One Nation Under Trump

“Hello everyone, and welcome to the third annual Trump Military Parade, brought to you by ARussican Oil. I’m your host, Lou Dobbs, and I’d just like to thank President Trump for making this great day possible for us all. Sitting in the booth with me today is our very own Second First Lady, Tomi Trump. Tomi, it’s an honor to have you here.”

“Thanks, Lou. I’m so happy to be here supporting my husband and our president, Donald Trump, in the very first military parade since we passed the Trans Ban to honor our brave alpha male fighting brigades.”

“What’s going to be interesting about this parade, Tomi, is the way we are celebrating both America’s return to True Freedom and all the improvements to America that the President has made since he ratified the 28th Amendment making himself president for life. I really like America’s new slogan: “One President, His Country.”

“Me, too. Get it? ‘Me too’….ah, I’m hilarious. Thank God that was outlawed. But seriously, Lou, this new slogan sends a message to the world that America is stronger than ever. We’ve strengthened our border, saved our 2^nd Amendment, returned our schools to teaching true Christian principles and outlawed abortion across this great land. I couldn’t be prouder to be an American.”

“Right you are, Tomi. Well, looks like the parade has started, and passing the booth now is the NRA float, followed by the 1^st Trump Infantry. I really like the new gold insignias on the uniforms.”

“My idea, of course, Lou. The company that produces my Freedom athletic wear line, available online at alexoathletica.com, designed them.”

“Are they made in America?”

“No, China. But with all the tariff money we’re charging them, the Chinese are really paying for it, so we’re still supporting America.”

“We certainly are. All hail our Supreme Deal-Maker. Well, that float is spectacular…a giant AR-15, with a banner that says “Come and Take It, Libtards.” That’s a beautiful sight.”

“All a joke, of course. Now that the Democratic Party’s been designated a terrorist organization, they won’t be taking anything. The Senate swamp has been swept clean and the traitors have fled.”

“And not a moment too soon. The President is a wise and strong leader. The infantry has almost passed us now…why the big gap before the next float?”

“That’s where the F-22 Stealth fighter was going to be. Donald really wanted an F-22 in the parade, but he still thinks they’re invisible, so we thought we’d save some money by just leaving a big empty space and telling him it’s there.”

“That sounds like a responsible budgeting decision, and doesn’t reflect poorly on the President one iota. Will we be seeing any of the President’s children today?”

“No. Don Jr. and Eric are in Africa hunting the last white rhino – that trophy will be worth a fortune. And Ivanka is in Bangladesh touring her newest sweatshop. Merchandise available at IvankaSilks.com.” I suppose Tiffany is at her little ‘job”. Barron is still in Slovenia with his mother. Since Melania isn’t a real American of course that means Barron doesn’t qualify as a pure blood American either. Donald felt kind of bad about exiling them, but the law is the law and he is the President and has to set an example.”

“Totally understandable. Oh look, here comes the 305^th ICE Regiment from Texas. I wasn’t sure any of them would make it, what with the Endless National Emergency at the border. They need every man.”

“They were flown in on Air Trump One just for the day, Lou. They’re going back tonight; their work protecting our country from terrorized women and orphaned toddlers is so important. Imagine what our country would be like without them. I feel so much safer these days I only carry two guns now when I leave the Trump House. And they fit perfectly in the yoga holster I designed; $34.99 on my website.”

“We can thank President Trump for that. Permanently closing our southern border was a ballsy move by a gutsy guy. Obama would never have done it. What is that float behind them?”

“I think this is my favorite, Lou. Stephen Miller had the great idea to make all ICE cages mobile, so now we can move illegal immigrants around without actually letting them out. It saves so much time and money, and again, safer for everyone.”

“Sensible plan, Tomi. Who’s this coming now? Oh, it’s Kellyanne Conway, leading the White Nationalist Guard in a tank. Whatever happened to her husband?”

“He fled to California with Bernie Sanders and the rest of the Godless bleeding heart Democrat snowflakes, of course. Good luck running that country, Bernie.”

“I’m with you, Tomi. How do you live in a country without guns? They’ll never survive.”

“Oh, this is exciting, Lou. Here come the guests of honor – soldiers from Russia’s 200^th Motor Rifle Brigade, all the way from Moscow. Aren’t they impressive?”

“They look very intimidating. It was nice of President Putin to take the time to join us on his way to Texas.”

“Donald told me their permanent base at El Paso is almost finished. I can’t tell you how exciting it’s been to witness history being made as America and Russia form our co-country coalition.”

“And I, for one, am really looking forward to learning Russian. At least it’s not Spanish, right Tomi? Thank Trump that was outlawed.”

“That’s right Lou – no more third world languages for this country.”

“The President’s executive order banning all languages but American was a stroke of brilliance, and not a human rights violation at all. Well, it looks like the parade is wrapping up. Not a long one, but of course we have to give everyone celebrating our freedom time to get home before curfew. Tomi, I’d like to thank you for sharing parade duty with me, and I’m sure every real American joins me in wishing you and President Trump a wonderful Independence Day.”

“My pleasure. Dasvidaniya, Lou.”

~ The End ~