Contest #169 shortlist ⭐️

33 comments

Western American Friendship

There's a graveyard in Old Home, California, that hasn't changed its prices since 1978. The locals know it. They are suspicious of strangers coming to their town with pickup trucks because everyone in the world would like a free plot of land just to bury their kin.


One time Sally Greenbow told us that the military did not pay enough to bury her husband after Iraq. The commercials on the television say that the average funeral cost is the same price as a used Toyota. The same price as a 5-year-old car that will get you to work. I'm sure that most people would say that you should just burn the body, ashes to ashes and get down and pray...


There are some people in this world that think that the only ones that should be burned are hated by God. And so for this reason the community used to take up collections, people stood at the corner of highway 99 and xx road, hoping that someone that pulled over to get food at Denny's would stop and consider that their money is needed for another.


We don't want Sally standing out on the highway with her five fatherless kids begging at strangers. They never met the man. We never met the man. He is a merely a symbol. Sally moved away after a high school and returned to her hometown with a corpse and a half dozen kids.


Therein lies the rub. I mean Sally hasn't been spending one weekend every month pulling weeds. She doesn't go to our masonry events where we pour concrete into sarcophagus forms. You have to use these things because every 100-year flood will make bodies rise. It's not the second coming of Christ it's a geological event.


The second problem is that the particular graveyard only has about 2 acres left. After that we're going to have to be like those modern folks who bury their dead standing up. We are going to have to start using the well diggers instead of the backhoe. The water table in this area is going to be very interesting when you have an entire family buried down in a straight line.


Our estimates are than anything over a nuclear family, say three kids, is gonna have to be capped with a well head. Well heads are not that pretty. Well heads are terrible to pray around, there's no room for flowers since you have to pour concrete about 5 ft across and 5 ft deep.


It depends upon the pressure of the souls trying to escape. Souls escape with water pressure. It's not a Stephen King problem unless the souls start making you breakfast and yelling that your house needs paint.


When my mother's soul rises you're going to know it.


So, we meet at The Grange. We'll let the Sergeant at Arms tell the notes of the last meeting. Someone brings a high school picture of Sally in case we forgot. Sister Daniels brings hard cookies that she made sometime in the past.


The rains coming. Lightning is already hit the backfield. Most of us want to get back to our projects that we left out in the yard that need tarps. I know that half of my kids are going to be playing in puddles if I don't get back in a hurry.


And Sally's husband still needs a plot.


Brother Calhoun says, "She left us, ya know. There's no common reason to do anything more."


It's Edgla Perry that has the better discussion, "The man is a war hero. We should take care of him."

Unfortunately, this leads to the question whether Iraq was a good War.


There are people in the audience that completed their draft service in Vietnam. They have definite opinions about people describing a good War.


Sally is not invited to the town counsel. No one cares to hear her ideas or her pleads or her petitions. If the referendum goes forward she's going to be the sole beneficiary to one of our guarded secrets.


Old Pat Scowels is indignant. He says it's pretty much like giving the woman $15,000. Then he says, "I'm going to send my woman for war if you got fifteen THOUSAND dollars."


And we all have to laugh because Patrick Scowels is a seventy year old bachelor.


Debbie Fanszi is probably our creative center. The magnificent lady puts together the best quilts for over a hundred miles, matching worn socks in such a way that children can be snuggled into the toil of their parents.


Debbie asks about the "Benefit Society," how Mrs Sally P. Could earn her place back to our town's trust with just a few side projects. No one wants to see Sally move away with her kids to find work. That means she'd just be leaving us the body.


There's a general murmur in the room, a rustling of feet, transitory eye exchanges that means: the Benefits Society might be going too far.


Sister Daniels says that she'll give up the bed panning if maybe Jim Deacon will switch to letter writing. Jim is not around to give his Blessing. Most of us agreed that we should keep the original author.


Deborah is confused because she's just an artist. Someone has to put a cookie in her mouth so that she doesn't talk again.


The gavel falls down.


"Look here folks. We have to keep old Joe from dying because the law says that his wife will be notified. We have to keep Patrick on them letters because if you change a voice after forty years she's gonna know."


The leaders of the Town decided to keep sending $5 to the Philippines every month, with a letter. The town would keep paying for the small items needed for a farmer in a coma. They would shave him, tend to his body like the rest of the memorial setting.


