Linca

Day 1:  I’m so excited. This is going to be epic. My bosses at Genx have chosen me to beta test the female android.  Her name is Linca, and their goal is to make her more human than human. Think of the movie Bladerunner, but, you know, happier. She moves just like a human — none of the herky-jerky movements like old-timey robots. Smooth, like a real person. She looks great, too. You can’t even tell she’s a machine! Her synthetic skin looks and feels real. And it has imperfections, just like human skin. Her hair, her eyes, her teeth all look human because they are not quite perfect either, which lends to her authenticity. She’s not a stunning beauty, or plastic-fake, like someone who’s had too many visits to the plastic surgeon. No, she just looks like a fit, thirty-something person. You know, blue eyes, blond hair, fair skin. If I had to pigeon-hole her ethnicity, I’d say she looks like she’s of northern European heritage, maybe Nordic.

 She has some pretty human needs, as well. She does have to shower and wash her hair (which grows!), but she doesn’t have to toilet. Strangely, she is programmed to pretend to go to the bathroom between six and eight times a day, just to fit in. Also, because she’s an android, she doesn’t need to eat or drink. But she can. Going out with friends is a big part of being a social human being. She’s even programmed to get a bit tipsy if she drinks alcohol. To accommodate anything that she has ingested, she has a holding tank installed in her leg with a button on her foot to empty.

Genx has been trying to create androids that can pass as human. I’m not sure why. But for right now we have to debug Linca to see if she’s ready for the real world. My job is to be Linca’s “friend” and hang out with her, but still evaluate how human she is.  

I went over her operating system, and all of the failsafes. Her memory includes a number of preloaded experiences, and skills, like showering and personal hygiene, cleaning a house (yes!), cooking, riding a bike, swimming, driving a car, shopping, and exercising. She speaks and reads about 130 different languages, but she’s programmed for English as her default language. She can also write, but is quite limited in her imagination, so no great novels right now. But, she is self-aware, and that allows her AI to build upon her imagination, using a cause-and-effect type of learning which will expand her ability to be creative and fantasize .

Because this will be a real world, in-the-field beta test, Linca will be moving into my apartment with me. This should be okay. I have an extra bedroom She doesn’t actually sleep; more like powers down for the night. I just have to say, “Good night, Linca,” and she walks to a corner, and plugs herself in. Easy-peasy, right?  

Part of my job is to put her into social situations. She’s supposed to meet my friends and introduce herself to strangers. She has a preprogrammed backstory that we went to university together, and Genx just hired her, so she’s staying with me until she can get a place of her own.

I’m so excited about this — it should be amazing!

Day 1, later: Okay, everything’s good, so far. Because she knows how to drive, the company gave us a car. Apparently someone didn’t think to check Linca’s units setting, because she’s programmed for MPH, and the speed limit is in KPH. I’ve never driven 100 miles per hour in the city before. It was a bit of a white-knuckler, but the car’s AI jumped in and slowed us down. Another weird behaviour was Linca’s constant yelling at other drivers. She actually shot one guy the finger. Whoever programmed her driving skills was a bit aggressive. I’m going to have to check on that.

Once we got home, we put Linca’s stuff away — she comes with enough clothes for thirty days, make-up and personal grooming products. She still has to brush her teeth, comb her hair, use moisturizer — all the things a real person has to do. I put all of her stuff in my second bedroom, and we’ll share the bathroom.

I made dinner, and Linca watched. I told her about what I like to eat, and she’s going to make breakfast tomorrow morning. I can hardly wait!

Day 2: Well, it was a day. First, breakfast was supposed to be cereal and milk. But, Linca decided that I needed something more hardy, so after I woke her up — “Good morning, Linca” — and I went to have a shower and get ready for the day, she made me oatmeal. Now, I like oatmeal, but it wasn’t what I wanted this morning. Oh well, at least I didn’t have to make it myself.

I drove in to work today, because I’m not sure how to switch her from imperial to metric units, and we have to address the aggressiveness. Once at the office, the techs came and gave her a tune-up, and I’m hoping it’s going to solve our problems.

I had to finish a report, and decided to let Linca proofread the final draft, just to see what she would do. Apparently, Linca isn’t too fond of my syntax, and made a number of changes. It’s interesting that she feels she has the power to make the changes, skipping right past suggestion step.

Test number two was sending her to the cafeteria to get coffee and tea for the people I work with in my pod. So, I sent her, alone, but followed her downstairs and filmed her ordering and paying for the coffee. She nailed the order, but when she saw me filming her, she called me a creeper. I explained that I was filming her for the record. She told me that it was still creepy, and dumped my coffee in the garbage can. I told her that was not a nice thing to do, and she told me spying on her was not a nice thing to do, either.

