Your pet has been found

From: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Subject: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

Greetings Mr. Kapoor,

We’re happy to inform you that Bartholomew has been found! Our volunteer Ajay located him near the Japanese Gardens on Sinhagad road, approximately 7 km from your registered address. He appears a bit disoriented but otherwise in excellent health. He even had his monocle intact when we found him, looking as distinguished as ever.

Please confirm a time for pick-up. He’s been asking for you.

With warmth and whiskers,

Aditi Patel,

Urban Safari Rescue

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From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

Hi Aditi,

Thanks for your email, but I’m afraid this must be a mistake. I don’t have a pet. I’ve never owned a pet. I don’t even like petting pets.

Also: why is the pet wearing a monocle?

Regards,

Arjun Kapoor.

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From: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

Dear Mr. Kapoor,

Oh, we understand. It's fairly common for owners to be in denial after separation. Pet-parent trauma is very real.

But make no mistake: Bartholomew is yours.

He responded immediately when we played the audio file labeled “Arjun’s 3am Voice Notes (Do Not Open).” He became visibly emotional during the one about the oreo cookie and the moon.

Also, his monocle prescription matches the optometry records linked to your name.

We await your arrival.

Warmly,

Aditi.

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From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

Aditi.

I’m not sure what kind of scam this is, but it’s extremely elaborate and actually concerning. I do not have a pet. I have never recorded 3 am voice notes about cookies. And I have definitely never filled a prescription for a monocle.

Please check again.

Best,

Arjun (still not a pet owner)

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From: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

We respect your hesitance.

Bartholomew is, after all, a Capybara of incredible sensitivity. He has refused to eat the gourmet mango chutney without your presence.

This morning, he typed “:/” on a nearby keyboard and stared at us for six minutes.

If not for you - then at least come for him. He needs you.

Aditi.

__________________________________________

From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

Okay. Two questions:

1. Are you telling me I own a capybara named Bartholomew who wears a monocle and eats mango chutney?

2. HOW DID YOU GET MY 3AM VOICE NOTES???

Arjun.

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From: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

So they are your voice notes! We knew you’d come around.

To answer:

1. Yes. And he’s very picky about his chutney. You would know better of course.

2. Bartholomew was logged into your Apple account and had access to your “Private Journal – Audio Edition” playlist. It is, quite frankly, moving. We are now big fans.

Pick-up anytime between 10am–4pm. We’ve cleaned the monocle.

Warmly,

Aditi.

__________________________________________

From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

Subject: Re: URGENT: We’ve Found Your Pet

Aditi,

I am now certain this is a scam. I just don’t understand what kind. But whatever kind of scam it may be, I am not interested in participating. I hope you find the rightful owner of a possibly non-existent capybara. Please do not contact me again.

Yours,

Arjun.

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Subject: Operation Reawaken: Active

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Handler,

Memory triggered successfully. Voice notes accessed. Identity re-established.

They still believe I’m a lost pet. I’m being housed in a brightly decorated enclosure with something called a “snuggle sock” and a laminated sign that says “Sir Cuddlesworth.” Disrespectful, but useful cover.

The primary target is Aditi. She appears friendly, disarming. Possibly head of operations. Smiles often. Too often.

Ajay is the silent one. He watches from a distance. I suspect he is an enforcer. Possibly armed.

Will proceed with caution. Recommend limited contact until extraction or confirmation of intel breach.

Awaiting directives.

-B

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Subject: Re: Operation Reawaken: Active

From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

Barth,

Welcome back.

Maintain cover. Use the “snuggle sock” if necessary. Emotional manipulation may be part of their conditioning protocols.

Focus on the following:

Schedule patterns – When do Aditi and Ajay rotate shifts? Who controls the keys?

Food sources – What’s in the mango chutney?

Basement access – If it exists, it’s below the koi pond. Classic misdirection.

Also: Do not let Aditi touch your nose again. That’s how they control you.

Send updates encrypted. Use Fruit Protocol if risk increases.

-A

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Subject: Fruit Protocol Code: Peach

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Peach = Unusual kindness + proximity to kettle.

Aditi offered me a “spa day.” This included brushing, cucumber water, and soft jazz. All highly suspicious. She used phrases like “You deserve to relax” and “What a gentle gentleman.”

I suspect these are possible psychological operations to break my defenses. I pretended to fall asleep to avoid interrogation.

