Climbing the Ranks of the Third Grade

The lunchroom is always so loud. I go to a pretty small school, so it’s surprising how much noise a little bit of students are able to make. Everyone’s either playing games, jumping around, or yelling across the room about the funny thing the kid sitting next to them just did. Despite how much they all talk, I can't seem to find out what makes some of them cool and popular. It must be something unspoken, or maybe an exclusive club they’re a part of. I barely talk though. I just eat my lunch and laugh when everyone else is laughing, even when I don’t know what they’re laughing at. The girls sitting across from me are always gossiping about something, but today the most popular one, Sasha, gave me the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Mara, are those Jolly Ranchers?” she asked excitedly.

“Yeah” I responded nervously. I’m not scared of these girls, I was just shocked one of them called my name.

“Those are my favorite! Can I have one pleaseee?” she asked. Sasha loved dragging her words like that, and those words felt like they were dragging across my brain. I hate sharing, and I especially hate sharing my candy. Mom only packs me two Jolly Ranchers. Giving one to Sasha would make me feel like a pushover, but if I didn't share, I can kiss my social life goodbye.

As she stared at me with her big-shiny-popular-girl eyes, I got the best idea. I’m not just going to give Sasha my candy and gain nothing from it. I’m going to use my Jolly Ranchers to climb the ranks of the third grade.

—

They all act so unaware of it, but I know that there’s a hierarchy of some sort. I know lots of big words like “hierarchy” because I’m really good at ELA, reading, and writing. I’ve won two school spelling bees, and last month Ms. Laney said I wrote the best paragraph in our class.

I’m pretty smart, like Smart Guy. He’s the one who gave me the idea to climb the ranks in the first place. I don’t know his real name, but he’s a character from the show my mom watches after dinner. It's a boring grownup show and I don’t care about it, but one day when I asked Mom what was happening she explained, “Well this guy works for a big business. He acts like he’s kissing the feet of the Big Boss Guy, but he’s really just using everyone so that he can climb the ranks of his workplace to gain power and money”.

“What do you mean ‘he’s kissing his feet’?” I asked.

“It’s like- how do I say it… It’s like he’s giving the people above him what they want and telling them what they wanna hear” she said while still looking at the tv screen. “Anyways, he’s playing it smart,” she said while turning to look at me, “kind of like when I got a promotion at work, that’s climbing the ranks. Getting better roles so you can get more respect and higher pay”.

“I know what ‘climbing the ranks’ means already” I said, but sounded kinda mean when I said it.

“Okay now go to bed” she said while turning back to her show and shooing me away with her hand. She does that every night when I’m asking her questions, and she always explains things I already know. I’m smart, I don’t need that.

I’ve been seeing Smart Guy in my dreams, and he tells me a bunch of smart things.

“You don’t have to worry about making these people your friends. You have to make them think that you're their friend, and that will get you places” he said while pacing around the conference room in my dream last night. He uses one of those sticks with a hand on it —the kind you can get from the book fair— to point at the presentation on the screen behind him. “You think I care about the Big Boss Guy, no, I’m using him so that I can take his place. In your case, you don’t have to take the place of anyone, but you should use them so that you can have the advantages that come with being popular”.

—

I could spin this situation with Sasha in my favor. So I gave her the Jolly Rancher, but not without sparking up a conversation.

“They’re my favorite too, my mom gives me two every day” I said.

“Luckyyy. My mom doesn’t give me candy for school” she responded while opening the wrapper. Yes, she said something back! And it wasn’t just an “okay”, she’s actually conversing with me outside of group work for class.

“I’ve never had Jolly Ranchers before because my mom said I can choke, can I have one too?” asked Aubrie in a whiny voice. Before I could even answer, Olivia chimed in.

“Can I get one too?” she asked.

“I only have one more” I responded in a way that I knew would trigger a battle to the death. Okay, not that dramatic, but it felt that intense for me.

“I asked first!” Aubrie said loudly as if she was entitled to the Jolly Rancher. It’s like I don’t have the option to keep it for myself anymore.

