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Funny Drama Crime

    Claude Drewitt was finally living his lifelong dream as a police officer. His father, Johnathon Drewitt, was the town’s beloved, longtime Chief of Police.  The locals highly regarded Chief Drewitt for his fairness and astute knowledge of the law. Claude always wanted to be just like his father and follow him dutifully in his footsteps. Claude failed the police officer's test, but the instructors fudged the score so Claude could pass. Claude also was unable to meet the standards and procedures of the police academy, but the instructors pushed him throughout with respect and as a favor to Chief Drewitt. Claude’s training performance had leaked out, thanks to the loose tongues of some of the other cadets. Many of his former high school classmates remembered that he had barely graduated. Now that he was a policeman, surreptitiously, the locals referred to Claude as “Officer Dimwit.” 

     He was temporarily grounded from driving a police cruiser because of a traffic accident. He was going too close behind a civilian who ran a stop sign. Claude turned on his blue lights and rammed the driver in the rear, unintentionally, as the car slowed to stop. Claude’s driving restrictions had just been lifted, and he was reinstated to a police cruiser. 

     Claude was slowly driving, along a busy street, focusing more on teenage girls than paying attention to traffic violations. On slow nights, as he drove, he would daydream about capturing a dangerous fugitive or rescuing a family from a burning house while putting his own life at risk. He yearned to be a hero and earn the respect of the townspeople and his father.

     He was about at the halfway point, between the turn-around’s when traffic came to a standstill. He eyed a small crowd at the intersection. He suspected a fender bender had occurred but hoped it would be something more serious. He flipped on his blues lights and sounded the siren for which he lived. He drove around to the left of the stalled cars and took off toward the scene. He loved the attention of the onlookers as he sped across the strip. 

     He caught a glimpse of Gilbert MacQuoid, who appeared frustrated, as he sat in traffic. Claude looked forward to the day he would ultimately pull over Gilbert for speeding, some other traffic violation, or even worse! Someday, Claude would get even for how Gilbert bullied him in school. So many classmates, who taunted him, have moved away, but if only they could see officer Claude Drewitt, now!

     Claude daydreaming was suddenly disrupted by what appeared be a man slapping a woman.

     Adrenaline hit Claude and he quickly got out of the squad car and rushed toward the assailant. Claude wrestled him to the ground, as he released a knife he was holding in the other hand. A crowd that had gathered cheered and applauded. 

     Claude’s newfound fame as a heroic police officer was the answer to his father’s prayers. Chief Drewitt had always used his influence or power in manipulating the system to help his son get by in life. Whenever Claude was repeatedly bullied in school, Chief Drewitt would find out the bully’s identity. The chief would visit the parent’s home in full uniform and do a little bullying of his own by putting the fear of God in them with the threat of reform school. He would give detailed accounts of the horror stories about the terrible things the boys would do to their son.  

     When Claude failed the tryouts for the minor league team, the chief approached Sam, who conducted the evaluation. Firmly and discreetly, the chief talked with Sam. Showing great concern, the chief revealed Sam’s criminal record.

     “Sam, why in the world would you not include your drunk driving violation on your application?” Chief Drewitt asked.

     “Drunk driving? I didn’t think it mattered,” Sam replied.

     “Now, Sam. Don’t play games with me. I’ve known you for a long time. I’m surprised at you. You have yourself and me in a very tight spot. You can go to jail for not disclosing your jail record. Do you realize that?”

     Sam stared at the court record with his head held down but said nothing.

     “What are we going to do about this, Sam?”

     “It was a long time ago, Chief. I was only twenty years old. It’s a driving and drinking charge. It was not a felony.”

     “Doesn’t matter, Sam!” You were supposed to include that in your application! You, of all people, should know better.” 

     “I’ll resign.” Sam keeps his head down and is too ashamed to look the chief in the eye. 

     “I wish I hadn’t discovered this, Sam. By law, I must arrest you.” The chief pretended to be in deep thought about what to do next. “I’ll tell you what, Sam. Yes, you really should resign, but why don’t you stay on. I’ll pretend that I didn’t find this arrest document, and I pray nobody else finds out about it. You’re fortunate, in a way, that it was me who found out about it. You do a tremendous job with the little league tryouts. My boy, Claude, was in the tryouts last night. I took him there, but I couldn’t stay. I had a police call. That’s the curse with this job. I’m just too busy. He had to walk home. He has been practicing a lot. I assume he passed. I got home late last night, left early this morning, and haven’t talked to him. I’ll speak to him tonight, for sure. Have you completed the evaluation?”

