Getting Closure

"Lou? Lou Shepard? Holy shit, that is you?"

Though I hadn't heard it in forty years I instantly recognized my best friend from St. Albeus High School, Kevin Lamm. I turned to face him, "Hey, Kevin." 

"'Hey, Kevin?' You didn't just "hey, Kevin' me like we saw each other yesterday you bastard. Come here, bring it in," he spread his arms and beckoned me into a hug. I moved closer and he squeezed me like he didn't want me to ever leave again. I hugged back after a moment.

"I missed you, man," he whispered in my ear. "Me too," I responded maybe too softly.

He leaned back and with his hands still on my shoulders announced, "I really missed you, man." He hugged me again for a moment then twisted so he was beside me with one arm over my shoulder. "I was worried about you."

"Me too," I said and we laughed.

The reunion was starting in the afternoon and we were both early. There were hardly any others there yet. We moved to an open table when I refused his offer of a drink. He had a light beer he nursed.

"God, it's been forty long years since I've laid eyes on you, ever since graduation, no, wait, you didn't go to graduation. That's right. You took off the night before in that shit-box Ford pickup of yours."

I nodded with a soft smile.

"I went around your house the morning of graduation and your parents said you just left, driving north. Where did you go?"

"Wisconsin, I drove around the Great Lakes that summer."

"The Ford made it that far? That thing didn't even have a back window."

"It barely made it and it took all summer."

"Daisy White left the day before that."

"I know."

"Hey, listen. I know it's prying, but shit, it's been a lifetime ago. You can tell me now. What happened between you two? You were like surgically attached at the hip from spring break until that weekend. What happened?"

I took a deep breath. He was right, I could tell him now, at least part of it, and I would. I steeled myself, sat up straight, and said, "That's ancient history man, what about you. How have you been?"

He gritted his teeth. For just a fleeting moment I saw, "What the fuck do you care, you left you bastard" on his face, but then he smiled warmly.

"Graduated from Illinois State with an accounting degree, married a wonderful girl I met there, Raksha, she'll be down later, moved to Vermont, three great kids and one grandkid. So spill, what the hell happened with Daisy?"

I smiled at his good fortune then took a deep breath. I leaned forward, "Have you seen her since high school?"

"No, nobody has. She's as big a mystery as you. She went to Urbana instead of graduation, lived there with her sister for the summer, and then went abroad or something. Even people I know that went to Illinois said they never saw her again."

I nodded and took a sip of water, "Right, okay." I took another sip, "We decided to give each other a graduation present that night, two days before graduation."

"Sex?"

"Yes. Anyway, I cleaned up the Ford the best I could and filled the bed with blankets and pillows. We parked out by the lake, you know the place."

"Yeah, I heard about it. Never went."

"Well, we went. It was really late and no one was around. It was dark and cool but beautiful with the full moon shining off the water. Daisy loved it. She was really excited and happy. She was as anxious about it as I was, I mean she really wanted to. So, we got in the back and under the blankets, got naked."

I took a sip of water. It was ancient history, but I had been over that night in my head so many times it seemed like yesterday.

"She was so beautiful with her platinum ringlets and her freckles. I can just see her face. She was all smiles and kisses. Remember how tiny she was, only about five feet. She was really enjoying herself like she was having fun, you know? She was horny sure, but it was more like she was happy and playful like she finally got to play a sport she had been practicing for and she was really good at it. She finally got to use her body the way she wanted and she loved it."

Kevin took a long pull from his beer, leaned back, looked at his wedding ring, and smiled. I took a drink of water and we leaned back together.

"So pretty soon she got on top of me. She actually said, 'ride'em cowgirl.'" We both smiled.

"Then it happened." my smile and my eyes dropped. I searched the floor for a way to tell him without telling him. What to tell him? I had gone this far. This was more than I had ever told anyone. I snorted at myself and looked up. 

"We got attacked by an animal."

"No shit!"

"She was on top of me and all of a sudden something big and hairy jumped and hit her to the floor of the truck bed. It jumped too hard I think, didn't really expect her to be so small because it didn't land in the truck with us, it went clean over us and landed on the ground next to the truck.

