The truth about true love

“There it is – the Love At First Sight Moment!” shouted Malory Tennyson, leaping up to bounce excitedly with Psycho Motor Dabrowski, on the porch of Cloudbank Cabin. “Did you see it, Little Plump Jo? Did you write it?”

Malory, the owner of Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies was watching the picnic, being held by the Arthurian characters in the Fog Lake at the foot of Cloudbank Cabin, to celebrate the inaugural Iteration Day. Little Plump Jo, the current Artisan in Residence in the cabin and her five overexcitable canine writing companions, the Dabrowski Dogs- Intellectual, Psycho Motor, Emotional, Sensual and Imaginational were watching the picnic with him. The dogs were able to hear a different range of sound and allowed Jo to communicate with Malory Tennyson and the Arthurian characters in the fictional dimension.

Joining them on the porch was Morganette Lafaye, a newly arrived Artisan in Residence, a glamorous lady with fiery red hair, wearing a slinky long black dress and carrying her own animal writing companion. It was the strangest creature Little Plump Jo had ever seen. It looked like a cross between a monkey and a rodent of some sort, covered in thick brown fur, with a tail longer than its body, batlike ears and huge lamplight eyes. The strangest things about it were the central fingers on its forepaws, which were abnormally long and skinny, with hooked nails and jointed in a way that would make them ideal for nose-picking.

“I saw that” Morganette said, and her tone of voice simultaneously indicated triumph of noticing and disapproval or maybe disappointment. Jo did not want to admit that she had missed the moment. It must have been quite subtle. It felt as if this newcomer was trying to score observation points. Jo did not want to be jealous or unwelcoming; but there was something about this Morganette lady that Jo did not altogether like.

The Dabrowski Dogs were not impressed with Morganette’s writing companion. Psycho Motor did not pay any attention to it, as he was far too engrossed in watching the action in the Fog Lake. Imaginational sat watching it, with his head on one side, wondering about what the creature was and whether it perhaps had magical properties. Sensual and Emotional were both picking up bad vibes from it and moved closer to Jo to protect her.

Intellectual Dabrowski was detached and matter of fact.

“It is an Ai Lemur (now they are spelling it aye-aye online), a member of the genus Daubentonia. It comes from Madagascar and is currently classified as an endangered species. The Malagasy call it ‘heh heh’ to avoid naming what they think is a harbinger of evil and death. Some believe that if an ai points its longest finger at someone, that person will die.”

It was amazing the number of people who had headaches the morning after the Iteration Day picnic! The day had been celebrated with much winebibbing and ale quaffing. There were also some headaches of the inverted commas variety, as the Arthurian characters tried to avoid a day’s work or sought some alone time to work through implications of the previous day’s frivolities. King Arthur had decided to declare the day after Iteration Day a holiday as well.

And Sir Lancelot du Lac had a headache too; but not for any of the reasons already mentioned. He had refused to don the lightweight moss green woolen tunic and tights prescribed for the picnic frolics. He had stood all day in full armour (except for his helmet) in the full midsummer sun to ensure that Lady Guinevere would be safe from abduction. By mid-afternoon he was becoming dehydrated and getting a bit light-headed. Lady Guinevere had noticed and brought him a goblet of cold, clear water. He had stared vacantly at her for a moment or two and then accepted the drink with a slight bow and a radiant smile. It had been The Moment - the Love At First Sight Moment.

His headache was the result of too much sun the previous day and the lecture he had received from his cousin, Sir Bors.

Lancelot was feeling a mixture of relief and guilt. It was a relief to know that the love at first sight moment had happened and therefore, whichever way the rest of the iteration of Fog Lake re-enactments of the Arthurian legend played out, his performance of the tasks on his Hero’s To Do List would have meaning, as dedicated to Lady Guinevere. Even though the love would have to remain secret, he would know that it was real. But the straitlaced Sir Bors had, as always, caused guilt about possible future implications of him loving Lady Guinevere.

A few days later, Psycho Motor Dabrowski and Imaginational Dabrowski came back into the cabin from playing on the shore of the Fog Lake.

“That Morganette lady is really weird!” Psycho Motor told Little Plump Jo. “She walks right into the Fog Lake and talks to the characters. It seems like she is a character herself rather than an Artisan in Residence.”

“Yes,” agreed Imaginational “And you know how you say you do not invent the stories; you just record what the characters are acting in the Fog Lake? Well, Morganette gets her Ai Lemur to invent romance stories. She is giving out flyers that read ‘Ai Lemur will write you the romance of your dreams’. And she charges a lot of money for it, too!”

