made that led me to this point. The point of lying in a ditch at the side of a dead end road, unable to move. Scared of the inevitable. Knowing what was coming next. That I couldn’t stop it. I grew colder as the warm blood drained from my aching body on that late September night. I heard footsteps crunch back down the dirt road, the snapping of twigs beneath his feet, his heavy breathing as he got closer. A single tear slid down my cheek and onto the freshly dug up dirt beneath me. Then everything went black.

*******

I remember my death as if it was yesterday. I awoke that morning and went about my day as usual. I had breakfast, fought with my brother, hugged my mom and dad good-bye, grabbed my bag and headed out the door for school. As I always did. Except, that day I didn’t really go to school that day. My best friend Sarah was waiting for me at her house one street over. She had overheard her older sisters talking about a party going on at the university campus across town and being the grown up fifteen year olds we were, we decided that we wanted to check it out. Luckily for us, we had always looked a lot older than we really are. Sarah, being tall, skinny, and an all natural beauty, could pull off 21. Now, while I was taller than most of my classmates I was several inches shorter than Sarah, but with some heels (hidden away in my schoolbag) and some of the makeup tips I had learned from Sarah’s older sisters, I could get away with 18. Old enough to get me on campus and into the party.

 On my own I was never really a troublemaker. I played by the rules stuck to the straight and narrow, but there was something about Sarah. She was so laid back about everything. She was both wild and tame at the same time, carefree and careful. Something about doing stuff with her didn’t really feel like it was wrong or like it would get you into any trouble. She could talk me into doing anything with her. 

“Come on Lindsey,” she’d always say. “I would never do anything that would get you hurt.”

And I always believed her, because we both always made it home alive. I mean, up until this day of course. It was always just another great adventure in the book of Sarah and Lindsey. And it was beginning to be a very large book. 

Sarah and I had lived no more than one street away our whole lives. We were both 5 years old when we became neighbors. Sarah’s family owned their house on Gregory Street, we just rented ours. When I was 8 years old, the landlord decided to sell the house. My parents couldn’t afford the asking price, so we had to find a new place to go. Sarah and I were so upset, thinking we’d never see each other again, that my parents decided we wouldn’t move out of walking distance. They found an affordable home one street over on Smith Street. It was like fate. And that’s when our real adventures began.

I remember how excited and giggly we were that day. We had already asked our parents if we could stay over at each other's houses. That way her parents thought she was at my house, my parents would think I was at hers. Sarah’s sisters worked that afternoon and into the night so they wouldn’t be on campus for the party. Before we got to the campus we stopped at a coffee shop nearby. We used the bathroom to change our clothes then do our hair and makeup, then emerged as two new people and headed to the counter to order coffee (even got a student discount, being college age and all...). 

After we got our drinks we sat down and planned our night. First we’d hit up all the sorority houses, then later in the afternoon, we’d move over to the fraternities when all the hot guys had gotten done with their classes. This of course was not our first campus party. Nor was it the first time we had tricked college guys into buying us drinks.

We finished our coffee and left the shop through the back door so that I could hide my bag behind the dumpster. I would come back for it later that night, or so I thought. It would instead be found days later by one of the employees and tossed in the trash when no one claimed it. 

The campus was buzzing with life when we arrived. Music blasting from every corner of the courtyard. Every club, sorority and fraternity on campus had their tables and tents set up trying to promote their party or dinner for the night. Immediately Sarah and I made a beeline for the ones we could see were handing out free food.

“Look for the fraternity that has the hottest guys,” Sarah said to me with a small grin. “That’s the one we’ll want to check out first.”

I scanned the guys sitting at the first table... Nope. Next table.... Nope. Next… Argh. No. 

“How about that one,” I exclaimed, pointing down the sidewalk. “Sarah. They don’t even have shirts on right now. Look at those…”

“Absolutely. That one!” 

She grabbed my hand and dragged me down the street towards them. Not even looking back as I continuously tripped over my own feet trying to keep up with her. We stopped breathless in front of their table. I watched as their eyes traveled up and down us.  I put my hand on my hip and pushed it out just slightly while pretending to be interested in the flyer I had just been handed.

“So which party are you two coming to tonight?” The cute one with light blonde hair and bright blue eyes asks us.

“We haven’t quite decided yet,” Sarah teased, batting her eyes at him. “What’s the incentive for us to come to yours?”

This time a guy with tanned skin, dark brown hair and eyes to match leaned over the table towards us. “It’s definitely going to be the hottest.”  

I bit my lip, my whole body prickling. I could feel my face turning red.

“We’ll try to stop by then,” Sarah said in her most sultry voice.

*******

Let’s just say that party was the best one we had sneaked into so far. Little did I know that it would also be the last. Sarah and I met up with the guys from earlier. She ran off with the blonde, leaving me with the tanned sex god. His name was Jake. We spent the night drinking, dancing, chatting, and making out. Never did he ask my age, so I didn’t bother to tell him. It wasn’t long before the guys invited us to their rooms. Apparently it was about a 15 minute walk from the campus, which didn’t sound too bad at the time when your body is full of an illegal substance. We grabbed our stuff and headed out of the party. Several minutes down the road my phone started to ring in my purse. I let go of Jake’s hand so I could pull it out. I saw my home phone number lighting up the screen. I paused, staring at the screen, wondering if I should take the call. 