They remembered Mrs. Biden's last visit. How she raised the prices on plots, markers and sercophagi -- how she stopped letting Joe burry children for free.


No, The Benefit Society would give Sally a job. The solution was clear.


We just didn't know at that time that Joe biden's wife had already died, leaving our town with no beneficiary.



October 22, 2022 01:00

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33 comments

Lily Finch
21:41 Oct 22, 2022

Yes. This is a conundrum. Who has that kind of money to bury a loved one? Or even arrange for yourself after you are gone? Ridonculous! Ridiculous too. I like this story because it resonates with a human touch to it. Something straightforward - really not your style so much. A change in your writing here, Tommy. Good job. LF6 (I invent words all the time.)

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Tommy Goround
23:07 Oct 22, 2022

Hmmm....thought the 100yeard old dad was the change with looooong sentences. I need a ranking to just keep one.

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Lily Finch
23:45 Oct 22, 2022

Also, a contender. Now it is the dealer's choice between this story and the Laundry story. LF6

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Amanda Lieser
18:35 Nov 14, 2022

Hi Tommy! This was an incredibly unique take on the prompt. And I felt like I learned a lot about a topic that many people don’t want to/can’t find the strength to face. I also thought that you did a great job characterizing your cast and I ultimately felt like I didn’t have a good solution to the problems presented in this piece. It was certainly a thinker. Congratulations on the shortlist!

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Tommy Goround
00:49 Nov 16, 2022

Thank you, Amanda.

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Jeannette Miller
21:19 Nov 07, 2022

Ha! This was a fun one to read. Congratulations on the shortlist :) I live in a small town and am a member of my local Grange so I found quite a bit of humor there. So much color and character with this story. Well done :)

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Tommy Goround
22:41 Nov 07, 2022

Hello, from PNW expat. We used to have an active Grange in Gig Harbor. But then I had to move and the new Grange is afraid of people coming over to dance and make a mess. (So they rent out their parking lot to the card casino next door... And give the money to feed kids breakfast at the community center) yay. What part of the Pacific Northwest are you, pretty please? I hope you say "George, Washington," because it is a name of character. (And it is so funny to say every time I go by.) Thank you for looking at my little story.

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Jeannette Miller
15:36 Nov 09, 2022

Hello! I'm in a small town (5500 pop) of Philomath, Oregon. Our Grange is pretty fun! We have some old timers but our average age is around 37-ish. We have yoga twice a week, a monthly dance and bluegrass jam, plus a bunch of other community building stuff. I did a two weekend dinner theatre of the show Always, Patsy Cline back in May and we not only sold out, it had some standing in the back. I'm very grateful to those people. Sounds like your new grange needs a leadership boost to get things going :)

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Tommy Goround
16:54 Nov 09, 2022

I had an 84-year-old neighbor that wanted to make a coup on the Grange management.. reluctantly, I went over to the Grange with the neighbor. Ummm... It's like one 22 year old girl that only shows up because her dad is a founder.... Four people in their 80s that say they have to clean up after strangers. My neighbor is a perpetual artist so.. He didn't understand when I told him the Grange was losing money. To use the Grange is to lose money for some reason.

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Philip Ebuluofor
16:14 Nov 06, 2022

You are you. Two at a go. Congrats man.

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Tommy Goround
17:29 Nov 06, 2022

:) Thank you for making me feel beautiful, philip

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Philip Ebuluofor
15:54 Nov 07, 2022

You are something else I tell you. You seem to be good in this storytelling department. Man, you are good.

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Graham Kinross
10:18 Nov 06, 2022

"begging at strangers." begging at because she'd be ignored? "estimates are than," that. Hasn't Peppa Pig told you? Everyone likes playing in muddy puddles! This brings up the odd requirements of paying for the dead and how they can bankrupt the living. Perhaps there should be a government funded basic package, but that would be too socialist for America I suspect. Can't say I find socialism such a dirty word.

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Tommy Goround
10:36 Nov 06, 2022

haah Was Einstein a socialist?

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Graham Kinross
10:42 Nov 06, 2022

Not sure about Einstein, genius. Pioneer of the mad scientist look, poster boy for college kids who want to feel 'deep.' Good at physics, bad at love, cheated on his first wife with his cousin, then married her. That doesn't seem so smart to me, then again, I'm no genius.

