Luna(tic)

(Trigger warning: Abuse)

The lines have a certain poetry to them. At least, I've noticed that after about 6 months on planet Evian.

Well, I think Solano has said it's been approximately 6 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days. He wants to find out the hours, but I said that's going too far. In fact, without me, he'd always go the extra mile. I know I'm the only thing keeping him sane here. Which scares me a lot but all I know is if I keep pushing, I can keep him grounded until a rescue.

I know it sounds corny, but love is really my guide here.

"Luna! What are the status on those Solanum Tuberosums?" Solano yells from the opposite side of the hub.

"You mean potatoes?" I laugh "I'll go check." I walk away from the calendar of marks and to the agricultural circle.

I read off the vital signs to Solano and he responds with an upbeat "Thanks!"

"Hey! Where are you anyway?" I ask.

"I'm... nowhere."

"Nowhere?" I laugh a little bit, but it's more of a frustrated laugh. I walk over to probably the only other room he could be in, but he is really 'nowhere' to be found. Unless...

"Please tell me you're not in the shuttle room." I say. But he responds affirmatively. "Solano, you know we can't even set foot on this planet without being condensed into something like a crushed soda can! Please don't try."

He comes out of the room, looking more tired than usual. There's something like a faded out smile on his face. "Is something up?" I wonder.

"Eh, no. Well... no. Mmm... no."

I smile with him. "What is it?"

"Welllll, I might have figured out a way to explore the planet." He caresses my face. "For your birthday!"

"Oh, gee, I can't wait to be crushed in 5 seconds for my birthday." I return.

"No- I said I figured out a way to do this safely." he turns back around to the shuttle room door. Opening it. "Come look." I hesitantly follow him in, knowing I'm one button away from crushed soda can-ness.

But, whenever I'm with Solano, I feel safe.

The room looks different from when I last saw it. More papers and calculations all over the place. I head over to one drawing, which seems like the main one.

"Graphene suits? Where'd you find graphene? And how are you going to get enough to make suits for two?" I drag my hand along the design.

"Well I only found about an inch of it. And that's all I needed really."

"Wha- Are you saying your materializing exact replicas of graphinetic substances and binding them together in order to make suits that can withstand the force a thousand elephants?!"

He smiles, nodding his head eagerly.

"THAT'S SO COOL!!"

If you can't tell, we're kind of nerds.

But I wouldn't marry anyone else.

***

Walks on Evian are amazing. Sure, the first were very headache inducing but after a couple more test runs, we've made pretty great models. If only NASA could see us now...

Honestly. NASA should see us now. It's been a year and a half and there's been almost no contact back from Earth. Not even any satellites have passed our way. And they'd love to get their hands on our Evian samples.

Yep, that's right. Not only do our space walks serve as an escape from the hub but they're very educational. Disappointingly though, nothing shows signs of life. Well, I'm disappointed. Solano, seriously doubts aliens exist. But I always make the point that the universe is literally 93 billion light years wide. And he always says that if they existed something would have responded to Earth's message back in 2030.

It usually ends with saying that an alien could be the size of my thumb and still count as life. But he then says that it's "too small" which isn't very scientific to me.

But now that I think about it, most of our conversations have been like that.

Arguments. Disagreements.

And the scary thing is that it's nothing petty, like back at our honeymoon phase. It's that life or death stuff. Because life is never 100% reliable here on Evian.

"Solano, are you gonna tally today? The moons are almost all down." I speak, looking through the hub window.

"Oh! Yeah, thanks for reminding me." He comes over with his very loud mark maker and scratches another tally in at the bottom.

He stands up from crouching down, looking at the wall with me. We both see what's happening.

"I don't mean to state the obvious," I start. "But we're running out of tally room." I then put my hand on his shoulder. Sending him that I-love-you-but-you-need-to-hear-this message. "What if... what if we didn't tally anymore?"

I tried catching his eye, but instead he flounces away. "Is it really that bad of an idea?" I suggest.

"Luna, you don't understand, these tallies are important. They keep track. They let us know when we did what. They keep me in check." Solano shoots back.