If only I had answered that call. Why didn’t I just answer that call? I should have told them everything. I should have had them come get me. But I didn’t. I sent the call to voicemail and looked up. I was standing alone on the empty street. For the first time ever, Sarah had left me. I didn’t know what to do or where the others had gone. I wasn’t quite sure how to get back to the campus from here so I just continued in the direction we were going, hoping that I’d eventually catch up with them. After a few minutes of trudging up the road in my 5 inch stilettos my legs were searing in pain. I rubbed at my bare arms which were covered in goosebumps, wishing I had grabbed the jacket my mom told me to take this morning. I could hear a car coming in the distance and moved to the side of the road so they could get by. As it neared they started to slow down, then came to a stop beside me.

“Hey there. It’s freezing out. Do you need a ride?”

I turned to see a man who appeared to be in his forties sitting at the wheel of a dark van, smiling at me through the rolled down passenger window. 

“Oh no, I’m good. Thank you.” I politely declined his offer then began walking again.

He started driving next to me. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I figured you were coming from that party at the university. I just took a bunch of people home that didn’t need to be driving. I usually get called for the parties. Here’s my card.”

He reached for his wallet and handed a business card to me through the window. I take a step closer to grab it from him. 

DON’S SHUTTLE SERVICE. LET US DRIVE AND MAKE IT HOME

ALIVE.

It looked to be legit, along with the fact that the van smelled of fresh alcohol. Doubting I’d catch up with others at this point anyway I gave in and against my better judgement crawled in the van. Immediately the warmth from the heater fell over me, soothing my aching legs and thawing my freezing fingers.

“So where to?” He asked as I buckled into the passenger seat.

I knew not to give my actual address so I just gave him the address of the gas station closest to my block. He started to drive again. I sat back and watched the dark shops pass the window. The streets were empty at this hour. The only nightlife in our town was at the university. After about ten minutes an eerie feeling started to creep over me. We should have been there by now. I glanced out the window and realized I had no clue where we were at or where we were going.

My body felt numb and my voice trembled when I asked him the question I didn’t really want an answer to. “Wh...Where are you taking me?”

Silence. 

I quietly started to unbuckle and grab at the door handle. We were going slow enough at this point that I thought maybe I could escape.

“Oh, I wouldn’t bother trying to jump out dear. That door doesn’t open from the inside.”

I started to shiver, even though the van was plenty warm. We rode another five minutes in silence. The road turned from pavement to gravel as the woods slowly grew thicker and darker. Finally we came to a stop on a dead end road. I couldn’t see any lights. Actually, I couldn’t see any sign of life anywhere around us. He turned to face me, a frightening smile forming on his lips.

“Let’s have a little fun shall we.” 

He stretched out his hand and placed it on my breast.

“Please, no.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

His breathing grew deeper and heavier. He continued to touch me, everywhere. I couldn’t move, paralyzed by fear. Tears spilled over from my eyes and dripped down onto my dress. Leaving stains in the soft pink satin fabric. 

“Don’t cry,” he said as he started to slip the strap from my shoulder. His lips pressed softly against mine. “Just a little fun…”

Suddenly, without even knowing what I was doing, I felt my fist connect with his jaw. The loud crack of bone brought me back to reality. He recoiled holding a hand to his face. He had a look of shock to match my own. Slowly his eyes started to narrow as he pulled something from his side door.

“What was that for?” His menacing voice sent chills down my spine. “I’m sorry the night has to end like this now honey,” he sneered.

“No, No, please!” I shrieked.

I turned and scrambled my way to the back seat, hoping I could make it out of the van from there. My fingers grazed the handle before my body was wrenched backwards. He pulled me back to the front seat by my hair and put all of his weight on me. His hand pushed a knife slowly into my side. 

“It didn’t have to be like this,” he slowly whispered into my ear. “Just a little fun and you could have gone home.” 

When I became weak enough that I couldn’t struggle against him anymore, he opened the door and dragged me by my feet from the van then down into the ditch beside the road.  He returned to his van where he rummaged around for a bit before pulling something shiny and metal out. As he came closer, I could see it was a shovel. My heart hammered in my chest. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. He walked over to the ditch and started to dig. Dirt falling down onto my face and body as he dumped it from the hole onto the cold hard ground beside me.  When he finished he returned to the van once again. 

My body started to convulse. There’s no way to describe the feeling of knowing. Knowing there’s nothing you can do to save yourself. Knowing that even if you could scream, no one would hear it in the empty forest. Knowing that you are going to die. I knew this that night. If only I could tell my family one more time that I love them. And that I’m sorry. That I am so sorry. If only they could know my last thoughts were of them. A tear slid down my cheek. If only I could go back and do everything differently. 

A few minutes later, I could hear him approaching, crashing through the undergrowth. A trash bag being held in his right hand. I had no more energy left to be afraid. I had already accepted my fate. That my actions had led to these consequences. My vision grew dim as I felt all the pain leaving my body. The last thing I remember about that night was looking up at the stars. How peaceful and beautiful they seemed as they shined silently in the clear night sky above. 

Waiting to welcome me home among them.