“She made one for Lady Ragnell and Sir Gawain” barked Psycho Motor. “You know how ugly Ragnell is, a real Loathly Lady, (sorry, not politically correct, just truthful). Anyway, Morganette and Ai Lemur made her really attractive and Sir Gawain loves her and they are getting married!”

“The Tale of Sir Gawain and the Loathly Lady!” informed Intellectual Dabrowski.

“So, then our Elaine, the Lady Charlotte-Elaine of Shalott, Entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving wanted Morganette to write her a romance with Sir Lancelot. Our Elaine is always an early adopter of any new technology. But Morganette did not want to write that particular story. She told our Elaine to choose someone else for her love story. And Ai Lemur pointed the bony middle finger at her and said she would have to die just like Elaine, the Lily Maid of Astolat if she chose Sir Lancelot.”

“And I think I know why she would not let our Elaine choose Sir Lancelot” barked Imaginational. “I think she is writing a romance for herself starring Sir Lancelot.”

Sir Lancelot was sitting under an apple tree with Emotional Dabrowski, who was wearing her Therapy Dog coat. “I am feeling quite unsettled, Emotional Dabrowski” he said. “Morganette Lafaye’s Ai Lemur creature pointed its long bony finger at me and said ‘You have been chosen as the love interest for Morgan Le Fey. Resistance is futile, maybe fatal even.’ I reeled back from it in horror, holding my sword hilt up, showing it the sign of the cross. It snarled at me but it ran away to the arms of its mistress.”

“I probably should not say this, but I do not trust Morganette Lafaye” confided Emotional. “And I don’t think my mistress, Little Plump Jo likes her either. But that could be because Morganette is so confident and glamorous and seems to outdoing Jo in all the observation writing exercises.”

“I do not trust anything with Ai in its name!” Sir Lancelot declared. “I had problems during our last iteration with AI stories. I do not want any more dealings with AI anything.”

Emotional related the conversation to Jo and the other Dabrowski Dogs that evening.

“In the classic tales, Morgan Le Fey is always trying to imprison Sir Lancelot and force him to love her but he never gives in to her.” barked Intellectual. “He is usually captured when he is sleeping under an apple tree or by a hedgerow. It is a very hot day. He gets a bit lightheaded and lies down for a rest. Morgan Le Fey comes along with three other witch queens and they take him away to her castle to compete about who will win his love.”

“How does he get away, then?”

“The daughter of King Bagdemagus frees him in return for one kiss and the promise that he will fight a Land Dispute Trial by Combat for her father.”

“Do you think that Morganette Lafaye is actually Morgan Le Fey?” suggested Imaginational Dabrowski.

“That is just ridiculous, Imaginational!” barked Intellectual. “How could one of the characters also be an Artisan in Residence in the Cabin? And what purpose would it serve?”

“That is no more ridiculous than a lot of things I have encountered here so far!” said Little Plump Jo. “And, if you think about it, Morgan Le Fey is always trying to destroy her half-brother, King Arthur and set her son, Mordred on his throne. To do that she needs to cause Arthur’s alliance with Lancelot to break down. What better way to do that than to gain control over Lancelot herself? And she wants Lancelot as a lover anyway because he is a real hottie!”

“And …” continued Imaginational, warming to his theme, “as Morgan Le Fey has not managed to sway Lancelot from his singular love for Guinevere in any of the classic tales re-enacted in the Fog Lake, what better way to accomplish it than to come up into Cloudbank Cabin in the guise of an Artisan with an AI assistant in tow and write the story the way she wants it? ”

“That would explain why Morganette can invent stories while I can only observe and record” said Jo.

Next morning Emotional Dabrowski, wearing her Therapy Dog coat, sought out Sir Lancelot. She found him asleep under the apple tree. She whimpered urgently and licked him on the face to wake him up.

“You must not go to sleep under apple trees or beside hedgerows!” she said. “Imaginational says that Morganette is Morgan Le Fey and Intellectual says that she is going to find you asleep and imprison you in her castle and try to make you love her.”

“Ah, I know that scenario!” said Lancelot. “It is on my Hero’s To Do List.”

“And now that I have experienced The Moment – The Moment of True Love at First Sight, I can be secure that our true love, even though it must be a secret, will be strong enough to cancel any AI generated substitutes and carry me though any trials I may have to endure.”