The Last Shoebox

It was nine in the morning on a Wednesday, and Theo had about lost his mind. He felt like he was losing his grip on reality, as he had been in quarantine for four whole weeks. The rise of the global pandemic was of serious business to Theo, and he didn’t waste time in deciding to self-isolate. He already had a slew of canned goods and frozen foods, so he didn’t need to run out to the stores where the shelves were bare. He already worked from home most of the week, so his boss didn’t care that he didn’t come into the office. All Theo had to do was get his work done, and then he could relax the rest of the day. 

But Theo was lonely, you see, because only one month before the worldwide crisis, he had a crisis of his own. Theo was set to get married to the love of his life, Eleanor. Everything was arranged, and he was very excited. But a week before their wedding, Eleanor was struck by a drunk driver when leaving work. She fought for three days, then passed four days before the wedding. Theo was shattered. He spent the next few days making funeral arrangements while his family canceled the wedding. The only things that couldn’t be refunded were the flowers. White lilies. Eleanor’s favorite. Instead of not using the flowers, Theo decided to have them used at the funeral. It was a sad Sunday afternoon. They would’ve been on their honeymoon. He felt miserable, especially when friends and family tried to console him. He wanted to get blackout drunk at the bar and never wake back up, but he knew it wouldn’t make things better. 

After four hours of mourning with friends and family, his brother-in-law met him after the service. Richard was a good friend, and an even better brother, and was even going to be Theo’s best man. 

“Hey man,” Richard said tenderly, “I know this day was rough for you.” Theo felt that was an understatement.

“I need to give you something. Eleanor was planning it to be a surprise for the...uh…” Richard trailed off before he said the W-word. He knew how much it hurt Theo.

“Anyways, she wanted me to give it to you then and I’m sure it’s what she wants now.” Richard started for his truck and Theo reluctantly followed. He didn’t know what to expect. Then Richard started to get into his truck and told Theo to get in with him. “I couldn’t bring it with to the service, so we’ll need to go back to my house to get it.” Intrigued, Theo hopped in the front seat and they left.

It had taken thirty minutes to get to Richard’s house, which meant thirty minutes of thinking about the gift Eleanor left behind. Of course, he was grateful that Richard had saved the gift for him, but Theo wished that Eleanor was the one giving it to him. As they pulled into the driveway, Richard’s wife came out with their two small twins, Alex and Lacey. As they got out of the car, the twins ran up to him and hugged his legs, “Hi Uncle Theo, we missed you!” Theo picked them up and squeezed them tightly. Richard’s wife, Lana, came and hugged him too, “We know it’s been a hard day, but I’ve made dinner and then we can give you your gift.” 

When Lana said gift, the two children got huge grins on their faces, and then turned and ran back inside. That left Theo even more intrigued than he already was.

After dinner, Richard stood up and announced, “It’s time for the gift. Alex, Lacey, come help me bring it all out.” The kids jumped out of their seats and ran into another room. They came back with a big gift bag, and when Theo looked inside he saw a collar, a leash, and a food bowl. He looked at Lana in confusion, and then Richard came back with a box. He set it down in front of him, and out popped a tiny beagle. White paws, black nose, and floppy brown ears, this puppy was perfect. Eleanor knew how much Theo wanted a dog. It was the most thoughtful gift he’d received in a long time. 

Theo spent that night playing with the puppy and excited children. When Richard drove him home, he asked, “So, what’s his name?” Richard replied, “Eleanor put his name on the collar for you. She wanted it to reflect your relationship with her.” Theo looked at the collar and saw the word, Amato. “She said it means ‘loved’ in Italian.” Eleanor was right, they were both loved by each other. 

As the days went on and the world fell apart, Theo began to feel better. But he had loneliness that no one could match. He loved Amato but he began to feel starved of human connection. It all came to a head when Amato kept bothering Theo while he was working. Amato was bored, gnawing on his pant leg while Theo was on an important call. Theo threw a pen down the hall, hoping Amato would chase it. He did, and as Theo hung up the phone, he heard a loud crash. He dashed to the bedroom, where he found Amato in his closet trying to get to a box that was now buried underneath a ton of closet clutter. Theo picked Amato up and looked at the box that he had been nibbling at. It was one of Eleanor’s old shoe boxes. Theo thought he had cleared out all her things, but that woman had more shoes than she knew what to do with. 