“But I always wanted to try it!” Olivia responded quickly.

“Aubrie did ask first” I said while looking at Olivia, “but I’ll bring one for you tomorrow”. I know it might not last long, but in this moment Olivia is officially more fond of me than she is Aubrie, and Sasha’s feeling on top of the world because she got one first without any competition. I know how they’re feeling because that's how I would feel if I were them. That’s what Smart Guy says is key to climbing the ranks; understanding the thoughts and feelings of people so that you can use it to benefit yourself.

—

A week has passed, and soon I’ll be at the top of the social pyramid. With Smart Guy’s help, my Jolly Ranchers are now a hot commodity. I don’t really know what ‘hot commodity’ means, but Mom says that about things that everyone wants. I'll look it up when I get home so that I’m not dumb, but for now, hopefully my context clues are enough. In my school you’re dumb if you don’t know something easy, that’s why I hate math and love ELA. I didn’t know the answer to 9x6 in second grade when the teacher called on me, and Jackson called me dumb. I cried about it and no one felt bad. Another kid just called me a crybaby until the teacher told everyone to be nice. I think about it every math class, but Jackson didn’t even seem to remember it the next day. There was a time before that math class that I heard my mom on the phone saying she thinks I have “emotional issues” and “take things too seriously”. I haven’t cried in front of anyone since that class.

So when Jackson found out that I had Jolly Ranchers, I was hesitant to give one to him. (By the way, I’ve been sneaking into the cabinet where Mom keeps the candy, and I took a handful to school with me). Jackson is one of the most popular kids at my school. He’s loud, funny, good at gym class, but the trait that was most valuable to me is that he was one of the only kids with an IPad. This is exactly what climbing the ranks is all about. Moving on to bigger, better things. Throughout this whole week, I’ve gotten myself to the place where I can ask for trades without people thinking I’m doing too much.

Like Smart Guy said in my dream Tuesday night, “it’s a slow and steady game”.

Now it’s like a competition to see who can be the nicest to me or offer me the best thing.

“Mara please, you didn’t give me one yet” Jackson said dramatically while pleading on his knees. He’s a performer and never fails at making everyone laugh. I'm unamused, but I laugh anyway so people dont think I'm mean.

“I’ll give you one if you let me play a game on your IPad” I said. He shook his head, and just like that a deal was made. If I could show everyone how good I was at a game then they’ll definitely think I'm cool. Maybe then I could leave the Jolly Ranchers behind.

A bunch of kids crowded around me to watch me play, but in less than a minute I had already lost. I was so embarrassed that I could've thrown his IPad across the room.

“Oh you’re bad at this. How do you not know how to play?” said Jackson in a jokey tone. Nothing’s funny. I hate him. I was ready to act like I didn’t care, then go to the bathroom and cry.

“Stop being mean Jacksonnn, just teach her how to play” said Sasha the big-shiny-popular-girly eyed angel. Maybe I can make some of them my friends. Now instead of crying in the bathroom I’m being defended by the most popular girl and taught by the most popular boy. I am on top! Hopefully she's not just being nice for tomorrow's Jolly Ranchers.

—

After dinner I saw Mom watching the show again. “What’s going on this time?” I asked. She looked frustrated with the show and had her hand on her head.

“So the guy I told you about the other day, the one that was doing the smart thing, he just lost everything because he didn’t play his cards right. That means he- well you know what that means” she said exhaustedly, but I didn’t know what ‘play his cards right' meant. “You can’t just use people and think they won’t catch on. He was better off building some actual relationships. The plan was flawed to begin with” she continued.

So Smart Guy is dumb, and I’m even dumber. My face is heating up and I already know that it’s red. I don’t even know what ‘play his cards right' is supposed to mean, I didn't know 9x6, I didn’t know how to play the game, and I’ve been listening to Smart Guys dumb plan! I can't lose everything, I need more Jolly Ranchers.

I go to the cabinet to find more Jolly Ranchers, but they aren’t there. I am ready to blow.

“Mom!” I yelled “Where’s the candy”?

