The fear of Tomorrow

‘It’s not time yet, let her sleep’, Hanef whispered across the room.

Astrid nodded in approval, a bright beam crossing the doleful look on her face.

‘Alright, but just 15 more minutes’.

Both woke up early before dawn set in and tiptoed around the house preparing every little thing for the day. Most of the bags were packed the previous night and the few left, Astrid completed before the first of the morning light seeped in. Hanef was out finishing most of the work from the day, fetching water from downstream and filling the cattle bins. He would be gone for the day and Astrid would be alone with the infant. The thick mist covered the mountain slope almost to stop the day from starting. At six o’clock, even if the sky was still grey and chilling cold, Astrid woke up her little daughter. Anna whimpered pulling the blanket into a cocoon. Astrid stood next to the bed for some time and slowly picked her up. At the front verandah, Hanef took half-asleep Anna in his arms and her toothbrush in the other hand. Both walked down the stairs to the steep road at the edge about the width of a small car. The first of morning light seeped in through the clouded mist by now as Hanef and Anna half-asleep with the toothbrush clamped in her mouth, walked up the narrow road for a morning stroll.  It was almost a daily tradition of the father and daughter. Even with the plan being decided months ago, today Hanef felt a sense of regret at the thought of tomorrow.

By eight, everything was ready with Astrid packing up the last of the many packets of sweets she made for the day. Anna got ready and insisted to carry her own school bag. The road to the capital city was long and Hanef would have to make the journey back before night falls. The first part of the road was narrow enough for two motorcycles to cross by. At the foothill of the mountain, the road widens as it crosses over the lake and into the plains. They halted for a quick stop at a small town and continue with haste for the rest of the journey. By the onset of noon, they finally reached the school premises.  

The place was huge, with a line of houses on one side and an open playground on the other. Straight at the front of the gate stood the main entrance of the monastery also open to the public townsfolk. Hanef could see Anna's face light up seeing the group of children draped in dark maroon uniforms. After registration and most of the official paperwork, they looked around the living quarters and classrooms. The caretakers ensured they would set up her room taking the luggage from Hanef. 

'Anna, you can share these with your new friends later', One of the caretakers replied pointing at the sweets her mother sent in the luggage. 

While Hanef sat in the waiting area, Anna went with a few of the other girls to show her around the place. Until that moment, this daughter of his was the most fragile little thing that he would protect with all his might. No matter how with every passing year, this timid little girl grew stronger, Hanef could not believe she had indeed grown up. There seeing her surrounded by these new people comfortably fitting in, an overwhelming sense of loss covered him. The loss of his little girl, how each day she was away from him, he would miss seeing her grow bigger and bigger every day. 

For the rest of the day, the sun blazed throughout, a good sign of no rains approaching. He decided to stay for another hour before returning. 

'Did they ask anything?' Hanef inquired.

'The lady asked my name and how old was I'.

'She gave me the new textbooks too, Lisa helped me carry those to my room' Anna added, almost in a hurry so she wouldn't leave any out. 

They talked sitting at one of the benches next to the ground. Hanef kept a strict note on the time, he would have to reach home by evening. But every time he decided to end their conversation, Anna would add one of her many little stories from the day. By then, he had already learned the names of her teachers, her roommate's and each of the few friends she met. It wasn’t just the conversation that kept him, the big man now felt an unwillingness to leave her back there. She looked happy, almost marveled at this new place with new people. Maybe that's the charm of being a child. 

'Will you come on Saturday?'

'Of course, your mother will come too if Nana comes home to take care of the baby'.

As time came to an end, Hanef walked with her to her room. He crouched next to her and held her softly. Her face turned dark, lips quivering as she pulled with the little hands to his sweater. He waited holding her till she loosened her grip. Never once Hanef broke the tender smile over his face, he did not let the beating sense of pain seep out to his face. When the goodbyes were done, the father left leaving the strongest piece of him back. 

Winter evenings were short and the sun pocketed in by the time he drove out of the city. The freezing cold air hit against his bare knuckles as he drove the motorcycle by. The sky was clear full of stars peeking through the tall pine and willow trees. He drove rather slow as thick fog covered the road ahead. By the time he reached the bridge, the moon brightened up the road till the horizon reflecting against the still lake water. A sense of fear nagged him all the way back home, not of his daughter left alone but of his own. She has been there every morning in his world for the past eleven years, and now he dreaded tomorrow when the sun would rise on the hillside losing one of his most precious spectators.