As he cleaned up the mess that Amato had made, he noticed that he had actually never seen the box before. He picked up the last of the clutter and sat down on the bed with the box. He felt somewhat drawn to the box as if it were pulling him by some invisible thread tied to his heart. He opened it and immediately was drawn into it by some magical force. 

He opened his eyes and he was back in his room, but this time something was different. The mess that had been his closet was gone, and so was Amato. He began to feel panicked, but then something happened that he never would have expected, and his heart stopped.

Eleanor walked in, and she was mad. She wasn’t one for yelling, but she sure was yelling now. “I just don’t understand why you couldn’t wash the dishes after I’d asked you to!” Theo stood up and tried to comprehend what was going on. “It’s not that difficult, you load the dishwasher and then unload it, Theodore. Or can you not be bothered to remember such menial tasks with your new job?” Theo looked up in shock. He had lived through this before. He went to touch Eleanor’s shoulder, and then someone else walked into the room. It was Theo, but two years younger. Theo stumbled back and heard himself continue the argument, “Look, I said I was tired. I just wanted to relax, which is what you need to do. You need to relax.” Theo looked back at Eleanor and saw the disgust and frustration written all over her face. “Do not tell me I need to relax,” she said in a dangerously low tone. “I work hard too, and I am only asking you to do one thing.” Then Theo heard himself say the words that he hated reliving. “Well, maybe if you don’t like it, you should leave! Actually, you only seem to have a problem with me, so I’ll leave!” Crying, Theo watched himself storm out of the room, slamming the door. He hated the person masquerading as himself. 

He turned to Eleanor. She seemed shocked. She began to cry, but when Theo tried to hug her and apologize, he passed right through her as if he were a ghost. Then the scene changed. It was now one year before Eleanor died. She came in holding Theo’s hand, dragging him to the bed. Theo definitely remembered this. The night after he’d proposed. His heart ached as he watched himself snuggle down with the woman who he knew would never be his wife. He wanted to stop in this moment forever, even though he knew it would hurt him. He missed her so much. Then the scene changed once more. It was Eleanor sitting in their bedroom at the desk, scribbling something down. Theo saw himself come into the bedroom, “Eleanor, it’s late. You’re going to be late for work tomorrow.” Theo realized this was the night before Eleanor died. He tried to stop himself from getting Eleanor to go to bed, hoping something would change, but it was no use. He was only reliving an excruciating memory.

Eleanor finished what she was writing, putting it away in a box...a shoebox? It was the same box that Theo found in the closet. Then something changed. Eleanor looked at Theo, the real Theo, right in his eyes. Too shocked to say a word, he listened to what she had to say, 

“Theo, things are going to change for us really soon. Marriage has its own trials that we’ve never had to face before. I want you to know that I love you so much. I am grateful for you every day. And I know you feel the same about me.”

The scene changed one last time, this time in black and white. It was Theo, alone in his room, sitting on his bed. There was nothing particularly memorable about the scene, but Theo would never be able to forget that night. The night Eleanor died was the loneliest night of his life. Then the scene went dark.

Theo came-to in his bedroom. He was crying. The box of letters Eleanor had written strewn across the floor. A letter for every fight, every good night, every happy and painful memory they shared. He looked up and cried out in agony. He missed her so much. The grief of her loss felt fresh and new. As he felt the familiar waves of anguish wash over him again, he felt something different. Amato had crawled into his lap and had fallen asleep. Then he remembered Richard and Lana. He remembered his entire family coming to support him through this loss. He remembered how wonderful it felt to have a gift from Eleanor, even after she was gone, and at that moment he knew. He knew he was going to be okay. Eleanor loved him, and at that moment, the thought was enough.  

“I love you too, Eleanor.”