I blink rapidly from anger. "They keep you in check? I don't know if you know this, but they are not a person. They aren't alive. I am. I love you, I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you. These tallies can't move from their wall."

Solano sighs. Then apologizes with a quick "I'm sorry." Putting his face in his hand.

I walk over to him with my arms out. "Come here." I wrap my arms around him and he, slowly, does the same to me. "I love you a lot, Solano."

"...And so do I." I smile, pulling him out of my arms and giving him a quick peck on the lips. Trying to ignore how long it took him to respond, and how he never really said "love".

***

Solano went out alone. Usually, he tells me these things, but today I woke up and he was gone. Despite how things have been between us, it was scary to awake alone. No one to reach out to. No one to hold.

It made me realize how lonely I've felt recently.

Yes, even though there is someone to talk to, to share my feelings with, he's been so cold. So distant. And even if I catch him for a quick chat, it seems like all he wants to do is leave.

Well, I can't sit in my bed forever. I stand up, heading over to the research station. Solano better bring back some new samples, I'm getting a little tired of the different variations of dirt. But I shouldn't complain. I'm an astronaut, I'm lucky to be here alone. Well, not here specifically, I don't think anyone aspires to be in a life threatening space accident and get lost on a far off planet. Even if all the movies romanticize the heck out of the idea.

As I use my second microscope to look at my 15th piece of dirt, a weird repetitive noise comes to my ears. I look around the hub to see what could be making it, but I see nothing...

Until I look at the windows.

It's a sand storm. A large one. We never get anything this heavy, normally. But this one is different. "Computer, set Shelter IB-62 into lockdown immediately." I command. All doors to other rooms close and a shield comes to block the window. The reinforcements have muffled the noise, but I still hear the storm trying to break through.

Suddenly a louder noise destroys all other sound. An explosion almost. And the robotic voice from the computer comes on. "A large breach has occurred in hallway one. Due to this, the lockdown doors blocking this exit will not open again."

Hallway one? That can't be... the tallies. I run over to the door that used to be blocking off the hallway, and look through the small window...

And I'm right. It's gone. The only thing there is the wreckage and dusty planet.

He's gonna kill me.

A couple hours have passed. The storm has with those. And Solano... well that's him knocking on the locked shuttle door.

"Computer, open shuttle room door exterior." I say sounding very 'ugh' like.

I hear the door slide up from the inside and hear as Solano comes in. Then there he is. How am I going to tell him...

"Hey," He takes his helmet off. "Sorry I didn't tell you I left. I just remembered this one thing I saw out there, and knew it wasn't gonna stay there forever."

"It's ok." I say quickly and quietly.

"Why were the doors locked outside by the way?" He says, simultaneously getting out of his suit.

"There was a storm."

Solano's head shoots up. "A storm?"

"Yeah, it was pretty bad." He looks at me, expecting me to say something else. "But I'm alive so that's the good thing right?" I laugh, difficulty.

"Well, what's the bad thing?" Dang, he figured me out.

"The, um, a hallway was destroyed in the storm."

His face falls. "Which hallway."

"...Hallway one. Your tallies... they're gone."

He laughed a little bit, said "no" a lot, might've even cried. But nothing impacted me more when he said: "How stupid could you be?"

I step back from him. "St... Stupid?!"

"How could you let the one thing I cared about in this hub go to waste?"

Tears start streaming down my face. But no sobs escape my mouth. I'm too angry for that. "You... I could've died`! And all you care about are some markings on the wall!"

"I- You don't under-" He then screams and I visibly wince. And then the sobs come.

I didn't see it before because my eyes were closed, but he's destroying everything. Knocking samples on the floor, technology, punching at walls. "Solano, stop." I say through my tears.

"Solano!"I try to gain a voice in the second time I speak. But no mere noise will get his attention now.

I reach out for his shoulder, touching gently, but he shoves it off. He's doing too much damage for me to let him continue. A grab his shoulder but more forcefully this time. He turns so fast.

And smacks me across the face.

I don't know if it was on purpose. I don't know if he felt sorry after. But I do know he meant it. The blow pushed me to the ground. I hold my hand over my face. The place it hurts the most.

