All To See Was White

A women sits confined in a prison that bares no bars; shackled by her memories. A small window is her only escape, it offers just an obstructed view. Rhythmic movements so slight they go unseen move in and out of her body. The warmth of her breath collides with the brisk air and a ballet of tiny droplets move gracefully across the glass. 

Her interest was peeked. Who stands outside this window? 

A smokey aberration appears yet again. The scenery was one without beginnings or endings, no direction for her eye to wonder. All to see was white. Do these shadowy obstructions herald a warning? “Spectator beware, what lies beneath is your gateway into madness”.

Charlotte jerked in surprise as the screeching kettle demanded her attention. She quickly moved the kettle off of the heat source and poured the water into her teacup. A hot cup of tea was like a warm electric blanket for her soul; it was soothing. She sat sipping while partaking in another indulgence, consuming as many scones as physically possible. She glanced over at the cuckoo clock; she only needed to endure a few more minutes of this silence. The naked loneliness creeping from within her would soon be shrouded by motherhood.

She appeared to be the sole caregiver for her girls as of late. Their father, her husband, was three weeks into a six week winter drill. His unit had been sent north, where the fierce Alaskan conditions became an ideal location to teach them survival skills. She logically knew her husband had no control over the duration of these training expeditions, but emotionally she blamed him for leaving her alone in this wintery prison. Charlotte continued to sip her tea as she thought about her husband. She missed him more then she ever thought possible. 

“He’ll be back soon enough, won’t he?” 

This worrisome thought kept trying to claw its way to the surface, scratching and looking for any cracks to take hold. Charlotte shook away the uneasy feeling and put her dishes in the sink. She stared out the window for a moment, watching the snow drift across the sky. All to see was white… or was it? 

The cuckoo clock struck twice; time to wake up the babies. Charlotte walked upstairs and headed for the girl’s bedroom. She stood watching them sleep. As her eyes filled with tears, Charlotte began to smile. No words could describe this unbreakable bond she felt for her children.They represented every thing good and right in her world. Their existence brought meaning to her life. Her smile turned to laughter as she remembered the time an entire inflatable ball pit made its way down stairs. A barrage of colorful balls bouncing and racing to the finish line, orchestrated by a pair of giggling toddlers.

“Ok girls, time to get up. Let’s go have a snack and do some drawings for daddy.”

Charlotte held there hands as she helped them down the stairs. They were talking her ear off; so many stories to share. These “little monsters” as Charlotte lovingly called them had been her only conversational stimulation. She would carry on with the girls, never quite knowing what they were saying but enjoying it nonetheless. They made their way into the bathroom for a quick potty break. Charlotte made sure all accidents were forgiven and gave them each a sticker for effort. With a quick wash of their hands snack time commenced. The girls loved gold fish crackers; it basically was an edible toy that made a satisfying crunch between their newly erupted teeth. Charlotte gave them each their own plastic cup full of those little orange fish and headed for the living room.

The three sat on the floor next to the coffee table, scribbling with crayons and drawing pictures while munching on their snack. Their fun was interrupted by a creaking sound coming from the small door under the staircase. The three abruptly looked up over at this little door, first out of curiosity then out of fear. 

The little door continued to creak as it slowly opened all the way. Charlotte had never paid much attention to this door, other then calling it an unusually small space that seemed too odd for a door. Now, however, she was giving it her undivided attention, and hoped she didn’t look as scared as she felt. She stood up and thought, “This is really weird. How did that door open?” 

She walked over to the door and bent down on her knees. After wiping a few cobwebs from the door frame, Charlotte peered into the opening but couldn’t see anything other than darkness. There was a strong fragrance of flowers. She vaguely recognized the odor only because it instantly made her feel safe. The scent was so powerful that she began to sneeze. What followed was just too freaky for Charlotte to make sense. With each sneeze she heard what sounded like someone saying, “Bless you”.

Charlotte sat wide eyed and ready to scream, but quickly thought about her girls. Her heart was pounding and it felt like it had moved into her throat. Still, she felt an overwhelming sensation of security. The way you do when you go home for the first time after a really long time. The moment your mother hugs you and you know you're safe. Her panic retreated. Her daughters began to giggle from behind her and talk jibber-jabber while pointing at the opening. They were jumping up and down and clapping their hands. Charlotte continued to relax as she felt a tickle of warmth washing over her. 

There was a ray of sunshine coming from deep inside. The light illuminated a small rugged pathway that seem to go on forever. This space, once odd and without purpose, was now full of possibilities and even magical. Charlotte looked at her girls and smiled; she took a deep breath filling her lungs with their innocence. She looked back at the pathway and for a second she thought,

“Don’t go in there, stay here with your girls!”

She brushed it away, and walk over to her babies and reached down for their little hands. “Let’s go check this out. Maybe something wonderful is in there.”

The three crawled through the door and down the small path until they made their way out to the other side. There everything looked enormous they were surrounded by thick green blades of grass and the largest trees anyone could have imaged. The wonderful aroma of sweet nectar filled the air and what looked like giant butterflies and bumble bees were zipping high above. 

“Hi there, you guys made it!” A beautiful fairy floated slightly above the girls and smiled down at them. 

Charlotte’s brain was on a roller coaster of questions. “Who are you?… What are you?… Where are we?”