     Sam thought for a moment. He remembered that Claude had failed the tryouts and completed the evaluation. He chose his words very carefully. “I’m still going through them all,” he lied. “Claude had a couple of issues, mainly with his batting, but yes, your son made the cut.” He tried to smile.

     Chief Drewitt returned the smile, patted Sam on the shoulder, winked and said, “good man.”

     The big day had finally arrived. Claude would be receiving police merit for heroism. Chief Drewitt would proudly present the merit to his son. Such events are typically conducted within the police headquarters with a small number of chosen spectators. However, considering Claude’s successes don’t appear frequently, the chief arranged a big ceremony in the town square and inviting the public. 

     The chief contacted a carnival ride company to place a Ferris wheel on the square, but it was decided that such a large amusement ride would not be practical. So, he settled on a merry-go-round placed on the square’s east side. Arrangements for some meals-on-wheels trucks, to be placed on Main Street, and the civic clubs were also invited to conduct their fundraiser events.

     Excitement was in the air. Dozens of children were in line to ride the merry-go-round, and the music was loud. The adults were checking out civic club events and the aroma of the food wagons almost reminded the crowd of the county fair, the town’s biggest event of the year.

     In the center of it all was the stage with red, white, and blue décor, built by high school student volunteers. Hundreds of locals covered the stage’s court square as the main attraction started. Police officers from surrounding counties and even some from Nashville walked up the stage in a single file. 

     Chief Drewitt followed his son, Claude, while the crowd cheered and applauded. A small group of twenty-somethings chanted, “officer Dimwit,” repeatedly until a cop in charge of security threatened them with arrest for disturbing the peace.

     Some of the police officers of higher rank stood behind the podium to boast about Claude’s heroic police work and how the brave men in blue keep the citizens safe. Chief Drewitt stood and gave a minute-by-minute account of the circumstances leading to Claude accosting the knife-welding assailant. 

     After speaking for ten minutes, the chief asked Claude to stand to receive his police merit.  A nervous Claude stood and almost tripped as he made his way to the podium. Faint chants, “Officer Dimwit, officer Dimwit, officer Dimwit,” were briefly heard. The chief presented the award and then motioned Claude to the microphone to make his acceptance speech. 

     Claude had no real experience in public speaking, and he was scared out of his mind. Earlier, the chief instructed his son to memorize or be familiar with the written presentation.  The chief urged him to stand tall, focus his attention on the audience, and confidently deliver the written speech. 

     His hands were shaking as he looked down at the prepared speech his father had written. Claude realized his father was doing all this as a favor, but it was really a nuisance.   He stuttered and stammered as he slowly read the presentation word-for-word. He managed to get through most of it. He remembered what his father had said about looking at the crowd directly. When he raised his head and saw the hundreds of people staring back, he froze—for the first time, seeing everyone together flooded his mind with unhappy memories. He looked down at the written speech, but he had lost the place where he had left off.  The ‘Officer Dimwit’ chants abruptly began once again. Claude was stuttering incoherently. 

     Mercifully, his father stepped up to the microphone, applauded, and the crowd followed. He covered the microphone with his hand and instructed Claude to sit down. Fortunately, the policemen sitting behind the podium were the only ones who noticed that he had pissed his pants.

April 08, 2023 15:14

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4 comments

Helen A Smith
07:01 May 20, 2023

Hi Bernie I really enjoyed this story. I could see it all so vividly. This was a comical/tragic figure whose father had made life ultimately more difficult for his son, even if he had good intentions. Good scene setting too.

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Mary Bendickson
05:02 Apr 14, 2023

Missed his opportunity to shine. Put a damper on things for sure. Glad you liked my little spin cycle in Monotony Monopoly

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3i Writer
03:19 Apr 11, 2023

Poor guy. He may not deserve to be a police office but he definitely deserves that award.

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R W Mack
16:20 Apr 16, 2023

It's not bad bones for a story, but I felt it lacked the hooks needed to get me invested. Plenty good to work with though. Just needs refining. Not the worst I've judged by a longshot.

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