The destruction has stopped. Almost everything stopped. Until Solano says, "Luna... I don't know what just happened. But I... I'm sor-"

"Save it. You don't have to force out an apology." My voice is fragile.

"Luna..."

"Oh, and" I stand up, grab his arm, forcefully open his hand, and place my ring in it. "Keep this too."

 ***

I think he's gone crazy. But so have I.

I haven't left my bed in what feels like weeks. I mean, I would leave but he might hit me again. I'm too scared to go.

I have no idea what he does in there. But screams happen very often. The only time I muster courage to stand is when I hear the shuttle door being used. But even then, something pulls me back to my bed.

Maybe it's the anxiety. That's definitely spiking. Or our pressure dampeners. Those are definitely failing.

I barely get to eat. Sometimes I sneak ever so quietly just to snag a potato. But even then, my appetite is so little. I know I should eat, but any food in my stomach I feel like regurgitating.

So anxiety, check, depression, check, possible eating disorder, check.

I might die here.

While I was spending probably way too long staring out my window, I saw it. 'It' being my hope. My dreams. Something I really thought I'd never see.

Something like a rusty rocket ship was a landing on Evian. And I was so ready to get on.

I stand up. Which actually hurts. My body's very frail and I'm pretty sure I shrunk three inches, but I've never felt this motivated.

Walking hurts more then standing. Every step is like a new pain shocking through my legs. It takes me way to long to even reach the end of the hallway.

And then there's the research room.

It looks like a dump. Ripped papers are everywhere. There's holes in the ground. Probably why the air is so thin. And, weirdest of all, there's blood. Well, I know why some spots of blood are there, that's from me due to him. But there's more.

Is he alive?

Saddest part is, I wouldn't care either way. It'd be better if he were dead. Because Solano, the man I married, already is. This crazy lunatic man is probably still out on Evian.

I don't think he's coming aboard this rescue ship.

I trudge over to another window. And that's when I see people. People! I laugh, almost hysterically, but my lungs can't handle that.

I move a little faster to the shuttle room door, opening it, and putting on my suit. Which is now very big on me. This much space between my skin and the material of the suit probably isn't safe, but who cares! I'm getting rescued!

It's been so long since I've set foot on Evian, so I try to prepare myself for it. But it doesn't really do so much. As my suit compresses against my body in less then five seconds, I get very lightheaded.

Luckily, My rescue is closer than I thought.

"Are you Luna Harlow?"

The voice of another human sends me over the edge. I could cry. "Yes! Yes I am."

"Ok. I'm going to need you to follow Dr. Sato behind me." The astronaut points to him. "He'll lead you to the ship and attend any of your needs."

"Ok. Ok. Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it. Now, get a move on." I do. Running as fast as possible to the Doctor.

The ship looks nothing like it did on the outside. It's clean, modern, and looks like it has the surety to bring me back to Earth.

Oh Earth, how I've missed you.

Dr. Sato takes off his helmet. "So, it'll take about 6-ish months to get back to Earth, so make yourself comfortable." He smiles slightly.

"That'll be easy." I say taking off my helmet.

"Luna, you look very pale. Are you ok? Need some water?" Sato offers.

"Probably, yeah." I agree, and he quickly passes over a canister. I take off the cap and just the smell is overwhelming. Let alone the taste.

After my long gulp of water, Sato speaks, "How was Evian?"

"Evian was... extended. Time wise."

Sato nods his head. "I get that." How? I disregard that and Sato continues on with the conversation. "Is Solano going to join us?"

He might've noticed my ring-less hand. So I speak as honestly as possible. "No. I actually lost him."

Sato's face falls. "Oh, I-I'm so sorry."

"It's- It will be ok." I say, trying to keep my honesty.

"That must have been really hard to watch." Sato says.

And.... I really don't know why. If it was, why bring it up? Why remind the victim? If you know it's painful, don't hurt the wound. I could get mad now at Sato, but I lost that passionate emotional energy a long time ago. And right now, I need friends contrary to enemies.

I really just need someone.

"It was."