Re: New Kid On The Block

June 6th, 2012 - 11:43 am

.

To: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

From: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

Subject: Safe and Sound

.

Hey Edi,

I arrived @ North Falls yesterday. The drive was hell with two car sick chihuahuas, but I was able to make it up before things could get messy.

I also I met my next door neighbor yesterday, and get this. I'm the first new face here since 2005. She kept nagging me about something, but I can't remember what that was... Oh! She offered me some tater tot casserole - looks disgusting, tastes like crack.

I don't know what to think of this place. I don't know why my grandma would buy a house up here, but I guess you can't pass up on a free place to stay

Famously yours,

Tristan

.

P.S. - Please view attachment below... Apparently I'm famous now lol...

.

*Headline from North Falls Tribune - June 5th Edition, 2012*

.

.

NEW FACE TO OLD SPACE

.

North Falls, MN - On June 6th, 2012, expect a new face in town.

Mr. Tristan Donner will be the new resident of 8461, White Bear Drive. He'll be with us this summer. Please give him a big ol' North Falls welcome! Welcome to the Falls, Mr. Donner!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 6th, 2012 - 12:59 pm

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

Re: Safe and Sound

.

Hello, Tristan. How are you? Are you settling in all right?

I saw the attachment. How cool! Everyone knows who you are now, make sure to leave a good impression!

I should be free the weekend of the 23rd so I will make sure to pop up. Let me know if that works for you.

Have a great day!

.

Sincerely,

.

Your Best Friend

.

P.S. - Apparently tater tot casserole is a Minnesotan delicacy - nice to see you indulging in the native cuisine! LOL

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 7th, 2012 - 7:30 am

.

To: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

From: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: Keep An Eye Out

.

Hey Christy. How are you? I noticed your new porch swing - the blue pillows compliment your house color so nicely!

Anyways, enough chit chat. You know that empty house next to me? Well as you've probably noticed from the paper, I've got a new neighbor. And might I say, I think the block committee is going to have to keep a close eye on this one - he hadn't been out of his car for two seconds when his animals made a mess all over his driveway.

However, being my hospitable self, I brought over a hot-dish for Mr. Donner and explained to him how North Falls might be a small town, but we do like to keep up appearances, and the block committee will need to lay out a few ground rules for owning dogs here. I don't think he was listening to me...

I would recommend you bring this boy up at the next Eyes On the Block meeting.

.

Sincerely,

.

Jenny

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 7th, 2012 - 7:32 am

.

To: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

From: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

Re: Keep An Eye Out

.

Jennifer,

.

Noted. I will make sure this matter is presented at the meeting today. I will have Eyes On the Block send out a letter today.

.

-Christine

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ad-space 09 from North Falls Tribune - June 5th Edition, 2012

.

B - I - N - G - O = F - U - N

.

The highly anticipated annual bingo game is next Thursday @ 8 pm!

There will be live music, courtesy of Nelson's bluegrass blues!

Each Bingo round winner earns $50 - One jackpot of $1,000

Each card is $20 - lasts the whole night

Drink and refreshments offered. No participants under the age 18 allowed.

To register cards please call the number below or email:

Bear_Den_Casino@yahoo.com

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 7th, 2012 - 8:39 pm

.

To: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

From: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

Subject: My Life is a Cliche

.

Hey Edi,

First day @ work was about as interesting as watching paint dry.

And I use that cliche because that was my job.

The only opening in this town is working @ Artur's Paint Jobs.

But your's truly apparently "doesn't have the finesse" to handle the brushes, and Artur ended up doing all the work.

So that's why I watched paint dry. All day.

Oh! My mail arrived today. Honestly, how did I end up with so much junk mail? I got a particularly nasty note from this "On the Block" club or whatever the hell it was. Man, advertising is getting savage these days...

Anyways, hanging in there,

Tristan

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 8th, 2012 - 7:28 am

.

To: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

From: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: Suspicions Arisen

.

Christine. I have written to remind you that our concerns about Mr. Donner are not unwarranted.

Yesterday as I was having my morning coffee, I caught him in the act violating rule #2 and # 3 from the letter that was sent out - no letting dogs on other people's lawns, and dogs must stay leashed at all times!

Of course I had to confront him when I saw these crimes, but he said he never saw that letter. And besides, those dreadful rats kept yapping at me and trying to nip my feet. I bet that boy had them do it on purpose, he surely wasn't trying to stop them.

Christy, I'm concerned that his time at North Falls will be detrimental to the image and safety of this community.

Anyways, how was that nice dinner that you and Dan had at Pancetti's? I couldn't help but notice when I stopped at the liquor store.

.

Sincerely,

.

Jenny

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 10th, 2012 - 7:32 am

.

To: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

From: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

Re: Suspicions Arisen

.

Jennifer,

.

Thanks for reporting this to Eyes On the Block committee. You surely understand how seriously we take North Falls public safety.

It was made clear in the letter that was sent out what the repercussions are if the rules are not adhered to, so I'll get in contact with Mr. Donner on Monday the 11th.

Also, it was Daniel's and my anniversary.

.

