A Night to Re-remember

I never thought I’d say this, but your heart is my only wish. Every day I dream of what is called a we that includes you and me. I want to be your savior, your knight in shining armor. You can be my ruler so I’ll protect the empire. Meeting you was told to be fate, for you is it the same? Every time I’m with you it's always just us two. Others come, but you’re to stay because I’m taking you away. I’ll be your peter pan and take you to neverland. Who needs to be old when we can stop time and be together forever? Will you be mine? Will you say yes? Will this work out? Questions that run through my head every day till the end. Just answer them already so I can wrap you in my arms and never let you go until death do us part.

A poem I still hold in my hands to this day. I lock it away now, hiding the pain it brings me, haunting me as it crawls along the walls and in my feelings. I walk around this house slowly turning every corner. Will this tightness in my chest go away? The thoughts of regret fill my head until it overflows pouring out my ears drowning me in the same words. I can’t escape no matter what I do or what I try. It’s almost like I’m trapped with a mistake I made in my past. The happiness I once had has become my curse that hangs over my shoulders until death do us part. 

Across the darkroom, I see a picture sitting under a light. A picture I printed out of the two of us after a selfie from a party. 

Suddenly, I could hear her precious, soft laugh in the distance. The picture frame, a hand reaching out as if to lead me in. As it stays still, I hop my way over through the sea of misery. All around me, voices spew their words out to me trying to stop me, change my mind, slow me down. 

“She won’t want to see you.”

“There’s nothing you can do to bring her back.”

“You’ve messed up. Deal with it.”

All the voices surrounding me kept going and going, Yet, my only goal was to escape the room digesting me. The hand glowing in the light affixing its beam is the only thing that kept my mind and heart on track. “Just a little more and I’ll be right there.” That’s all I could think to myself to drown out the noise around me.

I felt hands wrap around my waist pulling me back into the dark abyss. The hand I’ve been taking every step closer to finally at my fingertips. I pushed and I pushed myself forward until my hand finally grasped the soft, hand reaching out to me. I grabbed on tight as it did the same. As it rapidly pulled me into the other world, I closed my eyes hearing a prominent, soft voice that was familiar. “Welcome back,” a whisper right into my ear.

I opened my eyes, feeling myself unconsciously taking one step after another with my hand entwined with another swinging back and forth. I could hear the taps on the ground in a skipping rhythm. I peeked to the side of me and there she was: Julia. I looked around recognizing more of my surroundings. This was back when we were walking home after a party. A smile crossed my face far and wide. I let go of her hand and wrapped my arm around her waist as we walked down the boardwalk. “Someone’s clingy tonight,” she giggled.

“Nothing wrong with being close.”

She leaned her head down trying to hide her smile. She leaned in a little closer, laying her hand on my chest. “It’s cold out anyway.”

As we walked home, I looked out to the ocean feeling it's cold breeze find its way to the land. In my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about this second chance I was given. As much as my fear of making the same mistake again was taking over my thoughts, I took a deep breath and tried to think of what I could change this time. “Hey, Brandon?” She interrupted my thinking.

Whenever she spoke, all my thoughts went away and she was all I could concentrate on. Though she made it hard to breathe, I was okay with my breath getting taken by her. “Yeah?” I responded.

She looked up at the stars glistening down on the world. “You ever wonder what it’ll be like when we’re older?”

At that moment, my heart dropped. My body stiffened up making it hard for me to move. “Brandon?” She tried getting a response out of me.

After a moment, I finally snapped out of it, gaining the ability to speak again. “Why don’t we just take it one day at a time?”

“Mm.” She moved away from me moving my hand off of her.

Already, the night has turned back into what it once was. Soon enough, we’ll be back at it again with this being the last moment of us together and I’ll be stuck in my apartment alone until the end of my days. I began hyperventilating at the thought of losing Julia again, but I didn’t want to have her worry. I tried to control myself slowly inhaling and exhaling. Once I did, the tension between us was all we could feel with no sound in between.

We finally came to an end in our journey as we made it to her house. “Well, I guess we’re done here…” The end of her sentence was left hanging. 

I could tell she didn’t want this to end and I wasn’t going to let it. Before she walked up to her front door, I grabbed her hand and led her to the park a few blocks down. It was decorated with lights, stands, tents, and a stage playing live music. That’s when I realized there was a festival happening. This was the place I had to tell her even if we weren’t to have privacy. There was a bench up ahead in the distance. I sat down dragging her down with me. Without hesitation, I spoke not giving her a chance to even let out a sound. “Julia, I need to tell you something.”

She sat there, crossing both her legs and arms giving me an annoyed look. “What’s so important?”

I grabbed both her hands uncrossing her arms. I tried to talk, but nothing would come out. I began choking on my words that led to a cough that wouldn’t stop. “If you’re not ready to talk then I’ll just leave.” 

Before she left, fireworks burst in the sky here and there. I finally stopped coughing finally able to look at her even with tears in my eyes. She was gazing at the fireworks with a look of awe. I smiled, pulling her close. I wrapped my arms around her and she grabbed onto mine. Bright colors and shapes were painting the skies. One firework shaped like a heart with a spiral in the middle caught her attention the most. She pointed up at it trying to get my attention towards it as well. Her smile glowed as it reflected her pureness back to the world. Her eyes filled with little stars sparkling. Without saying a word, I leaned down and kissed her precious soft lips without hesitating. 

When I backed away, we were in my apartment on the couch with her laying in my lap. We were watching a movie that night. She turned over falling asleep in my lap. As I ran my fingers through her hair, I whispered in her ear, “I love you.” I looked back at the picture that brought me back to the past where I could have my second chance. Instead of that last selfie we took together, it was a picture of us kissing under the fireworks. My heart warmed up knowing my life changed the way I wished it to be. I could now answer her question without hesitation. Our future would be of us together, my arms wrapped around her never letting go until death do us part.