"I threw Daisy through the back window and grabbed a bat I had in the truck. It jumped back at me, and I hit it. We fought. I knocked it down and it knocked me down. We got back up and did it again. Just as we got back up again Daisy had the truck going. She floored it and the animal tumbled out the back and I fell and hit my head. I think I might have blacked out a bit, but when I could look we were far away and it was gone."

"What the fuck was it?"

"At the time I thought it might have been a really big dog, as heavy as me, maybe a rottweiler, but with long, shaggy hair."

"Cougar?"

"No, it was dark, like black hair, and it didn't move like a cat."

"You said, 'at the time.' Did you figure it out later?"

Why had I told him all that? Why didn't I just say it was a dog? I didn't know how to answer him, but just then a woman touched him on the shoulder. He looked up and it was his wife, Raksha. He jumped to his feet and kissed her. He introduced us and we exchanged pleasantries. The DJ started playing Brian Adams Cuts Like a Knife.

I couldn't tell him the next part, what it was, and how I found out. I couldn't tell him how I had gotten a rifle and gone out to make sure whatever it was didn't hurt anyone else. I had been out there all the next day and into the night before I found it and shot it. I couldn't tell him how the hairy, wolf thing I shot had turned back into a man when he died.

"You want a drink, Lou?" Raksha asked me.

"No, thanks. I've got my water." 

It was still early, but the room was filling up. Kevin was busy with his wife and had met some other friends. I started walking around looking for Daisy. Nobody seemed to notice me, at least nobody said anything to me.

Paradise by the Dashboard Lights by Meatloaf came on. The music was a soft filler before dinner, but some couples danced anyway.

Kevin found me again, "So you got attacked by some animal, but you were both okay, so what happened between you two?" 

"We didn't want to go home so we went to a Walgreens and got some first aid stuff. We patched each other up. Nothing needed stitches. 

"We talked about what to do. We did agree not to tell anyone but, and I did not know this at the time, the trouble was we agreed for different reasons. I didn't want to get in trouble with her dad or my dad. She felt it was private and nobody else had any right to know what we were doing. 

"I didn't see much of a distinction and since we agreed on what not to do we could move on to what we were going to do, but to her, the issue wasn't settled. That was strike one. Then I said if we didn't tell anybody then we should go out and kill the thing ourselves. She said if I did that we were through."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing then. I just shut up and drove her home. When she got out she didn't kiss me and said I didn't need to walk her to the door. I said, 'It's the only way to keep other people safe. I'm going to go out there in the morning and kill it."

"She said?"

I rolled my eyes and looked down at my empty water, "She said, 'Done' and slammed the door. That was the last I saw of her."

"Yeah, and we never saw you again either."

"I was s-" I almost said, "Scared" which was true, but I said, "I was pissed," which was also true.

Raksha pulled him away again while Killing Joke played, Love Like Blood. I went to get another water, search the crowd again and think about the lies I told him.

I had gotten my grandfather's rifle and after I shot the man I found the cardboard box he had been living in. I dragged the body there and burned it down. I was scared. I had been out all night and the sun was coming up. I went to Daisy's house and found out she was gone. Then I was pissed. Then I drove north.

I don't remember when I realized I hadn't changed. I had fought it, him and got cut up pretty bad but none of the cuts must have come from him, or maybe that wasn't how it worked. Anyway, I didn't change and I assumed Daisy hadn't either. 

I was pretty content with that theory until a month later. The full moon was so big and bright and I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just had to be sure. I was hours away from Champaign and I drove all night. 

I got to her sister's place just before dawn and while I was watching the house I saw movement under one of the windows. I got out of the truck and God help me, I walked around with the rifle. There was an animal there, big for a dog, but smaller than me. It was just finishing eating something, a rabbit. Then it licked itself clean and looked to the east.

The first sliver of sunlight crested the horizon and she changed. It was like a flash, but there suddenly, naked and dirty was Daisy. She quietly opened the window and climbed back inside. She never knew I was there.

I about pissed myself. I was frozen there. I didn't know what to do. Then I heard Daisy's sister's voice calling to her and asking if the truck in front of the house wasn't mine.