-Christine

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ad-space 11 from North Falls Tribune - June 9th Edition, 2012

.

HIRING AT ARTUR'S PAINT JOBS

.

Interested in an active job? Don't mind getting your hands dirty?

Due to sudden circumstances Artur is suddenly + urgently hiring!

Please call the number below if interested. Starting pay 9/hr.

No experience necessary.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

MEDICAL BILL FROM ST ANNE'S HOSPITAL

.

Patient name: Tristan Donner

Address: 8461, White Bear Drive, North Falls, Minnesota

Recipient #: 639 - 0178

Date: June 8th, 2012

.

Description + Amount:

EMERGENCY SVCS - $3,315.00

IMAGING SVCS - $546.50

MED/SURG RM/Bed - $6,083.00

PHARMACY - $3,997.00

REHAB SVCS - $446.00

SUPPLIES - $362.50

SURGICAL SVCS - $63,665.00

"EVERY BAG OF CHEETOS - $119.00

IN THIS D***N PLACE"

.

Total Price: 78,534.00

.

Thank you for your business!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Page A2 from North Falls Tribune - June 9th Edition, 2012

.

North Falls, Minnesota - Workplace safety is a very important issue; there is not enough that can be said about it. Here are 8 tips for both business owners and employees to keep in mind when working:

.

1) Wear proper protection while working.

2) Never take shortcuts.

3) Make sure to be alert and awake while on the job.

4) Have clear communication between coworkers.

5) Don't overwork yourself.

6) Make sure to have a coworker with you when operating heavy equipment.

7) Have both safety hands when using a ladder.

8) Remember - paint is slippery when wet!

.

Thank you North Falls for taking this short break to ensure your own safety and the safety of our coworkers!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 9th, 2012 - 7:48 pm

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

Subject: Are you okay?

.

Hello, Tristan.

.

I just saw your post on Facebook. The one that you captioned:

"Everything's going great! #notreally #iykyk #cryforhelp

Is everything alright?

.

Sincerely,

.

Your Concerned Friend

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 10th, 2012 - 7:31 am

.

To: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

From: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: `Timber!

.

Hello, Christy!

.

Did you hear about what happened to Tristan? I saw the article from the paper. That must been the work of you and the North Falls Safety Committee!

Anyways, Artur told me all about the "Accident". Apparently Mr. Donner got a little excited on the ladder... Poor fellow broke his leg.

Anyways, being my hospitable self I will make sure the man gets some Jello Salad and Ginger Ale as he recovers.

Oh, one more thing! In regards to the upcoming Eyes On the Block elections - I was wondering if I could have your help in securing a seat in the upcoming elections?

Thanks a bunch!

.

Sincerely,

.

Jenny

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 10th, 2012 - 7:31 am

.

To: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

From: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

Re: Timber!

.

Jennifer,

.

Yes, the committee and I are aware of Mr. Donner's accident. Yes, that article was in response of said accident.

I am glad to hear you are keeping up hospitality with Mr. Donner, however I cannot assist you in "securing a seat" at the election later today. I could lose my job of chairwoman at the talk of such antidemocratic behavior.

.

-Christine

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 10th, 2012 - 11:31 am

.

To: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

From: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

Re: Are you okay?

.

SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL HOLE.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ad-space 09 from North Falls Tribune - June 10th Edition, 2012

.

B - I - N - G - O = F - U - N

.

Just a reminder - the bingo game is Wednesday, the 13th.

Make sure to reserve your cards before then!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 11th, 2012 - 7:31 am

.

To: <Bear_Den_Casino@yahoo.com>

From: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

Subject: Bingo Tickets

.

Hello. This is Christine Nilsson, head of Eyes On the Block. I will be reserving boards for our new members.

.

Christine Nilsson - 2 boards

Arne Dolph - 1 board

Ivan Krog - 2 boards

Helen Lund - 2 boards

Irene Dolph - 1 board

.

I'll drop off a check at the front desk - same place as last year.

.

Sincerely,

.

Christine

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 11th, 2012 - 8:43 am

.

To: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

From: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: `Disappointing...

.

Christine. I would be lying if I was to say I wasn't disappointed by yesterday's elections. To think I was out voted by Arne's cheeky wife... I thought we were friends, Christy...

.

Sincerely,

.

Jenny

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 11th, 2012 - 8:46 am

.

To: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

From: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

Re: Disappointing...

.

Jennifer,

.

I said no such thing. It seems you weren't elected because of your gross under qualifications.

And I would say at best we are acquaintances.

.

-Christine

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 11th, 2012 - 8:47 am

.

To: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

From: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

ReRe: `Disappointing...

.

YOU B***H.

GO AHEAD AND PRATTLE ON WITH YOUR EYES ON THE BLOCK NONSENSE. I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT IT.

THAT TWAT IRENE WILL PROBABLY GET KICKED OFF AFTER ONE TERM ANYWAYS.

THEN WE'LL SEE WHO'S "GROSSLY UNDER QUALIFIED."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Headline from North Falls Tribune - June 11th Edition, 2012

.

NEW MEMBER OF EYES ON THE BLOCK!

.

