The Awkward Cadence

I wasn’t eager to leave my Honda haven, where Evan guessed what I was thinking before I said it and the Accord surrounded me with preventative safety features.

“If I could whip up masterpieces on the laptop like you do in one sitting on the couch, we wouldn’t have to go to these get togethers. But networking is key for my job, babe.”

I nodded and looked out the window at the house where his co-workers and clients had already begun “networking.” Music and laughter escaped as another couple slipped into the party. Their exuberance repelled me like a backward magnet. 

“We don’t have to stay long.” He squeezed my hand, then hopped out. I sighed and reluctantly followed his lead. Sooner in, sooner out. 

Matt and Shayna welcomed us into their home with boisterous hugs that threatened to squeeze out my skimpy allotment of gumption right there on the doorstep. They guided us to the kitchen where the island displayed a dizzying array of alcoholic beverages. 

“Evan, my man, what’ll you have to drink?” Matt asked.

“Coke and rum would be great.”

“And Cadence?”

“Nope, Cady’s my permanent DD.”

“That’s too bad. I bet she would make a funny drunk.”

Evan hugged me against his side. “The funniest, but I get to keep her all to myself.”

True statement. I was only willing to share my crusts with them, nice and dry. I wish I could say that my lack of personality scared people away, but unfortunately for me, the opposite held true. My reticence combined with my success as a writer made me an intriguing enigma. 

Evan’s sweet demeanor, of course, drew people in like flies to honey, which meant we rarely had time to speak to each other at events like this. Matt immediately sucked him into a heated conversation about pay raises and promotions, while I sipped Ginger Ale and braced myself for the female onslaught. 

Shayna bustled back into the kitchen from greeting another guest. Speaking of promotions... A recent procedure had lifted her breasts to new heights, and she wore a revealing shirt that exposed a shocking amount of taut skin. Distracting was an understatement.

“What have you been up to lately?” I asked. I don’t usually initiate conversation, but I couldn’t stop myself this time.

She rattled off her many hobbies, which included jet skiing. Would a life jacket even buckle over those? No need to wear one when you have two built in flotation devices. 

“I’d love to hear more about that,” I said instead, using my favorite line to induce a verbal deluge. I looked over her shoulder as it spilled forth, at a charming corner across the room. It seduced me with its silky shadows and well kept secrets. 

By far, the best part of networking for me was the confirmation that Evan was still my favorite person in the world. He caught my eye, glanced at Shayna, then back to me, and bounced his eyebrows up and down. My nostrils flared as I tried not to laugh.

Shoot. I looked at them again. They were going to burn my retinas. I needed those special goggles scientists wear while studying volcanic eruptions.

“I mean, isn’t that disturbing?” she asked.

“Massively.” No idea what topic.

A high pitched laugh squealed out of her, rippling downward like a hyena’s, and I smiled for the first time. 

“You are too funny! No wonder you’re a bestselling author. I don’t know how you come up with all those unique characters.”

To my relief, a response wasn’t necessary. The women in the house had heard Shayna’s laugh and condensed like the sweat on my Solo cup. They didn’t leave me in peace for long.

A hand landed on my shoulder, then fingers on my forearm. Mild panic fluttered in my stomach.

“Your life must be so exciting. Can you tell us what it’s like to be a famous writer?”

Ladies, I promise I’m not that interesting. I merely shrugged.

“Yes, tell us, Cadence.”

My eyes widened as my name echoed around the group, and the panic flapped its wings.

“Do you get crazy fan mail?”

Nothing as intense as this. “It’s usually pretty tame.”

“If you could go any place right now, where would it be?”

To bed. “Tibet.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

Lame question. “Hot pink, but only for tonight.”

“Favorite animal?”

Really? “The North American porcupine. If you’ll excuse me, I have to run to the bathroom.”

The hot pink walls of the powder room welcomed me as an old friend; these 16 square feet of space hid me the last time we were here, like a tropical flower sheltering a tiny tree frog. I took my time, splashing cool water on my face and enjoying the solitude. 

I came out rubbernecking, intent on finding Evan, but Ashley intercepted me. She giggled nervously in the middle of each sentence, but after taking a few gulps of her wine and discovering I’d rather listen than talk, she gained momentum. 

She chattered rapidly, an effusion of words that undulated and vibrated my eardrums. The unrelenting rhythm began to lull me to sleep until the upward lilt of her voice tickled my brain.

“Have you eaten there?”

“Fish and chips.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize they serve that type of food. Well, everything Chef Lorenzo makes is divine, so I’m sure he could take fish and chips to a whole new level. Oh my gosh, we should totally go on a double date!”

“I was just thinking that.”

“Girl, we have so much in common. I’d love to pick your brain sometime on your writing process. I’ve been writing,” she glanced to each side and leaned forward, “steamy sex scenes. Have you ever read Fifty Shades of Grey?” 

Oh, kill me now. I escaped again to the powder room, perfectly willing to risk rumors of irritable bowel syndrome.

When my seven minutes in heaven expired, I bravely opened the door. Forty eyes zeroed in on me. Crap. 

“Cadence, I just have to say, your work is inspiring. I wish I could express myself the way you do.”

Evan choked on his coke and rum.

Hunter patted him on the back. “Unlike this guy here who needs a pep talk before every presentation!”

Evan recovered his voice. “I know, Cady has a way with words.”

“Dude, did you hear about the new regulations they put on the sales team?”

I let out my breath as the focus moved away from me. Yes, please talk about each little rule enforced by your sage business leaders. How about the instructional hand washing sign in the bathroom, while you’re at it? They didn’t let me down.

I longed for the peace of the pink room, or better yet, our car. The room grew pleasantly subdued, and I glanced up from my carpet meditation.

They were all looking at me expectantly, like a group of panting puppies waiting for me to throw the ball. Oy, they were a motley bunch. Definitely a couple of different daddies for this litter. 

“We were all trying to guess what you’re working on. Can you give us a hint about your novel in progress?”

I quickly searched for a word.“Ocmulgee.” 

Blank stares. 

“Is that a sandwich?”

“A town in Italy!”

“Your grandmother’s maiden name.”

“A sex position.” Chuck pinched Ashley. “Ouch!”

Evan clapped his hands together and grinned. “You know what? I think that’s our cue to leave. Cady’s agent would kill her if she spilled the beans on this book!”

“Aw...” A cumulative groan. “We’ll figure it out.” 

I smiled warmly at our hosts. “Thank you for welcoming us into your home. It was a pleasure as always, and Shayna, you look lovelier than ever tonight.”

“Oh, you are too sweet. We loved having you.” 

“See you on Monday, Evan!”

He nudged me with his hip as we walked down the sidewalk. “What a magnanimous exit.”

I poked his side in return. “Thanks. Nice vocabulary.”

I slid into the drivers seat and quickly shut the door, eager for the silence that awaited me. Glorious.

Evan leaned back his seat and closed his eyes. “This is my kind of party.”

I slid my hand into his. The stillness enveloped us in a soft embrace, and I savored our space that required no words.