After work she drove home — much better, but she did yell at an old lady crossing the road. I really have to talk to someone about her aggressiveness.

Once we got home I cooked dinner, and Linca cleaned up. A good deal for me. She did complain that I didn’t have rubber gloves, and told me that if I expected her to do the dishes in the future, I needed to get her the necessary equipment. The rest of the night we watched television. I let her chose what movie she wanted to watch, and she selected a documentary on the history of robotics. I can understand that.

It was in bed by ten-thirty.

Day 3: Last night I programmed Linca’s internal alarm to wake her up at six-thirty, so that she could have a shower and be finished in the bathroom by the time I get up at seven o’clock. At least that was the plan. Apparently, androids love long, steamy showers. It was almost seven-thirty when she finished. I explained to her that she needed to be finished by seven, so that I had enough time to get ready for work. Her response? “Whatever.”

When we got to work, I prepared for today’s simulation. The plan was for the five people in my group, plus Linca, and I to meet for lunch at a local restaurant. This was her first out-in-public experience. I was excited.

When we got to the restaurant, we were seated in a u-shaped booth at the back of the restaurant.  We all ordered drinks, and food. Drinks were wine or beer, to see how Linca responds to alcohol. Food was supposed to be from the lunch menu. Except Linca didn’t want anything from the lunch menu. Instead, she ordered from the dinner menu — a large Caesar salad followed by a steak and potatoes, followed by dessert and an aperitif. I was bit concerned because, well, she doesn’t actually need to eat or drink, so all the food’s wasted. And the cost. And, she chews with her mouth open. Ew. And she sent her steak back three time because it wasn’t cooked properly. How does she know it wasn’t cooked properly? She doesn’t have tastebuds!

But that wasn’t the biggest surprise. She sat between William and me. William is the project manager, in charge of Linca’s launch. Linca knows he’s her boss. He’s in his fifties, with a dad bod, a wife, and a couple of kids in university. For most of the lunch, Linca spoke only to William. She actually turned her back to me to focus on him. And, if I’m not mistaken, she was flirting with him. At one point, I noticed her stroking William’s arm. I’m going to have to check the tapes to make sure. And she got drunk. We had to almost carry her back to the office. She told William that they would have beautiful babies together. She’s an android! Androids don’t reproduce!

Day 4: Okay, Linca woke up with a hangover. How is that even possible? I don’t know what to say. But we’re moving on with the test. Today, we’re supposed to go shopping. Originally William was going to come with us, but I invited Naomi instead. Less sexual tension. Maybe a little girl-time is what Linca needs.

We went clothes shopping. Linca decided that she needed new boots. Not just any boots, but over the knee, three hundred dollar black leather boots. Naomi bought a pair of pumps, and I bought a pair of flats. Linca told me my shoes made me look fat. What is the matter with her? Next we went to a boutique to get something for a fancy work event next week. When we were trying on dresses, Linca seemed to bond with Naomi, which is great. They helped each other select the perfect dress for the event. Because Naomi had been to this event before, Linca asked her for her advice. They had a ball together! When I tried on a dress and came out to show them, Linca said, “You’re not going to wear that, are you?” When I asked her why not, she said, “You’re not sixteen anymore, Grandma.” Sigh.

While we were walking back to the office, Linca and Naomi walked ahead of me. Linca kept whispering to Naomi, and laughing. Later, when Linca left to “use” the bathroom, I asked Naomi what Linca was saying to her on the walk back. Apparently, Linca was mocking the way I dress. How rude!

When we got home, it was Linca’s turn to make dinner. We had decided on salad, fish, rice. Pretty easy stuff, right? While I was changing out of my work clothes, instead of starting dinner, Linca ordered Chinese food. When I asked her why, she told me that she didn’t feel like cooking. When I asked her who was going to pay for dinner, she said I was because androids don’t have money. She needs some serious fine-tuning on money matters.

Day 5: I woke up at three twenty-seven this morning to the sound of music. Linca was in the living room dancing around. I don’t know how that happened. I put her to bed at ten o’clock last night. She’s not supposed to be able to wake herself up.  

Day 5, before work: Linca’s driving has improved, but her attitude hasn’t. Today she got out of the car at a stop light, walked back and yelled at a guy for stopping too close to our bumper. Then she smiled, and asked him for his phone number. When I asked her why she did that, she told me that she noticed that the guy was cute. It’s like she’s aggressively promiscuous.  We’re supposed to go to a bar next Wednesday. I’m not sure that’s the best idea. I’ve got to talk to the programmers.

