To Wish For

"So what's the catch?" 

I had summoned a genie trapped within this stone lamp about the wishes being offered. "You have three wishes," the genie said. "But there is always a catch." I was curious, and the lamp looked old. It had been in my family for generations. Maybe it was time to see what it could do. "What is the catch?" I asked. "There are always rules," the genie said. "And this one is no different."

"What are the rules?"

“Oh you know the usual, 3 wishes.” He pulls a pair of glasses out of thin air and puts them on.

"You can only use your wishes for yourself," the genie said. "You cannot wish something for someone else." I paused and thought about what he had said. "That sounds fair enough," I replied. "But what do you mean by 'for myself?'" I asked. "Are you saying that I can't wish for my sister to be happy or that everyone in the world gets along?" The genie chuckled. "No," he said, "I'm saying that if you wish for something like that, it won't happen." His words were confusing me. I didn’t know what else to say. "I don't understand," I said. "What do you mean?" The genie smiled and said, "If you wish for something like that, it won’t happen. It's very simple." 

I started to understand it a little. “Any more rules?” I said. “Of course there’s more. Why wouldn’t there be more?” the genie said condescendingly. I don’t like being spoken down to, but given that I’m receiving 3 magical wishes, I can swallow some pride.

Twirling his finger the genie says “Of course there’s no killing anyone, it’s not that I don’t condone death, but if you want someone dead you’ll have to wish for something to kill with.” I’m not a psychopath. While there are people I dislike, I don’t hate them enough to commit murder.

The genie continues to say “Also, making others fall in love with you is a huge no. Not only is it creepy, it removes all the fun of romance.” Makes sense, I wouldn’t want to erase someone's autonomy just because I’m lonely. 

Though I did start to think about how I could use love-type wishes to my advantage “Could I wish for a romantic setting? The perfect date or something?” 

Rubbing his little goatee the genie says “You could, but who would the perfect date be for? For you or the person you’re trying to date. Plus, there is no guarantee that ‘perfect date’ would involve you.”

“Huh?” Confusion rushed in again, was he trying to trick me? Genies are known for it, but he seems like a straightforward guy. Or do they all put up an act.

The genie slapped his forehead “What I mean is, that person could have a crush on someone else that’s stronger than their feelings for you. Or like a celebrity crush. You wish for the perfect date, could mean you are at an amusement park with Emmy award winner Zendaya.”

I was even more confused by the example. “Wait, you who Zendaya is?”

“Of course I know. I’m a genie, not uncultured.” the genie said defensively.

“Fine. Is there anything else I should know? What about your lamp?”

The genie seemed surprised about the inquiry. “Oh, well that’s actually interesting.” It looks like in his millennia of life no one has dared, or at least cared to ask about his home.

“After every wish, I retreat back into my lamp. I need at least 12 hours to recharge my magic.” So whatever wish that was made the user would have to live with it for at least 12 hours, that is if it was stupid wish. 

“Not that you would wish for this, but don’t try to wish for an extra genie or another magic lamp. I will return to the lamp and you’ll get no wishes. My lamp will disappear from your hands as a result. I can’t tell you how many ‘geniuses’ wasted their lives finding me only to wish for that.” 

The genie would go on saying “Seriously, imagine spending your whole life believing in mystical nature. Using all of your time, money and resources to find a mythical lamp. Also thinking that you have the smartest wish that anyone has ever made. Only to be told ‘no deal’ and disappear. Poof!” A small puff of pink smoke came from his hands to further illustrate how dumb of a wish this was. “Ahhh, the 80’s were a different time. We used Pixie Dust like it was candy.” The genie laughed as he was reminiscing to a seemingly more enjoyable time for him. 

“So, with all that said, I ask you, my new master. What is your first wish?”

It was a lot to take in. The genie. The wishes. What to wish for. What not to wish for. The 80’s.

I thought for a moment and asked, "Then what can I wish for?" The genie smiled and said, "Anything." I was confused all over again. All of this talk about wishes was baffling me. I decided to ask for something small, just so I could understand what genies do. "Okay," I said, "I wish that you would take me home." The genie smiled and said, "Your wish is granted." And with that, we were gone.

The next thing I know, I feel the wind rush all over my face. The genie was wearing a french beret. "I wished to go home." The genie floats around me nonchalantly stating "I did send you home. So, welcome home!"

If the genie had a physical form I would strangle him.

"What do you mean, welcome home?!" I said. The genie made a twisted smile as he told me “What I mean is, someone in your specific genealogy, ha, that’s funny. Anyway, one of your ancestors originated from this region before this was Paris. So technically, welcome to your home of origin.”

“”But I have a house in…” Before I could finish my thought the genie was pulled back into his lamp.

“12 hours, remember?! Enjoy the mon ami.” And just like that, he was gone, and I was stranded. 

Needless to say I wasn’t enjoying my first wish.