North Falls, Minnesota - This is Christine Nilsson, chairwoman of Eyes On the Block. As many of you are aware, yesterday we held elections for the summer term of our committee. I understand this is new, but I felt it is important to introduce our members: Recurring members Arne Dolph, Ivan Krog, Helen Lund, and our newest member...

.

IRENE DOLPH!!!!!!!!!!!

.

CONGRATULATIONS IRENE!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

Please feel free to congratulate our members, ESPECIALLY IRENE, on their election.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 12th, 2012 - 9:32 am

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Christine Nilsson <christine.nilsson23@yahoo.com>

Subject: Block Violations

.

Mr. Donner,

.

Greetings. I can see you are getting comfortable here at North Falls. I am Christine, the chairwoman of the organization of Eyes On the Block and also the head of the committee North Falls Public Safety. I have written to you in response to your violation of rules #2 and #3 in regards of owning pets in this area. Therefore, in accordance to the policy, you will be fined $500 for your risk to public safety and reckless handling of your animals.

.

Sincerely,

.

Christine Nilsson

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

*June 12th, 2012 - 10:38 am*

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Jennifer Forber <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: Ally

.

Hello Tristan,

.

It's your next door neighbor, Jennifer. Did you get the Jello Salad and Ginger Ale? I was sorry to hear about your accident, and I'm also sorry about that fine you received - I could tell you got Christine's email when you yelled "EF YOU, KRISTEN" from your porch this morning. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. Give Christine a week and she'll most likely forget about the fine.

Anyways, I understand you and I haven't started on the best foot, but I believe we have a common goal to unite us neighbors -

our unified hatred of Christine.

You see, here's my issue....

.

....So you see my trifle with her? Any advice on revenge enactment would be appreciated.

.

Sincerely,

.

Jenny

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 12th, 2012 - 11:04 am

.

To: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

From: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

Re: Ally

.

Jenny,

I must say you have piqued my interest. You are right in that we share the common goal of gaining revenge on little Ms. Christina.

You mention her involvement of Eyes On the Block. I think I have an idea, but you'll need to do one thing for me...

.

...Does this sound ok? Let me know if it's too much.

Sincerely,

Tristan

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 12th, 2012 - 11:10 am

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Jennifer Forber <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

ReRe: Ally

.

Perfect.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 12th, 2012 - 12:30 pm

.

To: <Bear_Den_Casino@yahoo.com>

From: Jennifer Forber <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: Bingo Cards

.

Hello. This is Jennifer Forberg, chairwoman of the new public safety committe, Eyes Facing the Direction of the Block. I would like to reserve bingo tickets for my committee member and myself.

.

Jennifer Forberg - 15 cards

Tristan Donner - 15 cards

.

I will pay with a check on Thursday.

.

-Jennifer

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 13th, 2012 - 9:38 am

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Jennifer Forber <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

Subject: Operation A Go

.

Hello Tristan,

.

I got the cards. Make sure to arrive by 7:30 - I'll be by my Ford F-150 in the parking lot. Be ready to win.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

*June 12th, 2012 - 11:04 am*

.

To: Jenny Forberg <forberg.jennifer@icloud.com>

From: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

Re: Operation A Go

.

Roger that.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Headline from North Falls Tribune - June 14th Edition, 2012

.

MEGA WINNERS AT BINGO GAME

.

North Falls, Minnesota - Wow, Thursday was quite the night! The Bear Den Casino was packed as residents of North Falls came for the highly anticipated event of the year - the Bear Den's Casino game!

The food was great and the music superb, there seemed to be only happy faces tonight!

But two players that were especially excited was members of the new committee geared towards North Falls public safety - Eyes Towards the Direction of the Block - Tristan Donner and Jennifer Forberg!

Having ordered a total of 30 cards between each other, Tristan and Jennifer won 29 out of the 30 rounds last night. Winning also the jackpot round, the lucky players won a total of $2,450.

The two plan on putting all their money in funding their new group, and in their words, "Bring that mother f*****r Christian down".

Make sure to spread that North Falls hospitality and give the lucky winners a big ol' congratulations!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

June 14th, 2012 - 2:45 pm

.

To: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

From: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

Subject: SERIOUSLY, YOU GOOD?

.

Hey Tristan! Remember me? Your best friend?

Anyways, I haven't heard from you in a couple of days. As I recall, the last thing you sent me was "SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL HOLE". I'm assuming this is a cry for help.

Anyways, I found out I can head up to your neck of the woods earlier than the 23rd. If you want I can pick you up and we can head back to Chicago to find you a new place to stay. I honestly didn't think you would be able to survive here more than a couple of days.

Let me know soon so I can get back to my boss.

.

Bestie 4ever,

.

Edith

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

***

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

*June 14th, 2012 - 3:30 pm*

.

To: Edith Summerland <edithsummer2@gmail.com>

From: Tristan Donner <big_city_slicker@gmail.com>

Re: SERIOUSLY, YOU GOOD?

.

Edi,

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY! I've been busy af lately.

Anyways, I'm feeling much better. I appreciate the offer, but I think I'll stay.

This place is starting to grow on me.

Sincerely,

Tristan