Diary 2020

5th January

Dear diary, 

Hi, you may not know me but I would like to get to know you. From the moment I first saw you across that crowded stationery shop yesterday, I was in love. I just had to have you. 

I think that was mostly because you were half price and I just can't resist a bargain. 

23rd January

I don't want to be accused of being racist, and I don't mind darker skin, but do you think that navy blue is quite the right colour? White, brown or yellow are more traditional. 

You are right. It's what's inside that matters and I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. 

Still, even on the inside I'm not sure that the deathly pale look is appealing, especially with all those lines?  

Maybe a face-lift wouldn't hurt. Just sayin'

2nd February

I've been meaning to get back to you, honestly I have. The days are just rushing past and time seems to have gotten away from me. But I promise I'll talk to you every day from now on.  

I'm kinda new at this kind of thing, so I need to take it slowly. But I really want to see where this goes. I think it would be good for both of us. I need someone to confide in and you need someone to complete you. 

15th February

I noticed there a few days each month that are crossed out in red. I guess I should leave you alone on those days.

Just asking. I want to make sure we are on the same page.

29 February

I am so sorry I haven't been talking with you more often. I promise next month I'll talk more, honestly and truly. 

In answer to your question. Yes, you have put on a bit of weight this year but it's hardly noticeable. Besides you can expect to be slightly bigger. It's a leap year after all. 

23rd March

Hey diary, I'm kinda bored right now. How about we get acquainted? I'm stuck inside and I need some company. 

The internet is down, the phone has gone flat, so I guess you'll have to do. I haven't got anything better, so let's get acquainted...

Starting tomorrow. 

24th March

Writing this just to prove I keep my promises. 

25th March

I think we got off to a bad start. 

No, I don't want to know how many inches in a centimeter, and I really don't care when the public holidays are, or that the population of Patagonia is a fraction under two million. I want to move on from all this small talk. 

You can have my name and phone number but why on earth would you need my doctor's number and the number of my local hospital? I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I don't have THAT illness. 

And asking for my social security number and my next of kin - that's just wrong!

27th March

You want a date this weekend? How about the 29th March? 

Wow, I haven't seen someone look that blank since I told my best friend about my encounter with the cross dressing swamp monsters from venus who will one day conquer the world. 

I guess being so blank means you are available?

28th March

What shall we do this weekend? Restaurants are all closed. Cinemas are closed too. 

We could practice some social distancing at the supermarket. I have the hand sanitiser and the face masks. Do you have a tape measure? 

I know you like to watch basketball but we can't this weekend. It's too far to travel. And what if someone dribbled and we court something foul?

I know, dad jokes. You will have to get used to my humour. 

Here's an idea for a date. How about a romantic trip to the doctors? I have a rather nasty in-grown toenail infection that has gone septic and needs some attention.

Yeah your right. The doctors are only seeing one person at a time. I could pretend I'm seven and you're my mother, that might be romantic, right? 

30th March

I really enjoyed staying in last night. It was special to share that moment of intimacy. So glad I went to all the trouble of getting protection. 

Gloves and face masks are so hard to come by at the moment, but it was worth the effort just to spend a few moments 1.5 meters from you.

31st March

Wow. Another great night of gloves and face masks. I can't believe my luck. I could really get used to this. 

I am imagining what it would be like to get to third base. If only I could get close enough to step up to the plate. But for now it looks like I'm stuck at home. 

***

I just had to write a second time. I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that you are the book for me. There is no other. I love how you never interrupt. You're such a good listener and always open. I can read you like a… well like a book. 

1st April

Sorry about doing a double entry yesterday. I understand you don't want to move too fast and would prefer to take things a day at a time. I respect that. 

Talk to you tomorrow. 

2nd April

I know you want me to show you to my friends but you need to understand that it's just not possible right now. I'm not marginalising you. I just have to find the right time. 

4th April

Sorry about the fruit salad I made. They were running low on stock and I couldn't find any dates. I should have taken you with me even though I know you hate the A4. 

6th April

Please don't be like that. It's not my fault there seems to be a distance between us. It's the law. But we can get through this. Give it a year and things will be different. 

No, I am not seeing anyone else. That fling with the dictionary was meaningless. 

9th April

I am sorry you feel that way but you must know it's the truth. I'm a man and you're a diary, it's only natural that next year I'll be with someone else. 

I don't want to break up over this. Whatever you have in store for me, let's just make the most of the days and months we have left. Diary 2020, you might not end up being my favourite but I'll know I'll never forget you.