Also: overheard Ajay on the phone. Said, “We might feature Bartholomew in next week’s Spotlight.” On Aditi’s desk I found a doc file named project capybara. Something is happening.

My guess : They’re planning to relocate me. Possible location : black site or a high security compound. Possibly Mumbai.

Recommend extraction or sabotage.

-B

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Subject: Re: Fruit Protocol Code: Peach

From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

Understood.

They’re moving fast. You’ll need to stay in place for now. We can’t risk a failed exfiltration during daylight hours (or while you’re wrapped in a towel).

Re: Mumbai is unlikely. Records show Aditi doesn’t have jurisdiction outside Pune city limits. But still: be ready.

Use Operation Blanket Nest if cornered.

If Ajay offers you banana chips, you’ll know they’ve made contact with Central Records.

Stay vigilant. Trust no one under five feet tall.

-A

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Subject: Secondary Code Triggered: Banana

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Banana = Unclear symbolism + mild confusion.

They hosted a birthday party today. Not mine.

Ajay wore a paper hat. I was handed a party blower and a dog named Sprinkles tried to kiss me. There was cake. Everyone sang “Happy Barkday” to a spaniel.

Could be a misfire. Could be an attempt to publicly shame me, reducing my credibility before the transfer.

I’ve started stashing towels in strategic corners. They think I’m “quirky.” Good.

Tell me what you see from the outside. If they post anything online, decode it.

Especially if it involves hats.

-B

__________________________________________

Subject: Status Check?

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Handler,

No response to Banana Protocol. Unusual. Concerning.

I’m initiating soft pings across alternate channels. Please confirm receipt.

Sprinkles suspects something. She keeps looking at me like she knows.

Awaiting further instructions.

—B

__________________________________________

Subject: Handler, Please Respond

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Arjun,

I’ve searched the koi pond. No hatch. No stairs. Just koi. One bit me.

Ajay gave me banana chips. I froze. He just smiled.

Something’s off. And you’re not answering.

Are you compromised? Are we compromised?

Say something.

—B

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Subject: Emergency Protocol Inquiry

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

I’m sorry if I failed.

Did I go soft? Did I believe too much in the spa day?

Was the birthday party a test? Was Sprinkles a plant?

I’ve started pacing up and down the room. They think it’s adorable. It’s despair.

Please, Arjun. I need orders. I need you.

—Barth

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Subject: I don’t want to be a pet

From: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

They knitted me a scarf. It says “Mr. SnuggleBoss.”

I think I smiled. I think I liked it.

That’s no way for an agent to react. Something is happening to me. Please don’t leave me here.

Please.

—B

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Subject: Final Assignment

From: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

To: bartholomew.capy@gmail.com

Barth,

I’m sorry for the silence. It wasn’t a malfunction. It was the mission. Your final mission.

You’ve served longer than most agents twice your size. Twelve ops across four continents. One time you stopped a political incident using only a harmonica and your gaze.

But this… this was always the final assignment. To stop being an agent. To start being a capybara.

They love you there. I’ve been watching through the shelter’s cameras. You’ve made Sprinkles laugh. You sleep like you’ve never slept before.

My finest agent deserves the finest life. Embrace it fully.

I want you to be free. I wanted to make sure someone would love you without knowing what you’ve done. That someone is Aditi. That place is your home now. Project Capybara were the documents for her to legally adopt you.

I’ll always be grateful to you.

This was your final op, Barth. And you completed it perfectly. All lines will be terminated and you will not be able to find me anymore.

Have a great life agent.

With love,

Arjun.

__________________________________________

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Subject: Re: One Last Thing :)

From: lostandfound@urbansafarirescue.org

To: a.kapoor96@gmail.com

Hi Arjun,

Apologies again for the mix-up last month. I just wanted to reach out one last time to let you know – we’ve decided to formally adopt Bartholomew!

We’re so happy he found us. He’s unlike any animal I’ve ever met. My little brother made him a tiny detective hat, and he actually wore it. It’s like he knew it was his style.

He’s also been… unusually expressive? He built what we think is a nest out of enrichment towels and alphabet blocks that spell out “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” (Ajay swears it was unintentional but honestly, it was kind of poetic).

Also, he’s started “mentoring” a younger puppy named Sprinkles. They nap side-by-side. It’s very dignified.

Either way. Thank you. Something tells me you had a big part in all of this. Whether you accept it or not, thanks for letting him come home.

With warmth (and whiskers),

Aditi

Urban Safari Rescue