Dreams

Hi, what are you up to?

I would like to introduce myself. I am Ruby, a British teenager, currently living in Australia with my mum, my parents got divorced last year because apparently, I am a troublemaker. People think I’m a normal 16 years old girl, but I am not. I’m totally different. I really don’t know if you’re going to believe me or not, but here is my story. You’re actually reading my diary, I don’t write every day, I only write when something really important happened or when some thoughts are bothering me.

So let’s start from the beginning. I was born in New Castle, in the north of England, it is a quite good city, I do really like it, the 28^th of March 2003, in a mixed family. My father is from Russia and my mother is Irish, they met in the ’90s in London, and decided to make a family together, they were so in love and I think they still.

They got Vladimir in 2000, Lucas 10 months later, Max in 2002, me, Lydia in 2005, and Harry Thomas in 2006. They are all blonde with beautiful blue and green eyes except me, the only brunette with brown eyes in this family. People always tell me that I’m adopted, but I’m pretty sure I am not. I’ve always been different, and I knew deep down that I really am.

Since a young age, every single thing that I saw in my dreams would happen. I told my mother about it, and she asked me to not tell anyone. Anybody should know about it, even my siblings. Mom said: “You are different, and nobody should know about it, if your brothers and sisters know, you are a dead girl”. I never knew why does this happen to me, why was it me and not the others. When I asked my mum about it she said: “God chooses you, you should be happy about it”. She thinks that it’s simple to live with it, but definitely not.

Once I saw Harry dying in my dream, and did not tell anyone, because mom said so. The day after, he died in a car accident. I knew but did not do anything to save him, my own brother. I wanted to take my own life that day. I was only 13, went to the bathroom, and took as many medicines as  I could. I don’t know what happened but Monday morning I was on the bus on my way to school, pretending nothing ever happened, I was smiling, laughing with my classmates, but I knew inside of me that I wanted no longer to stay here. Because everything in this world was working against me. I want to go on the other side since God choose me, why isn’t He helping me, why do I have to stay, why Me, why not Vladimir or Lydia, they’re so much more intelligent than me, they could handle it better than I do. I do nothing, I could not even save my brother Thomas from dying, I knew what it was going to happen to him, why the hell didn’t I do something. These thoughts are hunting me day and night. When I wake up in the morning, it’s the first thing that I think about, before sleeping the same thing. I can not even tell it, my siblings. I want to talk with someone, tell him or her, how I really feel inside of me.

During 3 years, I saw every single of my siblings dying in my dream, then, in reality, each of them differently. Vladimir had cancer, Lucas and Lydia both of them killed by gunshots “accidentally” and Max was struggling with depression and anxiety he ended his life two weeks ago.  But I could do nothing for them. Once, I saw a dream where the doctor said to my mother that she could no longer have kids, and that was terrifying. Because after watching all of them dying I am the only one staying, and that made me, even more, wanting to quite. But every time I try to leave, that does not work, why is God keeping me, mom said that something incredible is waiting for me, but I don’t want it. I want to LEAVE.

After all these tragic “accidents” my dad wanted a divorce because his life and the plans he made for him and Alexandra my mother were no longer possible. He wanted to send Vladimir to Harvard, he was an excellent student. Lydia has always dreamt to be an actress; she loved so damn much the actress playing Hermione Granger in Harry Potter. Each of them had a dream and was working to achieve it, but that was not my case, I just wanted to live happily without this weight on my shoulders.

After the divorce, my mum wanted to start a new life. She loves traveling, so she decided to take me with her and to travel all over the world. When we were visiting Australia, I saw in a dream that she was going to die in a plane crash while going to Tokyo, which was supposed to be our next destination after Sydney. So I talk to her and begged her to not take the plane to Japan because something horrible was going to happen to her. For once, she listened to me. She then decided to stay here, since we got the British nationality. We search for an apartment there, she made me go to school, and we lived happily ever after.

From the time, that I told her what would happen to her if she takes the plan, and saved her life, I did not saw dreams as I used to. Otherwise, many Amazing things happened to us; she met an American, they dated for 1 year and a half, last week we knew that she was pregnant and today they are getting married. What mom said was true, Something Amazing would happen to me and here it is who ever thought about it.