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Tommy Goround
10:50 Nov 06, 2022

Have a 1936 copy of his" Ideas and Opinions" (collection of essays) and the cover page was redacted by a previous owner. It once said: "The ideas of a great man." Then this was crossed out in red, same hand, and written: "The ideas of a socialist". I have never found a compelling reason to call him a socialist. IDK. Was just curious.

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Graham Kinross
21:12 Nov 06, 2022

There’s interesting baggage with terms like capitalism, socialism and communism. Capitalism feels like a system pretending everyone can be rich. Socialism is pretending everyone can be healthy. Communism is pretending everyone can be equal. For me, socialism seems the most realistic.

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Marty B
23:00 Nov 04, 2022

Great story- congrats!

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Tommy Goround
04:26 Nov 05, 2022

Thanks, Marty!

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Thom With An H
17:27 Nov 04, 2022

Now I've read both and love both. Double win in one week. You are a prodigy.

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Tommy Goround
04:26 Nov 05, 2022

(I don't think anyone else spent the extra five bucks). :)

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Julie Grenness
18:43 Nov 03, 2022

This is quite an intriguing portrayal of the inevitable. Nothing surer, it is like taxes. Well done, good use of imagery and personalities. Have you expressed your wishes for your mortal remains? Creepily real world issues. Nice touch at the conclusion. Keep on writing!

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Tommy Goround
19:05 Nov 03, 2022

Why yes. It is my favorite subject when everyone meets for a holiday. Unfortunately it has changed throughout the years. I used to want one of those pyramid like Great pyramid.. funerals.. found out how much they cost and kept basically lowering my standards.. the pine box is available at Walmart for about 600 bucks. (Thank you for reading, Julie).

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Michał Przywara
21:21 Nov 02, 2022

You raise a good point here: death is expensive for the living. We saddle the bereaved with bills, but of course if a body isn't buried everyone suffers. Feels like salt in the wound. It's actually a pretty impressive system. First profit from the soldier in war, and then profit from the soldier's death. Never let an opportunity to profit pass you by, I guess :) I like the council debating things here. It's a problem they need to solve, but don't want to. I wonder how much their existence costs the taxpayer. On the other hand, there's ...

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Tommy Goround
21:36 Nov 02, 2022

Yes...typo (bury) (must have spilled coffee in the r section of the keyboard) lol The local grange is all volunteers. Damning of war? What an interesting analysis. In North California... There are three government cemeteries that I know of. All of them are around a hundred miles from where my mother lived. You can wait around a month to fill in the paperwork and prove that the dead was a soldier and get them over to a graveyard that is like a desert. No one else wanted the land. So, soldiers ,here, get a welfare plot. A cheap , 200 mile ...

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Jarrel Jefferson
13:56 Oct 31, 2023

Sometime I think about how I’d want my body handled when I die. Ultimately I’d want it handled in the least expensive way possible so my family doesn’t struggle with funeral costs. Hell, sometimes I think about doing something extreme when I’m an old man (mountain climbing or sky diving or something) and dying before I reach than age when I’d burden someone with round-the-clock care. Congrats on on this story being shortlisted. Your writing style hasn’t change since 2022. I’m a little envious of that because I’m still trying to figure out m...

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Tommy Goround
15:03 Nov 04, 2023

Whispers: (Thank you, Jarrel).

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Keith Maynard Jr
11:56 Feb 08, 2023

Nice story, I even had a laugh. Pat is a treat and Sister Daniels with those hard cookies lol. When I read 'Benefit's Society' my mind thought of 'Friends with Benefits' for some reason.

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Tommy Goround
16:51 Feb 08, 2023

That's interesting. Maybe a drama premise for you? (Thanks Keith, for taking a look).

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Keith Maynard Jr
17:50 Feb 08, 2023

I'd say no but who knows what the future holds, though I'm not one for lots of drama. Though as Stephen King said, "go where the story takes you" (he was talking himself).

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L M
19:50 Dec 26, 2022

Great story, Tommy. You have a brilliant imagination.

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Tommy Goround
20:03 Dec 26, 2022

Thank you kindly

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L M
07:39 Jan 10, 2023

Yooure welcome

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