I ran again, damn me. When Daisy's sister went back in the house to bring Daisy out to look I got in the truck and drove off.

I couldn't stay there, she didn't want me and she had it handled her way. I also couldn't fully abandon her. I tried to keep up with what she was doing, where she went but in the age before cell phones and the internet she slipped away from me and I lost her for a while. Eventually, I found her again, but it took years and I certainly couldn't approach her then. 

I thought I could be ready in case she needed me, called on me. She never did so I guess she didn't need me, not until I got that facebook message last week.

I checked my phone again, "Are you coming?" was all she wrote on the reunion page. She didn't even name me, but like me, she had never come to one of these before and since the advent of social media she hadn't even responded until now.

Duran Duran started singing, Hungry Like the Wolf. I looked up and there she was standing in the double doors of the ballroom, the sunlight at her back lighting up her curls like a halo. I couldn't see her face, but she walked right up to me.

When she was close enough I could see she had traded in her platinum ringlets for silver, but there were those freckles and a smile for me that made my blood rush everywhere.

"You got my message."

I nodded.

"Sorry I'm late."

I shrugged. She slapped my chest lightly. "Nothing to say?"

"I'm sorry-"

She hugged me, "Shut up."

Van Morrison started singing Moondance and she said, "Dance with me while we still have time."

"You look great," I struggled, "You haven't, changed-"

She laughed, "I haven't changed a bit, right? You have. You look like shit, Lou."

"I've been-"

"I know you've been keeping track of me. After a while, I started keeping track of you too, but I lived my life too. Well, you know that. Why didn't you live yours?"

"I saw you you know, change I mean, at your sister's."

"You did?"

"Just the once, the next full-"

"Don't talk about that now."

"But what should we-"

"Don't talk at all," she pulled me close and put her head on my chest. We danced through True by Spandau Ballet. When the Police started playing J'aurais Toujours Faim de Toi we left the dance floor for the young at heart who had been dancing since the music started.

She led me towards the door, then pulled me down close to kiss my cheek and kept me there.

"It's my knees," she said, "They're shot. I can walk fine, and slow dance, but I can't run anymore, can't, you know, can't hunt, not for game. I've been trying to stick to domesticated, well sheep and goats, maybe a cat. I really try to stay away from dogs, and people of course, but sometimes they come out when I'm there, the people and I can't..." 

She looked away, couldn't meet my eyes. That was okay; I couldn't meet hers either. Why wasn't I there for her all these years? I had always thought there was nothing I could do. I couldn't kill her, and she had a family, a husband, her mother, and father. Someone else must have known, must have been helping her.

When she looked up at me there was a tear on her cheek, but she spoke clearly, "My kids don't have it, my husband either." The way she said it, I knew she hadn't told anyone else, kept it from everyone.

"It's only contagious through bites," She laughed. It started out as a giggle then a full womanly laugh. The laugh of a mother and grandmother who is as holy and proper as anyone, but is no innocent maiden. A woman who would scold you for saying, "shit" or "hell" but has sucked her husband's cock and locked the kids out on the porch just so they could have some time alone naked. This was the laugh of a matron who has cleaned up blood and shit; who has been the rock of her family as pets and hoped for infants and beloved grandparents had died. 

She wiped away a laughing tear and said, "I was always careful not to bite him, not like you and me."

"I still have tiny little dark spots on my neck from your teeth," I smiled, breathing again.

She protected them from it all those years and that was why she needed me here, now. She couldn't ask them to do it, she had to keep protecting them. I had to be the one; and I owed her.

She touched my face and wiped away a tear. "We have to make sure no one knows or even suspects it was you, but it has to be today, before nightfall. I'm sorry."

"I know. I am too. I have a plan. Maybe I'm the worst person in the world, but I've had a plan for years."

She shook her head that I wasn't awful, but choked back tears. She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. She tried to say something, maybe tried to tell me she knew and trusted I'd have had a plan, but she couldn't make herself talk. She mouthed, "Thank you." 

She took my hand, again. Another slow song started and we still had daylight left, but we were done dancing. I instinctively touched the gun on my hip to make sure it was still there and ready.

As the door closed behind us I heard Bryan Ferry singing Avalon, "Now the party's over..."