To be King

My brother and I never made it easy on our mother. We were at odds with almost everything since father died and it was only worsening. I could see how much it wore mother down; with each passing month, her face and body grew weaker. She could hardly hide her pain anymore. Dallas didn’t seem to care. He was there to ensure he has his way, like always. I had compromised many times to spare mother the frustrations of having to act as not only a queen and a widow but also a mediator for two stubborn young men. Dallas was a year older, but his wisdom was lost to time and rage.

I used to feel hurt when he would name call and put me down. He would tell me why my ideas were stupid or why his were superior, but last time we spoke, he looked right through me. He would give me nothing more than a nod and a one-word reply. All communication about his plans with the palace and the kingdom remained between himself and his loyal guard – a secret outsiders, like his own brother, were actively kept from. A split of allegiance has taken place within the walls of the palace and tension was high. Though mother was aware of what was happening, she was too weak to do anything about it. Dallas would soon turn eighteen and invoke the right to rule. I was only a year younger, yet it seemed unfitting that I would be dismissed as a capable king.

Dallas could never be second to me. Even when father was alive, he would compete with me in everything to prove his age and wisdom over mine. Father praised us both as equals anyway, but for some reason, Dallas hated being second to me. There was a time he told me that he would banish me if I tried to beat him when he had the crown. It irked me to know of his obsession at such a young age.

“Kaede. I need to speak with you,” Dallas said, unexpectedly. He gestured for me to walk with him away from the main throne. I felt myself become defensive and uneasy. Why couldn’t he have been less formal?

“What is it?” I asked, hoping to get to the point as quickly as possible. His face showed no emotion as we walked.

“I am expected to take the crown in two weeks. Mother is frail and unable to keep up with the demands of ruling.”

I felt a sense of coldness in his tone as if mother was nothing more than a burden on the kingdom.

“Mother is grieving,” I pointed out. He simply nodded and moved onto the next topic.

“What can you provide to the kingdom?”

The question insinuated that I needed to prove myself.

“I don’t understand the question.”

Our footsteps echoed down the hall.

“What are your strengths?”

“You’re my brother for god’s sake, what are you talking about?” I stopped and turned to face him. He took a few more paces forward and sighed; it was the only emotive behaviour I had seen from him in a year.

“Kaede. Answer the question.”

“This is the kind of ruler you want to be?” I posed, “Some withdrawn, detached shell of a man? The people will suffer you. You’re not fit to be king.”

I turned and walked away. It seemed his lack of anger had finally come out through me.

“And you are?” he argued back. Finally.

I took a deep breath. There were many things I wanted to say. Many awful things. I could have degraded him into an early grave.

“You disgraced that poor girl at the celebration ball, you speak about mother like she’s a bothersome leftover wasting away in the palace, not a single one of your plans involves the input of the people and you have failed to make any real connections with anyone since father died. The same cannot be said about me.”

The arguments must have hit him hard, but his face barely twitched. I knew there was anger still lying dormant deep inside him. He stared; hard and cold.

“You misunderstand. This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with since father’s passing.”

“You haven’t dealt with anything since fathers passing,” I scoffed, “You haven’t even dealt with father’s passing.”

Dallas swallowed. My words possessed him, taunting him to fight back. His eyes closed for a moment; at first very gently but wrinkles began to form as he pinched them tightly closed. I folded my arms in anticipation. Somehow, he kept his cool.

“No. I won’t argue with you…not like this. Go,” he demanded.

I smirked, “You’re not king yet, Dallas. You can’t command me.”

He turned and walked away, refusing to have any further discord. I glared at him from behind, hoping my disapproval would somehow reach him psychically. Whether it did or not, I couldn’t tell. I took to the grand balcony for some fresh air, his question resounding inside my head.

“What can you provide for the kingdom?” I mocked out loud. My arms rested on the railing as I looked out over the kingdom.

“A hell of a lot more than you could,” I replied in a whisper. A sense of pain washed over me as I imagined how hurt father would be to see the state of our family. Tears welled but I fought them off. The doors opened quietly and mother stepped out into the cool night air.

“Hey, what are you up to out here?” she said in a kind, soft tone.

“Getting away from Dallas.”

She pouted, “I guess he’s really struggling to communicate, huh.”

I raised a brow, “Struggling? Him? How about everyone else who’s struggling because of him. It’s not all about him mother.”

Mother smiled well-meaningly. She rested her palm on my shoulder.

“It’s not my place to ask, but would you try to talk to him? I think he’s under a lot of pressure right now.”

If it weren’t for her good intentions and reliance on me, I would’ve declined in a heartbeat. I shrugged and told her I would give it another chance.

Dallas sat in the throne room, not upon the throne but on the ground in front of it. The lights were dim. I closed the doors behind me and wandered over.

“Dallas, what are you doing?” I asked, almost concerned.

He sat cross-legged and hung his head in shame.

“What can you provide for the kingdom?” the question escaped his mouth once again, this time almost in a whisper. I pouted. The urge to smack him over the head grew intense, but I restrained myself.

“Clarity, for one –”

“That will do.”

I furrowed my brows at him and awaited further explanation. His head slowly lifted, “You will be king.”