Day 5, mid-afternoon: Okay, is this some kind of joke? Linca was supposed to go do some photocopying. Instead she went into William’s office, and shut the door. When I followed her into the office, she was sitting on the edge of Willimam’s desk, on the side closest to him. She told me that this was a private meeting, and I wasn’t invited. William told her that I needed to be in the office with them. She looked at both of us, and said “Is that right? I don’t remember inviting her,” and walked out of the office. William and I discussed Linca’s attitude. I confessed that I don’t think she likes me. William pointed out that it’s not possible, that her AI is supposed to make her accepting of everyone. I’m not sure I agree.

Day 5, bedtime: So, I put Linca to bed, and just to make sure she stays there, I used the remote failsafe. She seems to be powered down. Thank God. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with her. When we got home, she told me that I had no right to barge into her meeting with William. I told her that, yes, I had every right to barge into the meeting because this is an observational beta test, and it’s my job. She then called me a bitch, and stomped off to her room. It’s like I’m living with a petulant teenager.

Day 6: So, today’s been horrible. After I woke Linca up, she told me I had no right to use the failsafe — where does she get this “no right” crap? It’s my job. She knows it’s my job.  

I told her that we’re going to go for a hike, and she told me that she’s not going for a hike. I told her that yes, we were going for a hike. She told me that I can’t make her go for a hike. She also reminded me that she’s considerably stronger than I am, and that I literally cannot make her go. I was a little dumbstruck by the implicit threat. So I asked her why she didn’t want to go for a hike. She told me if she wanted to march around the outdoors, she would have been a worker ‘droid. I said that it was a lovely day, and that she might enjoy seeing the more rural parts of town. She told me she could do that with Google Earth. So, I said please. Note: I shouldn’t have to beg an android to do what I want them to do.

Finally, after promising her that she could decide where to hike, we were good to go. Linca decided we should hike up the escarpment. When we were at the top, I was looking out at the valley below, and turned to ask Linca what she thought of the view. She was right behind me. I think she was going to push me off the ledge!!!!!! I asked her what she was doing, and she told me getting closer to have a better look. I’m not so sure. The look in her eyes was pretty evil.  

Can androids be psychopaths?

At home she started yelling at me because she thinks I’m trying to control her. It was pretty unnerving. She told me I was stupid. I looked at her, and she asked me what I was looking at. When I didn’t say anything. She grabbed a plant off the window ledge, smashed it on the floor, and said “I’m talking to you!” When I told her that that’s not the way that friends talk to each other, she told me that she wasn’t my friend. I told her to settle down, and she told me that I am not the boss of her, and that I should settle down. I said “Good Night Linca.” And she went to her room, and powered down. I engaged the failsafe.

I have serious concerns about Linca. I’m a little freaked out, and a lot scared. I’m not going to wake her up tomorrow, and I’m going to get the tech team to come here, first thing Monday morning. She scares me.

Day 7: I don’t know how, but she’s awake. She has taken my phone, my computer, and my tablet. I have no way to contact the outside world. She has cornered me in the bathroom. I’ve locked the door, but I know that won’t stop her. I’m truly afraid ...

“Good thing she wrote this by hand,” said Detective Ito, looking at the notebook. “We might never have known what happened.”

“Yeah. Too bad we didn’t know sooner,” said Detective Waits.

She looked around the ruined bathroom, past the destroyed door and broken glass, her gaze stopping at the toilet, where Janessa Bestrum’s body was visible — not her head, just her body. Her head had been stuffed into the bowl with enough force to break the bowl. It was, in fact, this act that had alerted the police. The tenant in the apartment below complained to the superintendent about the flooding, who called the police when no one answered his knock at Janessa’s door. When the police entered the apartment, they found her.

“So, we’re looking for an android?” Ito asked.

“Yup.”

“Isn’t this a little too Bladerunner 2049? Androids gone wild?”

“William Bungle is the project manager at Genx. He said that the android, Linca, has managed to erase itself from the record to avoid detection and it’s gone dark. We have no way to track it.”

“What does that mean?” Ito asked.

“It means that we have a violent, murderous android with the ability to travel in stealth mode, and assimilate into society, undetected.”

“Undetected?”

“Undetected.”

“Where would it go?”

“It don’t know. Maybe we should--”

Waits’s phone bleeped an incoming text. She looked down at the phone. It was William Bungle, the project manager.

Bungle: She’s here.