"Know What I Mean?"

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean ‘what do I mean?’”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Nope.”

“Quit it.”

“You totes know, man, quit it.”

“Who are you?”

“Yeah, who are you?”

“I’m a third guy.”

“Oh, nonono—” 

“A third guy? Yeah, absolutely not.”

“This is gonna get way too complicated with three guys.”

“Yeah, seriously convoluted. Get outta here.”

“Fine. Whatever. You guys aren’t even that interesting to talk to anyway.”

“Wow, rude much.”

“I know, right. Who just butts into other people’s conversations like that?”

“Rude people, that’s who.”

“Exactly. Now, what were just you and I talking about?”

“No idea.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“Did he say ‘totes?’”

“Yeah, I think he did.”

“That’s so weird.”

“It totes is.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Can’t believe what?”

“That I’m talking to the worst person in the world.”

“Can’t be.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause I’m talking to him right now.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Okay, you know what—”

“Ow!”

“You deserved it.”

“That hurt. You know I bruise like a peach.”

“You’ll be fine. Like I said, you deserve it, and you need a little bit of toughening up.”

“Look, it’s already happening.”

“What is?”

“The bruise!”

“Where?”

“Right there! Right where you hit me, just like I told you it would.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, see.”

“That’s honestly, like, impressive.”

“You know what, I never thought of it that way.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t say thank you.”

“No need. I know you feel it in your heart.”

“Gross.”

“What do you wanna do now?”

“I dunno. Guess we should probably start talking about something else now that we’re in the middle bit.”

“The middle what?”

“Hey, you ever see that movie with that guy who does that thing?”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“A ‘guy’ who does a ‘thing?’”

“Yeah.”

“That’s literally every movie ever.”

“Not every movie ever.”

“Yes, every movie ever. When is it never a guy doing a thing?”

“Sometimes it’s a girl doing stuff.”

“Wow. Really got me there.”

“Yeah, told ya. Anyway, this movie I saw about this guy – he has this car, or he gets this car from some other guy I think? And he drives it really fast and then he meets this girl—”

“Seems like a boring movie.”

“It wasn’t!”

“Then why can’t you remember any useful details?”

“I remember useful details.”

“Really? What were the names of some of these obviously riveting and distinct characters?

“Uhhh…”

“Wow, dude.”

“Shut it.”

“You’re terrible at this.”

“I’m trying here.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“I wasn’t even done yet and now I can’t remember where I left off ‘cause you so rudely interrupted me.”

“Okay, let me see if I can help – there was a guy.”

“Right! Yeah, okay, so at some point he goes to this school dance, but he doesn’t, like, actually go to the school, but he plays this awesome song on his guitar and it’s actually a really cool scene and probably my favourite part of the whole movie.”

“What song does ‘guy’ play?”

“Shut it.”

“You said that already.”

“Shut. It. Anyway, by the end he drives the car really fast again, and then the other guy shows up and then the movie starts all over again. Or something.”

“Spoilers.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“Whatever. Guess it doesn’t matter because I’ll literally never be able to find this so-called ‘awesome’ movie. Weird idea for an ending, though.”

“Yeah, I was kinda confused.”

“You certainly sound like it.”

“Hey—”

“Wait, you see that thing over there?”

“Quit interrupting me!”

“Seriously, look!”

“Where?”

“Over there!”

“I don’t see anything.”

“It’s right there!”

“Dude.”

“Honest! Over there! That-that thing! Of notable size and colour! It’s just so interesting, look!”

“Oh, yeah… Sure. I think I see what you’re saying.”

“Right? Man, wouldn’t it have sucked to miss out on that thing?”

“I guess so.”

“I just mean, look at it! How it moves and interacts with other things, the way it exists around and among the things like and unlike it. Just incredible.”

“Well, I mean, it’s not that cool.”

“No no no, it’s totally cool. Possibly the coolest thing to ever thing.”

“I feel like you’re making fun of me.”

“Never! It’s just so indescribably cool! Like so cool I might forget every interesting detail about it by tomorrow!”

“You are making fun of me.”

“Maybe just a little.”

“You’re the worst.”

“Maybe.”

“Yeah, you totally are. Whatever. Were almost at the end anyway.”

“The end of what? What are you even saying?”

“I wonder how they’ll do it.” 

“How they’ll do what? Who’s ‘they?’”

“Could do a cliffhanger, or leave it a little ambiguous…”

“I will hit you again if you keep saying weird stuff.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You say ‘yeah’ too much.”

“Yeah. It’s one of my only noticeable characteristics in this story since they’re no dialogue tags.”

“No what?”

“Or anything else, I guess. No real descriptions, no imagery. I don’t even know what you look like. I don’t even know what I look like. It’s just you and me, talking ‘bout nothing—ow!”

“I warned you. What story?”

“What?”

“You said ‘this story.’”

“Did I?”

“Yeah, you did.”

“Hey, ‘yeahs’ are my thing.”

“Shut up.”

“Look who’s being rude. Again. That must be your biggest characteristic. I’m lovable and charming and say ‘yeah’ a lot, and you’re rude.”

“I’m not being rude. You’re being annoying.”

“Rude.”

“What did you mean by story?”

“Oh, yeah. This is a story.”

“This?”

“Yeah, all of this. You, me, that third guy from way earlier. We’re all just a story.”

“But we’re just talking. Nothings even happening.”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a pretty boring story if you ask me.”

“Nobody did.”

“Especially that whole thing you had about the movie with the ‘guy’ who did ‘some stuff.’”

“You’re doing it again.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“What’s not to get?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean ‘what do I mean?’”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do…”