"Ring... Ring... It's time to wake up!"
"Ring... Ring... It's time to wake up!"
Fred's eyes slowly opened to behold the behold the beauty of a new morning sunrise, as the repetitive voice of his alarm clock ushered him back to consciousness. He got out of bed, killed the alarm clock and hurriedly began to get ready for work.
In about twenty minutes time, he was standing in front of the large mirror placed directly opposite his wardrobe and just right beside his study table.
"Today is great day..." he began saying, talking to his reflection in the mirror.
"Me will catch many bad guys today again", he continued as he held up a nine millimeter pistol.
"Me not die 'cos me is son of gun", he grinned as he concluded his daily mantra which he had always believed protected him from being shot for the past twelve years.
As he stepped out of his apartment, he lost his balance,
"Aaaarrrgggghhh!!!!", he screamed with his eyes tightly shut as he felt a sudden ring in his head which vanished as quickly as it came. As soon as he regained his balance, he reached for the key in his pocket, unlocked his car and drove out.
Just as he was entering the EFCC headquarters, he was met by the Boss Lady who signalled him to stop and wind down his car glass.
"Finally, he arrives", she said.
"I've rung you all morning, but you seem to be at war with your phone".
[[Fred could swore he had been in this exact situation before.]]
"What? Cat got your tongue? Anyways, hurry up now and join the guys. They just left for St. George's house and they would definitely need an extra pair of eyes to conduct the search", she concluded.
"Boss Lady", Fred called just before she was about to leave.
"What is it?"
"Today, what day?", he asked.
"October 10 son. Is everything okay?"
"Me fine", he replied before driving off.
He parked at his garage and rushed into his apartment sweating profusely. He locked every window and door with a terrifying look upon his face like he was being chased by someone or something.
"How this be?"
"How this be?", he repeatedly screamed trying to make sense of what is happening as everything that was happening has happened before.
His Gionee A1 began to ring, but he decided not to pick the Boss Lady's call. He was expecting her to ring him thirteen times, after which he'd pick up on the fourteenth.
The thirteenth call rang and stopped.
"Rest peace Boss Lady", Fred muttered to himself. He was fully aware that the thirteenth call was her last just before she died.
"Me dream, Me must wake up. Me must confirm", he said as he stood up and reached for the TV remote, and there before his eyes was the confirmation news he needed. The murder of Lieutenant Funmi Simpson, and the tears that has welled up in his eyes found its way freely down his cheek.
"This real", he said feeling shocked.
"Me not here. Me not here at all", he exclaimed as he jumped up and dashed for the door. He was a few inches away when..
The door was blown open and its impact sent him sprawling back across the tiled floor. He coughed, open his eyes and got on his feet. He was face to face with an assassin, and judging from the blood stain on his gloves, he was the same man who murdered the Boss Lady. And he knew what was about to happen. He has been remembering future occurrences since the sudden ring in his head. But his future was already so close to an end as today was the day he died.
"Who you?", he asked the assassin.
"I am your past coming back to haunt you", he replied as he leaped forward in a ferocious attack at Fred who easily parried every single one of his attack.
Again, the assassin threw two knives at Fred while attempting to take him out, but he dodged them completely.
"Me not die 'cos me is son of gun", he said out loud before dashing towards the assassin launching an attack of his own. Back and forth they went, exchanging blows, bruises, and broken ribs in the process of redecorating the million dollar interior designs into a million scattered interior designs.
"Me not die 'cos me is son of gun", Fred continued chanting his mantra as he reached for one of the knives stuck on the wall. The assassin was poised to charge at him once more and he was ready for him.. But that was not to be the case. Instead, he brought out a pistol and aimed it at Fred.
"What were you thinking?", the tired assassin asked.
"That you had a chance? No way!"
"You really going to do this, this point? Damn it! You no honour", Fred replied.
"Hell yeah, I will. I guess there was honour in you killing my Father and sending my brother to jail for an offense he didn't commit."
"What you mean? I not do such thing".
"Shut up! You Liar! So now you're denying it. I heard you with my two ears when you told your Boss Lady that you've neutralized the target".
"I not understand! When? How?", Fred questioned as he couldn't remember those events.
"Tell that to God when you see Him", the assassin said as his face boiled with rage.
[[Fred knew this was the point where his present met his future...]]
The sound of the gunshot echoed as the assassin pulled the trigger.
Fred gave a wry smile as he slowly dropped to the ground. He had lost the war to déjà vu from the very onset. But he just won a battle.
The assassin suddenly began vomiting blood from his mouth.
Unknowing to him, Just before the gunshot, Fred had swiftly launched the knife in his hand into the air, and it had trusted deep into and stayed across the assassin's throat.
Although, Fred knew he could not change his fate, but he was very satisfied that he was able to disrupt one piece of the puzzle.
Another round of fresh blood spluttered out of his mouth. He fell to the ground and died right beside a smiling Fred.
For Fred never remembered at any point, the death of the assassin.
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You need to write screenplays for action films! Again, I love your characters...so likeable, so real. I’d dial back all the extra letters. Instead of “Aaaarrrgggghhh!!!!" he screamed Try “ARGH!" he screamed. It’s easier to read and gets your point across.
You are making the rounds Deidra. Tons of thanks to you. Very much noted Deidra. I really appreciate you. Still new at writing stories though, and I'm certainly going to improve on these points. Your feedbacks are precious. God bless you!
I think you did a great job with this, I'm going to give this story a 10/10 :)
Thank you very much Blair. I really do appreciate your words. They are very kind. God bless you!
no problem, ya deserve it ^^
no prob ^^
large mirror placed directly opposite his wardrobe and just right beside his study table.- is the mirror central to the story? If not, you don't need such precision about its placement. Me or I- If you can replace the word with he and it makes sense, then you probably should use I. For example - He ate breakfast. I ate breakfast. He drove to work. I drove to work. This is a little confusing, but mostly due to the prompt. It has good energy and pacing. Your fight scene is exaggerated, like Hollywood movies, but not bad.
I sincerely appreciate this feedback Mr Stucker. I'd certainly work on that. Thanks for the compliment too! God bless you!
This is a thrilling story.. I'm calling this a Suspence Thriller. Good piece.
Thank you very much Taiwo! I appreciate your kind words.
Woahhhhhh this is such a good story, depicting the true "deja vu" scenario. I really enjoyed reading this and I can't wait to read the rest of your work. Wonderful job! :)
Thank you very much Jasey!
No problem! :D