“I packed the last pieces in your lunchbox today!” she yelled back. I heard her pause her show and get up from the couch to walk towards the kitchen. “It was going too fast, I think we need to slow down on the candy Mara”.

“No! I need it for school”

“You have other snacks in your lunchbox”

“But I’ve been sharing with my friends at school, I need ittt”

“I pack your lunch for you, not your friends. Some of their parents don’t want them eating hard candy. Now go to bed-”

“Stop telling me to go to bed!” I yelled louder than I’ve ever yelled at her, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care until I went to my room, that is, then I felt really bad. I'm a bad person. I’m mean to my mom, I act like I don’t care about being people's friend when I really want friends, and I’m super-duper dumb. I slammed my face into my pillow and screamed until I was tired enough to go to sleep. I don’t know why I did that. I really am a crybaby.

Smart Guy showed up again with his dumb wise words of encouragement. “So I fumbled, bad, but it's not too late for you. I might’ve not played my cards right, but you still can. Keep on climbing, get to the top!” he said. When I woke up from my dream I didn't know whether or not to listen to him.

—

Today is Friday-Funday at school. That's when after we do our work, we get to watch movies, play games, and dance for the rest of the day. Jackson got to choose what video we were going to dance to. Well, the class got to vote, but Jackson basically chose it by making everyone think that his decision is the best. Before Ms. Laney played the video, all the kids stood up from their chairs and surrounded the screen. I stayed seated and dug through my bag, and to my surprise, I found one more Jolly Rancher. It’s been over a week since I’ve had one because I’ve been giving them to everyone else. Just when I was about to take off the wrapper, Jackson started to approach me.

“Mara is that the blue one? It’s my favorite flavor. I’ll let you use my IPad again” he says while all the other kids are distracted.

“Fine” I said while handing him the Jolly Rancher, once again tragically parting with my favorite candy. We both walked towards the screen where the rest of the class was standing as he waved the Jolly Rancher in his friends faces to make them jealous. Ms. Laney played the video and we all followed the dance moves on the screen.

Amidst the loud music and laughing, I hear Jackson say “Look what I can do!”, showing off as usual. He did some weird jumping thing before bending to the ground, but he didn't get back up. He looked up at me with a frightened look on his face and his hands on his neck.

“Ms Laney! Jackson’s chokinggg” Sasha screamed. Everyone stopped dancing as Ms. Laney ran to save Jackson. In that moment, I felt fear run through my entire body. Before I knew it, the slimy blue Jolly Rancher had flown out of Jackson's mouth. It landed in front of me, who was now on my knees in shock. I felt my eyes watering.

“No eating while dancing, and hard candy is banned from class!” Ms. Laney announced while walking Jackson to the hallway. Mom must’ve been right about my emotional issues because it felt like a wave had just crashed into me. I’m scared I’ll get in trouble, sorry that he choked, angry that he choked, and even more angry at myself, but I can't even tell why. I wonder if everyone staring at me could tell what I was feeling as I cried in front of them for the first time in a year.

—

I didn’t want to go back to school on Monday, and Smart Guy stopped showing up. Instead of my dreams, I listened to Mom’s advice and sat through her long lecture of things I did and didn’t already know. When I walked through the door of my third grade classroom, I realized she was right. Nothing is “that serious” here, we're all just kids doing silly things that no one is going to remember in the long run. We all remembered Friday-Funday, but no one mentioned it.

Now that they’re banned, no one has asked me for Jolly Ranchers, but I didn’t know how to start a conversation without making a transaction anymore. Lunchtime went on as usual, but today Sasha, Aubrie, Olivia, and even Jackson, provided me with the opportunity of a lifetime. They included me in their conversations, and I think that they’re my actual friends. It turns out being cool and popular is not something unspoken or an exclusive club, it doesn’t even really exist. We’re all just normal kids, we’ve all cried in front of each other before, and everyone is kind of weird in their own way. After talking to them I realized that I’m definitely not dumb, but I’m not the smartest either. It wasn't Smart Guy’s plan that was flawed, it was the idea of climbing the ranks that was flawed in itself.