“Wow that is a lot of questions! Well I’m Meloo, one of many fairies that live here in Dax, the land of rolling hills.” replied the fairy, with a smile.

Still confused, Charlotte replied, “Ok, I’ll play along. So what are my girls and I doing here…in fairy land?”

Meloo laughed and said, “Ah right to the point.” Meloo’s smile quickly faded. “Well, honestly, we desperately need your help. My mission was to gather you girls and take you deep into our land. The fairies in our land are sick and some have died from an illness we’ve never seen before.”

Charlotte scratched her head as she looked around. “Well as terrible as that sounds I’m not sure what we can do.”

“You three share a bond that is more special than you realize That’s all I can say for now. Once we get to Dax, all your questions will be answered, I promise.”

The fairy looked at Charlotte’s daughters and began to speak gibberish, seemingly explaining to them what she had just told their mother. The girls were absolutely starstruck by Meloo so Charlotte let her guard down a bit. Meloo blew a large bubble around her guests and gently lifted it off the ground. The three hitchhikers stumbled a bit and began to laugh. 

Meloo chuckled and said, “It’ll probably be safer if you girls sit down and hold on to each other. The ride might get a little bumpy but the bubble will not pop until I tell it to.” 

There was a strong gust of wind that grabbed the bubble from Meloo’s hand and propelled the girls forward. The four set off for the land of rolling hills with help from the prevailing winds. Charlotte held her girls close to her as they sat inside the sphere. There was a familiarity about this that she couldn’t shake. As they continued to soar through the air, Charlotte had a fleeting memory. She was looking out her car window and singing, “The Wheels on the Bus” with her husband and her girls. They were heading… somewhere…the memory was gone.

“This is definitely no bus,” Charlotte thought. “Weird I can’t remember where we were going.”

She shrugged her feeling of unease away as she absorbed the view. 

It was breathtaking. There was green everywhere, extending high into the air and covering every square inch of the ground below. The air had what look like large snowflakes fluttering all around, but upon further inspection, Charlotte realized it was the fluff from dandelion flowers. 

Another sense of familiarity washed over her. She could see herself running with her girls in a field full of dandelions. They were at a park, having a picnic. Her husband had made his famous egg salad sandwiches; famous for its ability to render farts. She remembered thinking what an absolutely gorgeous day it had been. Though, there was something more to it; important somehow. The memory faded.

The four continued soaring up and down, tilting left and right until eventually the pace began to slow. Charlotte could see off in the distance, layers and layers of hills, as soon as one ended another one began.

“I take it this is the land of rolling hills?” 

Meloo winked and nodded her head. “Welcome to Dax.”

Here in Dax the color palette was plentiful. There were various shades of every color in the rainbow. The beauty brought a tear to Charlotte’s eyes as she sat staring and thinking what a stark contrast this was to her world so full of white.

Their travels soon ended as they made their way up a large tree that stood in the center of the valley of hills. Charlotte felt like they were riding a very smooth rollercoaster as they followed the curvature of the trees’ many branches. 

Charlotte again had a sense of deja vu. This place and all its lights, reminded her of a trip she had taken with her now husband. They went to New York City, right before college, as a last hurrah. They spent a week there going to Broadway shows, eating lots of great food and just enjoying each others company. That is where she fell in love; her best friend became her soul-mate. 

Charlotte was getting more and more upset as she thought about her husband and confused by this reaction. 

“Why am I feeling so sad, those were happy times.”

An image flashed in front of her, it was the view from her window. A man stood off in the distant beckoning her over.

“Why can’t I see his face?… All I see is white.”

She was becoming more upset and nauseous as waves of memories washed over her, jumbling images from her past with images of now. For a moment she almost thought she heard her mother’s voice calling her name and she thought, 

“Maybe this was a mistake after all, but that voice again…it calls to me somehow.” 

They hovered over a large flat knot on the tree branch which appeared to be some sort of platform for them to land on. Meloo snapped her fingers and the bubble popped from around the girls. Charlotte quickly checked over her babies, hugging and kissing them while making sure they were ok. Once she was satisfied they were all fine, she looked over at Meloo and asked. 

“So now what?”

Meloo directed them off the platform towards an opening within one of the branches. She told them they would meet Kowrah, the eldest fairy in Dax. Charlotte held her little girls hands as they walked into yet again another dark opening leading them towards the unknown.

As Charlotte made her way through the opening she could hear her mother’s voice calling her name again. This time her mother sounded very close by and she could smell those flowers again… or was that perfume? 

They continued walking down the narrow passageway until Charlotte saw a bright white light coming from ahead. She stopped and paused. Her breathing was increasing in intensity as she stood staring at that white light. Charlotte looked down at both her beautiful little girls and began to cry. 

“No… No… NOOOOO!” 

A flood of fragmented memories hit her like a freight train. These images of her babies, her husband and herself were tearing her heart into many painful pieces. Her family was dead. There was that voice…louder…and louder…

”Charlotte,” it called out. “Blink your eyes if you understand me.”

Charlotte blinked and a tear ran down her face. Her mother wiped it away and yelled out to Dr. Carroll.

“Dr.Carroll!, Dr. she’s awake, she understands me!”

Charlotte sat in a wheel chair staring out a large window in her hospital room. Her view unobstructed now. She could see a man walking away as he held her daughters hands.

All to see was white…or was it?